Heather Graham - Picture Me Dead

Jake felt the same. As if something of Nancy continued to haunt him, as well, after all these years.

He brought Brian the coffee. “Brian, nothing is going to bring Nancy back. And get a grip. Do you know how much time has passed? No one thinks you killed her.”

“No. Not that I killed her. That I made her kill herself.”

“She didn’t kill herself. I know it, and you know it.”

Brian lowered his head and inhaled deeply. “You know, Jake, there are people out there who think you’re one heck of a big shit and not the great distinguished powerhouse you always look like in the press.”

“There’s not a damned thing I can do about what people think, Brian,” Jake said evenly.

“Yeah, that’s right. You can’t arrest them for thinking you’re a shit, can you?”

“Brian, drink your coffee, and please tell me you didn’t drive down here.”

“Why, you gonna arrest me for that?” Brian said belligerently, staring at him.

“No, I’m just going to pray there aren’t any broken bodies along the way.”

Brian lowered his head. “No, I didn’t drive. I had a few drinks at a bar downtown and got a ride to Nick’s from a friend. Sat out on the porch and had another few beers there. I didn’t drive.”

“Good. Finish that and I’ll take you home.”

Brian stared at him, shaking his head. “I know that Nancy came to you all the time. So sometimes I wonder…hell, with everything she must have said…why don’t you just go ahead and tear me to pieces?”

“It would be illegal for me to kill you. And I’m a cop. That would make it really bad.”

Brian tried to form a smile; it came out more like a grimace.

“Yeah, but you could beat the shit out of me. Self-defense. I’ve given you cause a time or two. Why don’t you do it? Would it make you feel guilty?”

“No,” Jake said flatly.

“Then…?”

“Because she loved you. And I loved her.” The other man looked up, startled, and Jake hastened to add, “I didn’t say that I’d slept with her, Brian, just that I loved her. And she always believed there was something decent in you. Damned if I can see it, but it must be there. So…finish that coffee and I’ll get you home.”

Brian stared at him, bowed his head again and nodded. He drank the coffee and quietly asked for another cup. After that, he went into the head and cleaned himself up a bit.

Brian had left his jacket at Nick’s; they stopped for it.

Nick was behind the bar, working with Sharon, the woman he’d been dating for nearly a year, and with whom, Nick had informed Jake, he’d fallen in love. At his age. Love. She tolerated his almost twenty-four-hour work schedule. In fact, it was fine with her, since she was into real estate. She put in long days herself, sometimes—sometimes followed by days and days with little or nothing to do. She liked politics, though, and was planning on learning a lot more. She wanted to run for local office.

They hadn’t seemed like a pair to hit it off so well. But then, who the hell was he to tell?

Nick arched a brow when Jake walked in with Brian. “Everything all right?”

“Just fine.”

“Couldn’t be better,” Brian said.

“You didn’t come for another drink?” Sharon asked Brian warily.

“I’m going to drive Brian home. He left his jacket here. We just came to pick it up.”

“Oh,” Nick said, looking from one of them to the other.

“I can drive him, if you like, Jake,” Sharon offered quietly.

“No, thanks, I’ll get him back home.”

Brian threw an arm around his shoulders. “Yeah, we’re fine. Jake and me, we’re like brothers.” He grinned. “I’d get him home if he’d had a few too many. You know—share and share alike.”

“Let’s go, Brian.”

Luckily, Brian remembered directions, since he was in a new apartment. The flight attendant’s name was Norma. She seemed like a decent woman, coming to the door with concern in her eyes when Brian couldn’t quite work the key. Brian managed to introduce Jake without making snide comments. She was nothing like Nancy. Norma was short, fair and incredibly soft-spoken. Jake realized that he’d met her once on a trip upstate; she laughed and told him she remembered him, as well.

“Well, hell, why not?” Brian muttered. Those words brought a frown of confusion to the young woman’s brow, and Jake was tempted to deck him again.

“I’ll get him into bed for you and get his shoes off,” Jake said instead.

“The first door upstairs,” Norma said. “I think I’ll get him a few aspirin and some water. That might help him tomorrow morning. Did he fall?”

Jake pretended he didn’t hear. Brian was leaning on him heavily. He tripped up the first step. Jake shifted his arm, lifting Brian’s feet in the air, and moved quickly. Brian grinned at him when they hit the landing.

“Did I fall?” he said, laughing, but the sound was pathetic, bitter, and directed against himself. “Hell, yeah, I fell. Into your fist, right?”

“Brian, give yourself a fucking break,” Jake muttered.

Jake dropped Brian on the king-sized bed and did as he’d said, getting his shoes off. He was about to walk out when Brian said, “So…you know Norma.”

“I saw her on a flight, Brian.”

“I bet she’d rather sleep with you, too.”

“Quit being such a royal pain,” Jake told him. “You’re one lucky bastard. You had a great wife, and now…seems this girl loves you. Don’t mess this one up. You’ve got another chance. Don’t be an idiot.”

He started out.

“So what’s it been like for you, Jake?” Brian called to him.

He turned back. Brian was smiling ruefully. “The D.A.’s assistant. She was a real beauty. That lasted, what, three months? I hear there was a Hooters’ waitress—girl who was pure body. Ten dates, maybe? You’re still pining after Nan, too, aren’t you?”

“Brian, sleep it off. Five years is a long time.”

He went down the stairs as Norma was coming up them. “Thanks for bringing him home.”

“Sure.”

“Something like this went down last year, too. His wife’s birthday…that’s really all he ever says. I knew, soon after we met, of course, that she had died in a tragic accident. He must have really loved her. Anyway, thanks. A man who’s dealt with something like that needs help now and then. Hey, would you like coffee or something before heading out?”

“Thank you, no.”

“Well, thanks again. This was really good of you.”

“No problem.”

“Hey, I do remember you from a flight, you know. You’re a cop, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“So you knew his wife.”

“Yes, I did. I was her partner.”

Jake didn’t say anything more, just continued down the stairs and let himself out. When he returned to his houseboat, he discovered that Nick and Sharon had left him a covered dish of shrimp and pasta.

Good. He was hungry. The long weekend had allowed him a day off, but moving the boat had given him plenty to do. He ate, realizing he was starved.

He fell into bed, exhausted, but knew damned well it would be a while before he slept. Nancy’s birthday. She would have been thirty. Hell.

It was usually good to sleep on a houseboat. The light rocking of the waves. Ocean air. Both usually eased his tensions.

Not tonight.

He tossed around for a while, thinking that maybe he shouldn’t have opted to spend the night alone. And he thought about Brian’s words.

The D.A.’s assistant.

The waitress.

Yeah, there had been women in his life. But still, he would go so far…and back away. Hell, yes. He’d been in love with Nancy. Then. And now…

Now she was a ghost in his life. A phantom. A memory, a scent. Sometimes, he would swear he could still hear her laughter.