Olivia Goldsmith - The Switch

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From the bestselling author of The First Wives Club and Bestseller, a witty social satire of love, marriage, and the games men and women play with each other.Sylvie knows she has a lot to be thankful for. So what if her husband, Bob, is only interested in what she has to say ‘in four words or less’? The kids are off to college, and she is sure her marriage is about to bloom again. In fact it has already, but not with her. When Sylvie confronts Bob’s mistress, she is amazed: except for a gap of ten years and fifteen pounds, Marla could be Sylvie’s twin. But while Sylvie wants passion and romance, Marla just wants a husband of her own.And so their scheme is hatched: a nip and tuck and some blonde highlights for Sylvie, some brown hair and a few extra pounds for Marla, and the women are ready to switch places. The result as they juggle their new lives and identities is hilarious and enlightening. But just how long can they keep their charade going, and will it all end in tears?

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“Let me ask you a question,” she said. She tried to catch his eye in the rear view mirror. “Did you ever cheat on your wife?”

“Not that I can recall,” the driver said. Sylvie raised her brows.

“I think if you cheated you’d be able to recall it,” she spat.

“Maybe not if I was very, very drunk,” the driver said. “Not that I drink. Anymore. ‘Course, I’m not married anymore either.”

Sylvie directed the driver past the main entrance of the BMW lot and onto the side street off Longworth. Sylvie asked the driver, after lambasting him for most of the ride, to try and not be obvious. She got out of the car and, perhaps out of shame, he handed Sylvie her bag, obviously relieved to be rid of her. She fumbled with her purse. She wasn’t exactly sure how to tip. The ride had been awful, but so had her behavior and, after all, he had gotten her there and taken her abuse as well. She handed him the fare and fished out another two dollars. “This is for calling you a scumbag,” she told him. “I’m sorry.” She reached into her bag and took out another two dollars. “And this is for referring to you as a ‘hopeless asshole.’ I’m sure you’re not hopeless.” She paused for a moment, remembered something, then handed him a five. “And this is because you said I’m still pretty.”

The driver smiled. He was missing a bicuspid and the teeth he had didn’t seem worth keeping. “Hey, thanks, lady.” As he started to pull away, leaving Sylvie in the middle of the empty street, her mother’s car pulled up, Mildred at the wheel.

“Don’t argue. Put your suitcase in the backseat and get in,” Mildred commanded. Sylvie had last heard that tone of voice when she was in the seventh grade and, to her own surprise, she responded automatically and did exactly as her mother told her. Once in, Mildred rolled up the window and turned to her daughter. “Okay. You want to confront Bob?” Sylvie nodded her head and held up the envelope full of proof. “Foolish girl. If you have to confront someone, I say you confront the girlfriend. Throw her out of town .”

“Mom, this is not about two women fighting over a man. This is about Bob lying and making a fool of me.”

Mildred sighed, shook her head, and then laboriously managed a three-point turn. As she braked for the stop sign at Longworth, they simultaneously spotted Beautiful Baby zipping by.

“Oh my god!” Sylvie cried. “I’ll bet he’s going there. To her.”

Mildred pulled out and began to follow him. “We can’t get right behind him,” she said. “Do you know where she lives?”

“Across the bridge. Cleveland. 1411 Green Bay Road. That’s where the negligee went.”

Mildred snorted. “I bet there’s no green and I bet there’s no bay,” she said. “I think that’s the section beyond the airport. Condos,” she sniffed, as if it were a dirty word. They drove in silence for a while. Grimly, she clutched the wheel and stared ahead at Bob’s distant taillights. Mildred kept a car between her own and Beautiful Baby. As they left their Shaker Heights neighborhood, the houses got smaller and the traffic more congested. But Mildred never lost sight of Beautiful Baby.

“Hey, you’re good at this,” Sylvie marveled.

“There’s a lot of things I have experience with.” Way ahead Sylvie saw Beautiful Baby pull off the road.

“Look!” Sylvie cried. “Bob’s stopped. Does he have car trouble? Or is he having second thoughts?” They slowed down. “It’s a roadside stand. What does he want?”

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