Brenda Novak - This Heart of Mine

Now she was getting a short break from Lizzie and using the internet, as she’d wanted, but she couldn’t completely relax. Whenever she was in public she worried about running into a member of Lori’s family. She felt certain the Mansfields would cause a scene. So far, she’d been lucky. She hadn’t bumped into them—or Riley’s parents, who’d come out in such strong opposition to her seventeen years ago.

Coop, a friend she’d met in prison, would call a reprieve like that “a tender mercy,” and Phoenix was inclined to agree. Coop spotted tender mercies everywhere. Although she readily admitted to shooting her father when she caught him molesting her two-year-old daughter, and had three years left on her sentence, she managed to retain her optimism and keep fighting. It was her encouragement that’d helped Phoenix through her darkest times. You’re young and you’re beautiful and you’ll get out of here someday , she used to say. Then you can do anything you want with your life, and don’t let anyone tell you different.

For a second, it was almost as if she could hear Coop’s voice. That brought on a moment of nostalgia, made her miss Coop and a few of her other friends.

She decided to write them. She’d promised she would. But first she had to set up a Facebook account, she told herself, and focused more intently on the screen.

She wasn’t particularly good with a computer. She had barely enough knowledge and experience to be able to post her bracelets on Etsy and eBay, to manage her PayPal account and to respond to the people who contacted her, but millions of others had gotten on to the social networking giant, and she was sure she could figure it out, too.

The only problem was the bell that jingled over the door whenever anyone walked in or out. It was distracting. That noise signaled a change in her environment, alerted her to something new and potentially dangerous, and that made her tense—until she saw another individual or small group she didn’t recognize.

Fortunately, she had her coffee, so she could sit in the corner and try to go unnoticed behind her computer screen.

She was reading Facebook’s instructions when the bell went off yet again. She leaned to one side to see who it was—and did a double take. The last person she’d expected to come walking through that door was Jacob. He strolled in with a friend, both of them wearing beanies and looking so cute she couldn’t help feeling a sense of pride. That was her boy and he was big and handsome and smart. He seemed like a really nice person, too.

But she didn’t want to put him on the spot. She was afraid that singling him out might embarrass him. So she kept working as if she hadn’t noticed him. She thought he and his friend would grab their lattes or whatever they were getting and head out without glancing in her direction. But Jacob spotted her while they were waiting for their order and surprised her by saying, “Hey! It’s my mom.”

He’d spoken loudly enough that it would seem strange if she didn’t look up. So she met his gaze and smiled. She was just trying to decide if she should walk over, or if he’d rather she just waved. But she didn’t have to make that choice; he brought his friend to her.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

She turned her computer so he could see it. “Trying to navigate Facebook for the first time.”

“Piece of cake,” he said. “Let me help you.”

He pulled a chair from another table and slouched into it while Phoenix nodded politely to the boy who was with him.

“I’m Tristan,” his friend said.

“Tristan’s on the baseball team with me,” Jake explained.

She extended her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“It’s cool to meet you, too.” He gave her a bashful smile. “Jake told me you were pretty, but...I didn’t think you’d be this pretty.”

“Dude, are you hitting on my mom ? Sit down!” Jake said with a shocked laugh.

Phoenix was slightly embarrassed but flattered at the same time. It was good to know Jacob was proud of her, at least in one respect. And she was even more grateful to Kyle, if indeed it was Kyle, for providing the jeans and blouse she was wearing. Otherwise, she’d be in the same clothes she’d worn on Saturday.

“One iced coffee, one mocha,” the barista called out, and Jake asked his friend to get their drinks.

“See? You click on this,” he told her, shifting so they could both view the screen. “Then you choose a username and put your personal information in here.”

“My real name is different enough that I’ll stick with that.”

“Okay.” He typed it for her.

“Do you set up the page the same way if it’s for a business?” she asked.

“You want one for a business, too?”

She saw that he was wearing the bracelet she’d given him. “Yeah. I have a little something going and thought a Facebook page might help.”

“I’m pretty sure it would be the same.”

Tristan returned with their coffees, but instead of getting up and heading out, Jacob continued to prompt her through the Facebook process while Tristan looked on.

A few minutes later, her personal page went live.

“We did it!” she exclaimed.

“I’ll friend you when I get home,” Jacob said.

“So will I,” Tristan piped up.

Jacob cocked an eyebrow at him. “Dude, you’re not friending my mother.”

Tristan went beet red. “Why not?” he muttered, but Jake’s attention had already shifted back to her Facebook page.

“What are you going to use as your profile pic?” he asked.

“Just a photo of some scenery I can grab off the web, I guess. I don’t have a camera.”

“That’s a problem I can fix.” He stood up and pulled out his smartphone. “Smile.”

The optimism and happiness she’d felt this morning, before her mother had quashed it, swelled inside Phoenix again. She grinned up at him, and he snapped a picture before returning to his seat.

“How’d it turn out?” she asked.

He leaned over so they could both look at it, and she breathed deep, taking in the scent of her child and wanting so badly to put her arms around him—to feel him against her just one time, since she’d never been able to hold him when he was a baby.

“It’s good,” he said, oblivious to all the chaotic thoughts and motherly desires he was rousing in her.

“That should work,” she said, and he emailed it to her so she could load it.

“Does your father work today?” she asked as they waited for the photograph to hit her in-box.

“No. He takes Sundays off, which means I’m off, too.” He rocked back and stretched out his legs. “Hallelujah!”

“You don’t like working with him?”

He shrugged. “I don’t think it’s too much fun when all my friends are out messing around. But...I like being able to do what I can do. Nobody else my age can install a water heater or frame a house or put on a roof. And giving up my Saturdays is how I saved enough to buy some wheels.” He motioned to the window, and she glanced out to see a white Jeep. It wasn’t brand-new; it had some miles on it. But he was proud, and she admired Riley for making him earn the money.

She could only imagine what the girls thought of her son and was so glad his high school experience seemed to be better than her own had been. “That’s a nice Jeep,” she said.

“Would you like me to give you a ride?” he asked.

Even at this late date, he seemed open to getting to know her. She wasn’t going to miss this opportunity. “Sure.” She closed her laptop, slid it into the backpack she’d found at her mom’s and appropriated for her own use and stood as he took out his keys.

“It’s a sweet ride,” Tristan said.