Terri Reed - Love Comes Home and A Sheltering Love - Love Comes Home / A Sheltering Love

Josh eased open the large solid-oak front door far enough to squeeze through. He didn’t want a squeak of the hinge to herald his arrival. He wasn’t ready to see his family, whom he could hear in the kitchen. He needed time, time to sort out the struggle going on inside of him.

He took the hardwood stairs slowly, placing each foot carefully in the spots where they wouldn’t creak. In his room he closed the door and sat on the bed. With his elbows on his knees, he dropped his head into his hands.

All the way home he’d kept the thoughts at bay, forcing his mind into a blank numbness. But now they wouldn’t be held back. Had Rachel really not known about Andrea? She’d seemed genuinely surprised, and remorseful. His heart told him she hadn’t known, which only confirmed his belief that once she’d left town she’d never looked back.

Just like his mother.

Andrea. Sweet Andrea. Guilt engulfed him. He groaned, a deep, gut-wrenching sound that echoed in the quiet of his room.

Lord, it’s too much to bear. Please take my guilt.

The plea went up as it had a hundred times before, but Josh snatched his plea back before he could feel any relief. He didn’t deserve God’s attention and mentally flogged himself with the pain of his guilt.

He hadn’t loved Andrea enough. Not the way she’d needed to be loved. He’d tried to be a good husband. He’d encouraged her, supported her, provided for her. He’d given her everything he could but not the one thing she’d wanted—all of his heart.

Josh scrubbed at his face, trying to wipe away the sting of his self-loathing.

It was his fault Andrea was dead.

Because he couldn’t erase Rachel from his heart.

Rachel. Was she right that he’d only wanted a wife, any wife? Had he been that arrogant and selfish? He’d tried to love Andrea with the same intensity he’d loved Rachel, but it had never happened.

Should he have pursued Rachel after she left? According to her, yes. But would his pursuit have changed anything? Would she have come back to the mountains to be his wife?

No, she wouldn’t have.

And he couldn’t have lived in the city playing second fiddle to her career.

Josh stood and paced, the leather soles of his shoes leaving indents in the dark green carpet. In the back of his mind a thought crept up, making him pause. Had he held his heart from Andrea because he was afraid to love her too deeply?

He clenched his jaw. It didn’t matter now.

What he’d had to give hadn’t been enough for Andrea. He’d lost her, just as he’d lost Rachel and his mother. Because he was not enough. And he was never going to make the mistake of trying to love again.

Now Rachel was back. He had every intention of not seeing her again before she left. He would have to plan his visits to Mrs. G. for when Rachel wouldn’t be around.

Because this time he wouldn’t be left behind with a broken heart.

Silvery light filtered into the hospital room, filling in the shadows created by the bedside lamp.

“In the emergency room we…” Rachel paused as she noticed Mom G. fighting to keep her eyes open. “Here, now. I’ve talked enough. You should rest.”

Mom G. smiled slightly. “Your life sounds very interesting, dear.”

“It can be.” Satisfaction in her career grew through the research she’d done and the triage techniques she’d implemented so far. But so much more could be done to improve the quality of patient care, and every day she spent in the emergency room was a new adventure.

She liked delivering babies the best. Liked the amazing miracle of life. God’s wondrous process for continuing humanity. Sometimes she’d thought about switching gears and going into obstetrics or pediatrics, but she didn’t want the emotional attachments those specialties would bring. In the E.R., patients came, they left. Her heart wasn’t at risk and her mind stayed focused on her goal.

“Rachel, would you read to me for a bit?”

“Of course. What…?”

Mom G. pointed to the small bedside table. “My Bible’s in the drawer.”

She pulled out the black Bible, the same Bible that Mom G. had read to her from years ago. The worn black leather grew warm beneath her hands. “I remember this Bible.” She glanced at Mom G. For a moment it appeared Mom G. had fallen asleep. Then she opened her eyes and smiled. Rachel looked questioningly at her.

Mom G. sighed. “I think the Psalms would be soothing.”

Rachel opened the book and the once-familiar scent of Mom G.’s soft, powdery perfume wafted from the yellowed pages. A pang of nostalgia tugged at her heartstrings.

“Rachel?”

She paused and glanced up. “Yes?

“Would you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

Mom G. gazed at her intently. “Would you call Josh?”

Rachel drew back. She didn’t want to talk with Josh. “Call him?”

“I want to talk to you both.”

“I’m sure he’ll come tomorrow.” Rachel would make sure she took the opportunity to speak with Dr. Kessler in his office while Josh visited so they wouldn’t have to see each other.

Mom G. nodded. “Yes, but I want to make sure. I want to see you both together.”

She lifted her brows. “Together?” Inside, she cringed. She’d come to town for Mom G., not to spend time with Josh.

“Please,” Mom G. implored.

Rachel couldn’t deny her the request. If Mom G. wanted to see them together then they’d be here together. Even if seeing Josh was painful, Rachel would do it, for Mom G. “I’ll call him.” So much for keeping her distance.

Mom G. relaxed. “Thank you.”

Her chest hurt with love for Mom G. She leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome.”

She sat back and stared at the open Bible in her lap. She didn’t like the quiver of anticipation racing along her limbs at the thought of seeing Josh again. It was a purely physical reaction. Just because she found him attractive meant nothing.

She read King David’s Psalms. Lord, speak to me. I need Your guidance. After all, she was who she was and the past was the past. There was only now, for Mom G. But Rachel didn’t feel comforted by that thought.

A familiar sense of hurt filled her, reminding her of the pain loving Josh had caused. She would keep her focus on her path in life and fortify the fortress around her heart. She refused to allow him back in because once there he would make her want something she wasn’t able to have—a life with him.

Moonlight bathed the old Victorian in a soft glow as the community of Sonora settled down to enjoy another peaceful night nestled at the foot of the Sierra Nevadas. The Taylor men relaxed together in the cozy warmth of the living room. Josh had read in some parent-oriented magazine that children needed a calming home environment. He’d tried to make the inside of the house as comfortable and welcoming as possible with furniture that, in soothing greens and blues, invited relaxation yet was durable for a growing boy like Griff.

Josh liked this time of evening. He could talk to his son and find out about his day. What he’d done, seen, learned. And Josh would tell about his own day. Only, tonight he left out seeing Rachel. She wasn’t a part of their lives and never would be.

Josh glanced at his watch. “Time for bed, kiddo.”

“Aw, Dad. Come on. Just a little longer, please?”

Josh ruffled his son’s hair. “Nope. It’s time for bed.”

“Will you read to me?” Griff asked as he slowly got off the couch.

He nodded. “Go get ready for bed, then pick out your book. I’ll be up soon.”

Griff walked to the bookcase where Rod Taylor stood with a book in hand. He kissed the older man’s leathery cheek. “Good night, Grandpa.”