Laurie Graham - The Unfortunates

Ma appeared at the unwontedly late hour of half past seven and interrupted me just as I had decided to stop pacing the floor and exploit such rare solitude. When Ma was at home she never found it convenient for me to sing or lie stretched on the hearthrug.

‘Where have you been?’ I yelled. ‘I was all but ready to look for you in the morgue.’

She had the dull flush of a person who had been drinking sherry wine.

‘Poppy,’ she said, ‘I told you last night and again this morning, I was invited to Dear Yetta’s crush for starving Polish babies. How inattentive you have become.’

I’m sure I would not have forgotten such a thing. Had I been told, I’m sure I might have hurried home sooner from Depot No. 5 and accompanied Ma myself, to the house Yetta Landau shared with her brother-in-law, to the very home and hearth of my secret sweetheart, Oscar Jacoby.

Ma and Aunt Fish had been driven home in Mr Jacoby’s Studebaker automobile, but I was unable to find out much more than that. For a woman who had crossed Central Park twice in one day and partaken of intoxicating drink, Ma had surprisingly little to say for herself. She could give me no account of the people she had met, or the style of the Jacoby house, and when I asked whether she might arrange a little affair of her own, whether Miss Landau and her family might pay us a return visit, she only gave a contented sigh.

‘I think,’ she said, ‘I may take a powder and retire.’

She climbed the stairs, listing gently to starboard.

‘Please be sure to dock all the laws,’ she called, and disappeared into her boudoir.

My appetite restored by the knowledge that I wasn’t an orphan after all, I wolfed down the sandwiches and set to work on creating a love letter from my soldier on the Western Front.

‘My own little girl,’ I began.

Well here I am in Flanders’ field, killing the Boche and having a dandy time. I get off about six every night and I sure wish you were here with me so we could go out dancing. The eats here are pretty good. Still, I can’t wait till we have whipped the Hun and I can return to your loving arms. I know a girl like you won’t lack for gentlemen admirers, but I hope you can find it in your heart to wait for your devoted sweetheart, Oscar.

I wrote it first in a selection of styles until I hit upon a hand that looked manly. Then I made a fair copy on onionskin paper and jumped on it a while. By the time I was finished it had the appearance of having come to me through fire and flood, and for good measure, I slept with it under my pillow that night.

Oscar Jacoby was beginning to take on flesh.

He was good fun, I decided, with just the right amount of seriousness. He was a first-rate dancer, and he had cool hands, not clammy and pink like Harry’s. And he’d take a girl to supper and allow her to choose anything she liked, even two kinds of dessert. He wouldn’t give her a baby and leave her at home with it banging its drum.

Ethel Yeo gave me a sly smile when I showed them my letter next day. I turned away and when I looked again, she was still smirking at me.

‘As a matter of fact,’ I said, ‘my Ma dined with his people only last night.’

‘Yeah?’ she said. ‘And what division did you say he’s with?’

Hellfire and damnation if I just couldn’t remember whether I’d said he was with the 26th or the 28th. I pretended I hadn’t heard her. I excused myself and went to pay a call.

‘Never mind, Hot Stuff,’ she whispered, next time she came near me. ‘I’ll be able to ask him myself, won’t I? When he comes home from the war?’

In March 1918 the Bolsheviks surrendered to the Hun and Uncle Israel Fish took me to the theater to see Harry Lauder. Mr Lauder was a Scotchman. He wore a skirt and sang songs I couldn’t understand, but Uncle Israel seemed to enjoy them very much indeed. After the show we went to the Waldorf for champagne wine and oyster soup, and he said it would be a good time to have a little talk about my impending inheritance.

‘You’ll get a monthly allowance,’ he said, but he wouldn’t say how much. ‘Don’t want you running wild with it, Pops,’ he said. ‘And you’ll have a nice spread of stockholdings, keeping your money working for you.’

I said, ‘Will I be richer than Honey?’

‘What kind of a question is that?’ he said. ‘Harry’s made some smart investments for Honey. I’m not party to the details, of course, but Harry has a head on his shoulders. He has a nose for the coming thing.’

I remarked that I didn’t want Harry’s nose anywhere near my investments.

‘Never fear,’ Uncle said, ‘I’ll be managing your fund, and you’ll find me a more conservative investor than these young bloods. Stay liquid, that’s what I always advise. You won’t catch me buying big houses in Oyster Bay.’

That was Harry’s latest thing. He foresaw a need for convalescent homes on Long Island once we had won the war.

I said, ‘But when shall I be old enough to manage my own fund?’

I believe Uncle Israel looked a little hurt.

‘Well, of course,’ he said, ‘I shan’t be around forever. And when you marry …’

I said, ‘But I’m not allowed to marry. I have to stay home and take care of Ma.’

‘Who told you such a thing?’ he said. ‘Of course you’ll marry. And then your husband will advise you on your investments. But no hurry. I’m good for a few years yet.’

He ordered a rack of lamb with pommes de terre boulanger . It was news indeed to me that I was no longer expected to remain an old maid. I thought this over as we ate, Uncle making short work of the ribs while I concentrated on the potatoes. They were the best I had ever tasted.

The champagne wine had made me feel a little fizzy, but I was suddenly awake enough to see a connection between my secretly restored eligibility and the abrupt silences that fell whenever I walked in on Ma and Aunt Fish. They were matchmaking.

‘Uncle Israel,’ I said, ‘did you ever meet Mr Jacoby?’

He choked a little on a piece of meat and turned quite purple before he was able to catch his breath and order a glass of brandy. He dabbed at his eyes with his napkin.

‘Judah Jacoby?’ he said, eventually. ‘Yes, I know him. I remember his father, too. Of course, they were just importers when they started, but they’re in everything now. Everything from the pelt to the finished garment. Fine quality and square dealings. That’s Jacoby.’

I said, ‘His wife died, you know, and her sister helped him raise his sons?’

‘Oh yes,’ he said. ‘I hear all about it, never fear.’

I said, ‘And Oscar Jacoby is gone for a soldier. Do you happen to know which lot he’s with?’

‘No idea,’ he said. ‘Though I’m sure I’ve been told. I leave my superiors to keep up with that side of things.’

And he gave me a funny greasy smile. My heart was racing.

I said, ‘Uncle Israel, Ma and Aunt Fish are always laughing and whispering when they come home from the Jacobys’ but they don’t tell me anything. Do you suppose … ?’

‘Pops,’ he said. He leaned across the table and patted my hand. ‘I have learned not to suppose anything. Who can possibly fathom what Dora and Zillah find amusing? Perhaps they’re matchmaking. Perhaps they’re just enjoying their war. Now, who’s for charlotte russe?’

I went home with a warm, fluffy feeling inside my tummy. Ma was already in bed, but her light was still burning so I went into her and gave her a kind of hug that was not customary in our family.

‘Oh Ma,’ I said, ‘I’m so happy.’

‘Poppy,’ she said, ‘I do believe you’re tight. Did Israel explain everything? About your money?’