Laurie Graham - The Future Homemakers of America

Seemed to me the main thing was to make sure Gayle didn’t come to any harm.

‘Well,’ I said, ‘while we’re on the subject of problem wives, Lois is out on the loose again. Herb’s home playing Mr Mom.’

‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘I’ve been thinking about that too.’

Gayle was still on the bed, where I’d left her. Audrey climbed in beside her, gave her a hug.

‘Baby,’ she said, ‘I’m sorry I yelled at you. Can we make up? Be friends as well as neighbours?’

Gayle didn’t look too good. Far as she was concerned I think the room was still spinning.

‘Now listen,’ Audrey said. ‘I understand how you’re feeling. I mean, it’s a real tragedy about Carol Benedetto, but you know, maybe she would have done it wherever she was. Or maybe they should have sent her home sooner than three weeks. You ever think of that? Maybe the military has got it right, forcing people to pick theirselves up and get on with the rest of their lives. Hm? And as for us, we’re wives of the 96 th. Whatever turns up we got to do our bit, keep the military machine humming ’cause those Soviets sure aren’t gonna give us any compassionate leave.’

Gayle just lay there listening.

‘Now, you take my advice,’ Aud said, ‘you’ll close your eyes and play possum, ’cause Betty just pulled upside with a thermos of that ham-bone soup of hers.’

That raised a groggy smile.

We left Betty coaxing spoonfuls of broth into her.

I said, ‘She’ll be okay.’

Audrey said, ‘She better be. Now. You wanna try and do something about the Lois situation?’

We went in her car.

She said, ‘I couldn’t give a damn about Lois, you understand? But if Kath Pharaoh finds out, she could make waves. It could get back to the CO, and we don’t want that kind of trouble in the squadron.’

I said, ‘It’s Herb I feel sorry for.’

‘Him too,’ she said. ‘You think you’d be able to keep Kath under control, if it came to it?’

I said, ‘Me?’

‘Well, she’s your friend,’ she said. ‘You think you could keep her quiet?’

I said, ‘Somebody set their cap at your Lance, would you keep quiet?’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘And so would you. We have our careers to think of.’

First I knew I had a career.

She said, ‘You think she meets him at his house? I don’t think so. What if Kath came home?’

Just beyond the railroad crossing there was an old piece of hardstand, used to have a gas pump on it. She parked there.

‘Let’s walk a little,’ she said.

So we walked where a path was worn, along a ridge, up above the fields. The sun was shining. There was a warm breeze just riffling through the grass and not a sound except for birds singing.

‘There’s a lapwing,’ she said. ‘Hear him? Pee-wit, pee-wit.’

I said, ‘Do we have a plan?’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘let’s see if we can see her car.’

‘And then what?’

‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I’d just like her to know we’ve had her in our sights. Give her a jolt. Then maybe she’ll come to her senses. Quit running around. I don’t see what else we can do, short of getting her seen to by a veterinarian.’

‘Okay,’ I said, ‘and how do we happen to be walking out here ourselves? We sure as hell can’t say we’re on our way someplace.’

‘We’re getting a breath of spring air, Peggy,’ she said. ‘We’re communing with nature. Oh look. Stop. Don’t move. See what I see? In the field? Way over, nearly in the middle?’

They were up on their hind legs, ears pricked, slugging it out like prize-fighters.

I said, ‘Jeez, I never seen conies that size before. I didn’t think they had anything in this place bigger’n we’ve got back home.’

‘They’re not conies,’ she said. ‘They’re jack hares, and they’re boxing. That’s what they do in the spring. It’s a sign the sap is well and truly rising.’

At the end of the ridge we could see across to Blackdyke Drove. No sign of anybody at Kath’s. I knew for a fact she was beet-hoeing.

Aud said, ‘Let’s go as far as the willows over there. They run right down to the water. She could be there. Getting a lesson on eels.’

We carried on along the track. Every step I took, I wished more and more I’d minded my own business. I was feeling like a guilty party myself, sneaking around, trying to catch a person doing wrong. I never noticed the tyre marks. I think Audrey did though. I seem to remember she suddenly picked up the pace.

We were right past the old tractor shed before I saw the trunk of Lo’s old Chevy poking out. Then there was John Pharaoh, staring right at us outta the rear windowshield, but not really seeing us, his being otherwise engaged. Me and Audrey were rooted to the spot. Then he must have said something ’cause the door opened and Lois scrambled out with her nylons round her ankles. Her hair was all mussed up too. She was trying to push it out of her eyes.

I turned and ran. But Audrey stood her ground. Then I heard Lois start up. ‘What the hell is your game?’ she yelled.

‘What’s our game?’ Audrey shouted back. ‘Well, that’s pretty rich!’

‘Can’t keep your long nose outta anything, can you, Rudman? Tell you what, you are a sick woman. And you… ’ That was me. ‘…I never took you for a snoop. I thought you were my friend.’

I kept running. Audrey walked back in her own good time.

We had to clean the earth off our sneakers before we could get back into the car. I didn’t feel too good.

I said, ‘Jeez, Aud, now I wish we never had gone.’

‘Me too,’ she said. ‘It’s made me feel horny as hell, and Lance is standing the duty the next three nights. Still, mission accomplished. We marked her card. Saved the honour of the squadron.’

‘Fuck the squadron,’ Lois said. Using a word like that in front of her child. I had gone round to see her. Try to explain things, mend a few fences, but she wasn’t ready yet.

Saturday I picked Kath up and we drove to Downham. They had a cute little market there, sold eggs and stuff, laid out on tables under canvas canopies. Potatoes covered in dirt and all kinds of rabbit-food greenery. I wouldn’t have touched any of it for fear of disease, but it was fun to go look.

Kath said, ‘You’re quiet, Peg. You all right?’

I said, ‘I’m okay. Things on my mind.’

‘Have you?’ she said.

She was buying something called roe. It comes from a fish. There were seabirds sitting in a line along a roof. ‘Look at that,’ she said. ‘Must be bad weather coming in. You sure you don’t want any roe? That’s smashing on a bit of buttered toast.’

We walked on.

I said, ‘Friend of mine has been playing around. You know what I mean? Married woman. And I don’t want to see her go ruin her life.’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘I don’t see what you can do. I think I’ll get a bit of celery while I’m here.’

I said, ‘Her husband ever finds out, or the other wife, I don’t like to think. If I had that done to me, Vern ever played away, I’d kill him.’

‘But that’s different with men,’ she said. ‘That’s in their nature. They can’t hardly stop theirselves, what I’ve seen of it. That’s like trying to keep a tomcat from straying.’

I said, ‘Like hell it’s different. A man stands up and makes his vows, he oughta keep to them.’

My heart was pounding.

She said, ‘I agree. But how do you get them to do it? That’s the question. You can’t be watching them every minute.’

I was lost for words.

‘I tell you what,’ she said. ‘I always say to John Pharaoh, “Be good, and if you can’t be good, be careful. You bring trouble to my door, I shall get you spayded. Then you’ll be sorry.” Oh, there’s May Gotobed. Can we give her a ride home?’