Kathryn Alexander - Heart Of A Husband

“I don’t want to ask for money, Jake. I’d like to be able to even pay you back for some of what you’re doing.”

“It’s not necessary. Don’t feel that you need to do that.”

Joanna smiled and gave an uncertain shrug. “I may not be able to do that even with this job. It doesn’t exactly pay well. Is there any iced tea, Ina?”

“In the refrigerator, dear,” Ina answered.

“Thanks,” Joanna replied and opened the door. Lifting the pitcher from the top shelf, she poured some of the drink into a tall glass. “But it will be wonderful experience for me working with the kids. Do you want some tea?”

“No, thanks,” Jake responded.

“Don’t you want to join us, Ina?” Joanna asked when she noticed Ina had returned to the kitchen sink to finish rinsing some dishes.

“No, thank you. You go ahead,” Ina said, glancing over her shoulder.

“Smithfield Children’s Home,” Jake repeated and sent an inquiring look with a sharp lift of his brows in Ina’s direction.

Joanna noticed the exchange. “Yes. They have about a hundred kids there, Jake. Boys and girls, all ages. They’re children going through transitional periods in their lives—moving from one foster home to another or out of a treatment center into an adoptive placement.” She spoke in such a rush of words, she had to pause for a quick breath, which brought a grin from Jake. “It’s a wonderful place!” she added with enthusiasm.

“Yes, it is,” he agreed with a nod. “I thought so myself the first time I visited it.”

“You’ve been there?” Joanna sat down.

“I’m there every Wednesday morning for an hour or two. When do you start?” Jake asked before taking another bite of pie.

“Tomorrow. But, what do you mean you’re there every Wednesday? What do you do there?”

“The same things I do daily at my office,” he replied. “I see patients who are sick or injured. The kids, I mean.”

“But…” She glanced over at Ina who was busy concentrating on the dishes in the sink rather than facing Joanna just then. “Ina, you didn’t tell me Jake was one of the people who worked there.”

“Didn’t I mention that?” Ina responded without looking up. “I meant to.”

Sure you did, Joanna thought. How convenient for Ina to forget that one piece of information. Joanna returned her gaze to the man seated beside her at the table. “Should I thank you for getting this job for me?”

“No, not at all,” Jake assured. “I didn’t know anything about this, and I’m not in favor of you working right now. Especially not at Smithfield. Putting yourself in a setting like that with all those troubled kids…it won’t be easy for you, Joanna. It will bring back bad memories of your own childhood.” He paused. “Are you sure you’re prepared for that?”

“I have to be. Social work is what I want to do. Being an advocate for those children is my career goal. I can’t help them if I’m not exposed to them, can I?” she explained, defending her choices.

Jake wasn’t pleased. She could see it in that shadowy frown that hovered at the corners of his mouth. But she could be just as determined as he could, Joanna assured herself and gave a slight but definite lift of her chin.

Jake’s tight expression relaxed into a smile before he looked down briefly at the plate and fork on the table. “It’s your decision,” he commented. When he raised his gaze to meet hers again, all humor was gone. “Just be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt. Mae’s health is enough of a concern without having your heart broken over some child you can’t help.”

It might be easier to deal with than some other forms of heartbreak, Joanna longed to reply. But she didn’t. She simply nodded in silence and then turned to Ina. “Are we going tonight?”

“Yes,” Ina said. “Be ready by six-forty-five.”

“What do you two have planned?” Jake asked.

“Bible study,” Joanna replied. “Ina says they’re studying the book of Ephesians.”

“Ephesians,” Jake repeated as Ina quietly slipped from the room.

“Yes. They’re studying about the Lord’s love for us and our spiritual riches in Christ,” Joanna explained, then noticed how closely Jake was studying her as she spoke. “You know…about how God gave his Son so we could be forgiven for our sins.” She knew that Jake was familiar with some of what she was talking about. They’d discussed it before. Several times.

“You really believe all of that, don’t you? That people must find some sort of a personal relationship with God?” Jake’s questions were straightforward and serious, not belittling in the least.

“Absolutely.”

“There are a lot of people in the world—good people—who wouldn’t agree with you.”

“No one is saved by being a good person. It’s more than that. Salvation is a gift from God,” Joanna explained. “It’s never a matter of just doing enough good deeds, Jake. There are two completely different roads in life—the Lord’s way or the way of the world. Everyone has a time in their life when they’re standing at the crossroads and has to make a decision.” She wondered if she should invite him to join them. It was worth a try. “If you’d like, you could come with us tonight. The pastor could do a much better job of explaining these things to you than I can.”

But Jake shook his head. “Thanks, but I can’t tonight, Jo. I’m meeting Daniel Vernon at the gym to play basketball. He’s one of Andrew’s sons.”

Joanna smiled. “I remember you mentioning him before. You went to school with Daniel, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Jake answered. “Sorry about tonight. Maybe some other time?”

“Sure. Some other time,” she agreed, wondering if such a time would come. And when. “I’ll see you later.” She turned to go just as Jake stood up.

“Joanna…” he called after her.

She looked back.

“How did it feel when you stood at those crossroads?”

Joanna had to stop and really think for a moment. It had been so long ago. “I think I felt…loved. Loved by God in a way I’d never been loved by anyone else.”

“Like God Himself stood there? Waiting?” he asked.

“Yes,” she agreed quickly, surprised by his insight. “But there was no thunder or lightning. No messenger angel. Just a still, small voice inside me.” She raised a hand to her heart. “In here.”

Jake’s eyes followed the movement of her hand before returning to lock with her gaze. There was something there, some sadness, something complex Joanna couldn’t identify. Something she couldn’t help him with. Every ounce of her wanted to make right whatever was so wrong within him, but it wasn’t her wrong to right. “The Lord only wants us to love Him, Jake.”

A look of utter weariness crossed Jake’s face before he glanced up at the clock. “I’ve got to get going. We’ll have to talk another time.”

She nodded but worried about the strained tone of his voice. “I—I’ll go upstairs to sit with Aunt Mae. She seemed to be feeling better this morning.”

Jake agreed. “She’s hanging in there. I was with her earlier, and we talked quite a bit.”

About what, Joanna wondered. Spiritual matters, maybe? Not knowing what else to do, Joanna excused herself and headed toward the staircase. She’d been a Christian since she was twelve years old, many years before she moved in with her aunt. Why, after all these years, did talking about her faith seem like such a private matter? Why was it still so difficult to discuss with Jake? Maybe because she cared so much about his reaction? Because those people dearest to the heart are the ones who seem slowest to accept the truth? Hadn’t Aunt Mae warned her about that a long time ago?