Robyn Carr - The Life She Wants

Emma considered this for a second. “Jock and Riley never told her the details?”

“Emmie, I don’t think I even know all the details, when you put it that way. I didn’t have any trouble guessing. Riley and Jock never married. They weren’t even together when Maddie was born.”

Her mouth fell open. All these years she had this mental image of Riley and Jock, young and in love. Of course she knew they hadn’t stayed together, that he’d gone on to marry and divorce another woman, but she thought that for at least a while they were a couple. “You’re kidding!”

He shook his head.

“Doesn’t that just figure?”

“What are you saying?” he asked her.

“Well, my half sister and stepsister, Drizella and Anastasia, couldn’t wait to bring me the news that my best friend was pregnant and planning to marry my boyfriend, but they never mentioned the happy couple didn’t stay together. I found out later, of course, but not while I was hurting over it. Because, hey, that might’ve made me actually feel less...” She stopped herself. “In fact, those few times we talked, you didn’t mention they weren’t a couple.”

“I tried not to mention Riley and Jock at all,” he said. “They were on and off for a little while. Maybe that’s not accurate, either—they weren’t together. They tried to create an amicable relationship for Maddie’s sake, but they never even lived together. In fact, I think I’d need a chart and a graph to understand where Maddie came from because Riley and Jock were like oil and water. But I don’t want Maddie to think badly of either of them. Well, let me be honest, I wouldn’t be devastated to learn she thinks a little badly of Jock. He pissed me off. He got my sister pregnant and didn’t exactly step up to the plate. He was pretty useless back then, but he was just a kid. And he is her father. I’d rather we all get along. And I don’t want Maddie blindsided by a lot of nasty gossip.”

“I won’t be saying anything, Adam. I’d prefer to forget it ever happened,” Emma said. “At the time, it was awful.”

“I think it’s safe to say a lot of people were hurt.”

“You’re in luck. If anyone remembers me they will have much juicier stuff than my best friend and boyfriend getting together while I was away at school sixteen years ago. All the same, Riley and Jock should explain it to her before anyone else does.”

“Of course. The minute she’s capable of understanding at least a little bit. I’m kind of an expert on teenagers. Girls Maddie’s age are filled with a kind of tragic drama and fatalism that can easily cast them in a dark place. I’ve watched it. We’ve had our challenges as a family and it hasn’t always been easy, but one thing we did manage. We managed to make sure Maddie never felt like a mistake. She always felt loved and wanted. I think.”

“It never came up?” Emma asked. “Didn’t anyone ask how Riley ended up having Jock’s baby when he was supposed to be my boyfriend?”

“I only recall once or twice. Riley said you and Jock had broken up when you went away to school, which was at least partially true. It’s been a long time—I just want to be sure Maddie always feels secure.”

How lucky, Emma thought. Since she was just a kid she had known two things about the Kerrigan family. They had very obvious struggles; life for them had never been easy. But they had enough familial loyalty and love to glue them together. Emma had always envied that because she’d never had it.

Emma’s problems began long before she lost her boyfriend to her best friend.

* * *

Emma was a bit too young to understand her placement in the family when her father married Rosemary Caliban, but it didn’t take her long to instinctively know she was only loved by her father, and her father was a lonely, unhappy, broken man.

His wife gone, John Shay married someone who appeared, on the surface, to be a good match. A woman who was willing to help raise Emma. But Rosemary was a stern woman with a mean side and a streak of jealousy a mile wide. She brought a daughter to the marriage, produced a second and clearly preferred both of them to Emma. Once Emma was an adult and could look back on it she supposed it didn’t help that people often remarked on how pretty she was. And her daddy couldn’t stop himself from commenting on how much she resembled her late mother, with her chestnut hair and large dark eyes. Rosemary undoubtedly despised hearing that, and who wouldn’t?

Emma remembered Rosemary doing subtle things to show her favoritism. She’d fold Anna’s and Lauren’s clothes and toss Emma’s on the bed, took her two girls shopping and to lunch while Emma was with Riley, never inviting her. Emma even suspected the gifts she got at Christmas were of lesser value and almost never fit. Rosemary would help her daughters with the kitchen cleanup when it was their turn but Emma was left on her own. When John Shay stepped in to help Emma, she knew he had noticed and that made her feel worse, not better. When her father died it was the Kerrigan family that comforted her more than her own. It was obvious Rosemary didn’t miss John much.

It wasn’t long before a man moved in—her new stepfather, Vince Kingston. Vince wasn’t gentle and sweet like her father had been. He was a crass idiot who made crude and suggestive remarks to his new stepdaughters, but Rosemary just ignored him. Emma gave him a wide berth, as did Anna and Lauren. Emma wasn’t quite sure where she belonged. Or if she belonged anywhere at all.

That was always an issue with her, that she had no real family. This seemed especially important during her high school years, and when her father died...it seemed hopeless. She felt so self-conscious, as if everyone at school knew she was basically an orphan. And who was there for her through the confusion and sadness? Riley, Adam, their mother, June, and Riley’s grandparents. They were the family she always longed for.

It was like Adam was always watching over them all.

* * *

On her second glass of wine, fortified with a little cheese and fruit, she asked him about his grandparents. She knew they had passed away, but hadn’t heard until they’d been gone awhile.

“Well, Grandpa died when I was twenty-two. He wasn’t sick long. Cancer took him quickly. Gram just went along, died in her sleep a year later. I was twenty-three and had just finished my teaching degree. My grandparents left the house to Mom, of course. It took me five more years to move out, get my own place. Riley and Maddie took a little longer and for the life of me I’m not sure why they even bothered—they’re at Mom’s all the time.” He laughed. “But then, so am I. I check on her a lot. I do the guy chores around the house and try to take her out to dinner regularly. I hate her always cooking for all of us, even though she loves to cook. She volunteers with a bunch of church ladies, taking meals to the elderly and infirm.”

Emma looked down. “I missed your family. Your mother most of all. I think she was more family to me than Rosemary ever was.”

“And she misses you. You know, it wouldn’t look like you’re giving in to stop by the house and say hello. There’s no commitment involved. It might be time to rethink this feud.”

She laughed uncomfortably. “You don’t understand. I’m not angry anymore. It’s just... We can’t be friends again, Adam.”

“Who? Me and you?”

“Oh, I like the idea of being your friend,” she said with a little laugh. “Especially since you know these nifty little hideaways where you can have wine under the stars. But I can’t have you trying to work things out between me and Riley. We’re done.”

He gave her a steady, half-amused look. “Really, Emmie Cat? After all you’ve gone through in the past few years, you’re worried about friendship with Riley?”