Terri Reed - Love Comes Home and A Sheltering Love - Love Comes Home / A Sheltering Love

When she wasn’t knee-deep in research, sometimes she’d go to the library and read the latest medical journals and texts. Occasionally she’d dated. There’d been a fellow med student in school and a real nice guy from church a while ago, but over the years she hadn’t met anyone she particularly wanted to pursue a relationship with. Besides, she didn’t have time for men. Her life was the way she wanted it. No attachments. No hassles. No pain.

“Have you seen Josh?” Mom G. asked.

“Yes.” Remembering their meeting made her skin heat with embarrassment. She’d acted very badly, nothing like how she’d expected to act. Calm and cool, showing him that he couldn’t affect her, which was how she’d dreamed their reunion would be. “He was here when I arrived.”

Mom G.’s expression became wistful. “It seems like only yesterday I was watching you go off to the prom with him. You two made such a handsome couple.”

A shiver of vivid recollection raced through Rachel. Her beautiful dress, Josh’s tux. The excitement, the anguish. “I haven’t thought about that night in years.”

“The king and the queen of the ball,” Mom G. teased lightly.

Rachel laughed, remembering the almost giddy feeling she’d had when they’d placed the gold crown on her head. “It was a perfect evening.” At first.

“That was the night Josh proposed.”

Rachel slid her gaze away from the intense look in Mom G.’s eyes. Her mind burned with the unwanted memories of that night. Josh had looked so handsome wearing that crown. They’d been dancing when he’d pulled her out onto the balcony and asked her to be his wife.

She’d been torn between her love for him and the path God had chosen for her. At the time she naively thought she could have both. She’d asked Josh for time, for him to be patient. Had expected they’d find a way to work it out that she could become a doctor and his wife.

But when it came down to accepting his proposal and his condition of staying in Sonora or the full scholarship to Northwestern, she’d chosen medicine because her soul would die if she didn’t.

At that moment she’d known that God’s plan for her didn’t include the kind of love she’d have only with Josh.

“That was a long time ago and has no bearing on my life now.”

Sadness filled Mom G. eyes. “I’ve respected your wish not to talk about him. But, dear, we need to have this talk.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you both.”

Rachel drew in a deep breath. She’d learned long ago it was better to meet a challenge head on rather than flee from it. “All right, if that’s what you wish.” She didn’t want to have this conversation while standing. She sat down. “I know about Andrea.”

Mom G.’s eyes widened. “Then you’ve talked with Josh.”

“A little.”

Mom G. shook her head; her wispy blond hair stuck to the pillow. “Such a waste.”

“How—how did she…?” Rachel wanted to know, yet she knew sometimes there was protection in ignorance.

Mom G. pursed her lips. “An awful, awful car accident.”

Rachel winced in sympathy. She shuddered slightly and suppressed the image of the last car accident victim she hadn’t been able to save. “It must have been hard on Josh.”

“Oh, honey, it was in so many ways.” Mom G. stared into space for a heartbeat then turned to Rachel. “Do you have someone in your life?”

She blinked. “Uh…you mean a man?”

“Are you involved in a relationship?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so. Good.” Mom G. seemed to relax.

Rachel narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean ‘good’?”

Mom G. gripped Rachel’s hand tight. “Is your hope still in Jesus?”

Rachel gently patted the frail hand encased within her own. “Yes, my hope’s in Jesus. He’s my strength. You showed me that—you and Josh.”

Mom G. nodded. “God loves you.”

“I know. He’s blessed me greatly. He brought me to you. Without Him and you in my life I’d…be lost. I’m doing what He wants with my life.”

Mom G.’s brows drew together. “But He wants so much more for you.”

More? She’d tried to have more once and she’d ended up with nothing but pain. Loving was a risk she was no longer willing to take. She shook her head. “I have everything I need. There couldn’t possibly be more.”

“What about love? Aren’t you lonely?”

Mom G.’s words struck a cord within Rachel. She tugged at her bottom lip, loath to admit that there had been times over the years she’d watched couples, families, and felt an ache she couldn’t explain. Was it loneliness?

Maybe.

But loneliness was a small price to pay to fulfill God’s plan and to protect her heart.

“My life’s very full. I might not have as many friends as I could…” Rachel frowned at the direction of her thoughts. Friends couldn’t help in her quest to change emergency room procedures. “I just don’t have time for relationships.”

“Don’t grow old alone. Believe me, it’s not fun.”

Guilt reached up and slapped Rachel. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you.”

Mom G. touched Rachel’s cheek. “No, honey, you had to do what you needed to do. I regret that I never remarried after Frank died. I don’t want you to make the same mistake.”

Rachel nuzzled into the touch. She hadn’t known Mr. Green. He’d been gone long before she’d come to live with Mom G. His picture graced the nightstand in Mom G.’s bedroom. “I’ll be fine, I promise,” Rachel assured her.

“Don’t you think you’d be better with Josh in your life?”

Rachel schooled her features. She didn’t want Mom G. to know how upsetting she found the subject of Josh. She didn’t want her to know she still hurt deep inside her heart, in a far corner she pretended didn’t exist.

“Don’t avoid this Rachel.”

Rachel met Mom G.’s gaze straight on. “There’s nothing to avoid. Josh isn’t a part of my life and he’s not going to be.”

Tears gathered at the corners of Mom G.’s eyes. “He needs you.”

Mom G.’s sadness tore at Rachel. She wouldn’t be able to make Mom G. happy. Not if her happiness involved Josh. “This is upsetting you.”

“He needs you,” Mom G. insisted.

Slowly Rachel shook her head. “He’s never needed me.”

“But he does. Rachel, he’s always loved you and you still love him.”

A double-edged sword of hurt and anger sliced through her. Her heart raced and her blood pounded in her ears. Josh didn’t love her. She doubted he ever had.

As for her loving him…She closed her eyes briefly and hardened her heart. Been there, done that. Not doing it again. Emotions would not control her actions. Her goal in life was to make sure her mother hadn’t died in vain, not to resurrect her relationship with Josh.

She opened her eyes and took a calming breath, regaining her composure. “It’s not a matter of love. Josh had an idea of what he wanted in a wife and I wasn’t it. He wanted someone I couldn’t be.”

“But that was then.”

Rachel lifted one shoulder. “Nothing has changed. I’m still who I am.”

“But they need you.”

They? Rachel figured she must mean Josh and his father, Rod.

Mom G. dropped her gaze and sighed, but not before Rachel saw the disappointment in her eyes. She wouldn’t say anything to encourage Mom G. She and Josh were history. And nothing could change that.

“Tell me about your new position.”

Rachel nodded, thankful for a subject she’d have no trouble discussing, a subject that didn’t make her suffer deep in her soul.

Because no matter how she looked at it, the subject of Josh would only bring her heartache.

The late-afternoon sun began to make its descent behind the mountain range, the fading light casting long shadows across the yard and backlighting Josh’s Victorian house. Coming home at the end of the day always gave him a sense of satisfaction and peace. He’d worked long and hard refurbishing the broken-down Victorian, preserving as much of the original woodwork as possible. The overgrown land and swamp of a built-in pool had required hours of grueling labor to bring out the potential he’d known lay underneath. He’d created a stable sanctuary for his son and managed to ignore the vague feeling of incompleteness that plagued him at night.