Terri Reed - Love Comes Home and A Sheltering Love - Love Comes Home / A Sheltering Love

When Linnea’s hand slipped into hers, Rachel blinked with surprise, but then she realized that Jennifer’s hand was extended toward her. Around the table hands were held, forming a circle. Rachel took Jennifer’s hand, completing the ring. As Paul said the blessing, Rachel felt a stab of longing for Josh. For the family with him that would never be. She forced herself not to open her eyes and look at him.

The meal progressed in a chaotic whirl. Rachel fielded questions about her life and in turn she asked about their lives. She found out Paul was a bank executive, Will liked basketball as did Griff, Krissy was passionate about horses and Linnea loved to have tea parties.

The children all had something to say, and the volume rose as they talked over each other. Jennifer fed the baby with intermittent comments and Paul listened attentively to each person while exchanging loving glances with his wife.

Rachel glanced at Josh occasionally and would catch him staring at her, heating her with the almost tender expression in his eyes. She smiled at him and felt like such a fake. She wasn’t cut out for this kind of scene. Yet she couldn’t deny the stirrings of need for such a life, for a family to call her own. She watched Jennifer. Her friend’s eyes lit with joy and her smile came readily. Did she regret not pursuing her dreams? Could Rachel ever hope to have what her friend had?

Even if she could, that kind of life would never include Josh. His life was here; hers was in Chicago. A ribbon of sadness wound its way through her. She accepted it because she had no choice. She had to keep focused on God’s plan for her.

After the table was cleared, Paul hefted Bobby into his arms. “Why doesn’t Griff stay the night?” he asked Josh. “We have extra toothbrushes and he can sleep in a pair of Will’s pj’s.”

“Can I, Dad? Can I?” Griff hopped in excitement.

“Sure, I suppose that would be okay since school’s out now,” Josh replied, earning himself a big hug from Griff.

“I’ll get these rugrats settled in,” Paul said as he ushered the kids down the hall.

Josh’s gazed darted between the two women and then he called after Paul, “I’ll help you.”

“Chicken,” Rachel teased.

He glanced over his shoulder. “I know to retreat when I’m outnumbered.” He winked and then disappeared.

“Coffee or tea?” Jennifer asked once they were alone.

“Herbal tea would be nice.”

Rachel followed Jennifer into the kitchen. The white-tile countertops, light oak cabinetry and blue-and-white gingham window coverings created an inviting and soothing atmosphere. Rachel dismally recalled her own kitchen with its harvest-gold counters, bare walls and dark cabinets.

She watched Jennifer go about the task of making tea, her movements fluid and natural.

“How are you really doing, Rachel?”

The intensity in Jennifer’s voice grabbed Rachel’s attention. Sliding onto a stool at the wide, white-tiled island in the center of the kitchen, she replied, “I’m hanging in there.”

Jennifer’s clear eyes searched Rachel’s face. “I’m worried about you.”

Rachel tilted her head, touched by her concern. “Why?”

Jennifer took the remaining stool. “Nothing specific. I just want you to be happy.”

Rachel put her hand on her friend’s hand. “Are you happy?”

Jennifer’s smile brightened the room. “Yes.”

“But you gave up your dream.”

Confusion dampened Jennifer’s smile. “What dream was that?”

“Traveling the world, taking pictures.”

Jennifer laughed softly. “Dreams change.”

Rachel sat back with a frown. “But you were so set on photojournalism.”

Jennifer went to the stove. She was silent as she poured the tea. Carrying two mugs, she handed one to Rachel and then resumed her seat. “You know, I envied you so much when we were young. You always knew who you were and what you wanted out of life.”

Rachel wrapped a hand around her mug. “So did you.”

Jennifer shook her head. “I didn’t have the conviction you did. It sounded good. Photojournalism.” She gave a wry laugh. “That would’ve been a lonely life. I was afraid to tell you my real dream was to have a family.”

“Why?”

Jennifer shrugged. “Your dream was so lofty, so ambitious. I didn’t want you to think less of me.”

Stung by that revelation, all Rachel could say was “Wow.”

Something deep inside Rachel shifted and an uncomfortable, wholly strange sensation filled her. For a pregnant, silent moment she stared at her friend, then comprehension dawned. She was envious. Envious of Jennifer’s freedom to choose.

But Rachel had been given a choice once. Marry Josh or pursue medicine. She’d made the only choice she could.

A sharp pain banged behind Rachel’s eyes. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

Her stirrings of longing for a family intensified, but along with that came the reality of what having a family for her would mean. The sacrifices and compromises that would need to be made. And the greatest sacrifice—the risk of loving and hurting.

Could she make those sacrifices, those compromises? And in doing so, would she be going against God’s plan? How could she ever make that choice?

“Rachel, are you okay?”

“I’m getting a bad headache.” She could hear the strain in her voice, feel the weight of her future crushing her heart.

Jennifer touched her arm. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

With practiced effort, Rachel forced the pain to recede. “It’s not you, Jennifer. It’s everything. Losing Mom G., seeing Josh…” The loneliness, the confusion. “Away from the hospital, I feel like I’m losing myself.”

“Or finding yourself.”

Jennifer’s verbal arrow quivered in the center of the bull’s-eye. “Maybe,” Rachel scoffed lightly, trying to ignore the well-aimed words.

“I watched Josh tonight. He cares for you.”

“Nothing could ever come of it. Josh and I both know that.”

“We both know what?” Josh asked as he and Paul entered the kitchen.

Heat flushed her cheeks. “Nothing.”

He arched a brow. “Looking pretty guilty for nothing.”

Rachel threw a panicked glance to Jennifer, looking for help.

Jennifer flipped her curls and smiled serenely. “Coffee or tea, gentlemen?”

Rachel was thankful the conversation turned to world news events. She relaxed as the light banter among the four of them stayed on subjects that didn’t include her and Josh in the same sentence.

She was painfully aware of Josh leaning against the counter beside her. His big hands toyed with a napkin, distracting her. He had nice strong hands. When he touched her hand, it seemed natural for her to curl her fingers around his.

“You tired?” he asked.

“Yeah, a little.” She stared into his eyes. He cares for you. She was getting in way too deep. She slipped her hand away.

They said their goodbyes to Griff, who was snuggled in a sleeping bag on the floor of Will’s room.

After promising Jennifer she’d see her again before leaving town, she followed Josh to the truck. He helped her in, his hand hot on her elbow, a shiver prickling her skin.

Alone with him in the truck, Rachel was acutely conscious of his masculine appeal. His muscled thighs and wide shoulders took up room, making her feel feminine in contrast. “It was a nice evening.”

“You surprised?” He slanted her a quick glance.

She shrugged. “I didn’t know what to expect.”

Josh pushed a button on the dash and soft country music filled the cab. She couldn’t tear her gaze from his profile. She liked the strength of his jaw and the line of his nose. Her gaze landed on his mouth, his lips. She clamped her jaw shut and turned away. She had no business fostering her attraction to him. No business wanting to kiss him.