Thomas Eidson - St. Agnes’ Stand

‘Do you have water?’

‘In the canteens. But go light, we’re going to be running hard in a few minutes.’

‘The others can’t run,’ she said.

The words seemed to crash down on him. He rolled on his side and looked at the woman as she opened the pack and pulled out one of the canteens. ‘Others?’

She stood without answering and hurried towards the cliff and a large rock. Kneeling, she disappeared into the side of the mountain. Quickly he loaded the Hawken and crawled back to the wagons. There were no Indians in sight, so he aimed at the rocks closest to the wagon and pulled the trigger. The big .54 calibre shell sent rock fragments flying. Figuring that would hold them for a while, he crawled around the rock. There was an opening in the mountain about as wide as a whisky barrel. He had seen these holes before. Twenty years earlier, prospectors had followed the road builders as they cut into the hills, searching for promising colour. When they found some, they would follow it a few feet or yards into the side of the mountain. He looked in but couldn’t see anything in the shadows.

‘Who’s in there?’

After he had waited a few seconds and gotten no answer, he drew his pistol and crawled in. The passage was cut out of sandstone and it was tight for his wide shoulders. He got stuck a couple of times, but after a few yards of crawling the passage widened some and he began to hear voices whispering ahead. Then he was in a larger vault-like cavern, fifteen by fifteen feet wide, and tall enough to stand in. A candle burned on top of a rock near the back, and he could see a black silhouette of a cross dancing against the walls; as his eyes adjusted, he began to see shapes in the room. It was refreshingly cool in the darkness.

‘Who’s in here?’ he asked again.

‘I and Sisters Elizabeth and Martha, and the children,’ the nun said from somewhere in the blackness.

‘Children? How many?’

‘Seven.’

Swanson sat without saying anything for a few minutes, feeling suddenly very tired, and listened to the grateful sounds of the children drinking in the dark. It was obvious from the small animal-like noises they made that they had been dying of thirst.

‘Seven,’ he said.

‘Seven,’ the nun repeated.

He turned and crawled back to the wagons to sort things out in his head. After the cool darkness of the cavern, the air outside felt like a furnace. He sat down against the wall of the cliff, the rocks hot through his shirt, and began to reload the Hawken. The metal of the weapon burned when he touched it. Sweat began to run into his eyes and he tied his bandana around his forehead in the Apache way.

He had come down here to save the woman, he thought, nothing more. And now he had three women and seven children to worry about. Even if he could get all ten of them out without the Apaches knowing, which he doubted, there was no way he could hide that many people, especially kids, in the hills. With just the woman and following the hard rocks, moving back through the Apaches at night instead of running from them, he might have been able to escape. But not with seven kids, crying and making noise, falling behind.

He laid the loaded Hawken down next to him and pulled his pistol. He ran an oiled rag over the weapon, his eyes scanning the space under the wagons as he worked. The Apaches were not likely to charge an armed man in the light of day, but Swanson was not one to be caught off-guard. His head was throbbing. He guessed it was the change in temperature from the cave to the outside, or the wound in his leg, which was beginning to hurt badly again. He let his mind work over the facts a while. Every way he figured it, it came out the same: he was not getting out of here with ten people. For the first time in his life Nat Swanson felt trapped. He could run, but …

What had seemed like a fool’s errand before now seemed like a desperate gamble gone terribly wrong; he could almost hear his mother’s voice warning him against leaning too hard on a broken reed. He ran his hands through his hair, listening for the sound of her in his memory. There was nothing but the wind. She remained, as always, a shadowy presence in his thoughts. Still, there were things he half-remembered, and he felt she would have done the same thing he had; she, too, would have come for the old nun. He felt a little better. But not much.

Swanson heard a noise to his right and whirled, bringing the pistol up cocked and levelled at the old woman’s head. She stared at him for a second and then walked over and returned the canteen to his pack.

‘That’s what guns do,’ she said, the words hanging in the hot air.

When she didn’t continue, Swanson asked, ‘What?’

‘They make you afraid.’ She stood and walked over to him.

Ignoring the remark, he looked up at her and said, ‘You shouldn’t stand; you’ll be killed.’

‘Perhaps,’ she answered, kneeling down beside him, a candle and a small leather purse in her hands, ‘but only if the Lord wants me to die. And I won’t die afraid.’ She smiled at him. ‘Now let me see your leg.’

‘It’s fine. It’s just a hole.’

‘Let me see your leg, please,’ she said firmly, lighting the candle with a match and sticking it in the sand. ‘From the amount of blood on your pants, it’s more than just a hole, and the children need you.’

Swanson looked into the woman’s face for a few seconds and realized she wasn’t going to let him alone; he stretched his leg out so she could see it. The wound was oozing badly. She opened the purse and took out a small knife and heated the blade in the flame of the candle. Swanson watched her thin, delicate hands as she worked. They were old hands, mottled with liver spots but steady, and it was obvious she had dressed wounds before. She was wearing a wedding ring and this surprised him. Laying the small knife down, she took a pair of scissors and cut the buckskin leggings so she could get at the wound. It wasn’t pretty. The entry hole was small enough, but the bullet had hit bone and flattened out and the wound was deep and ugly and seeping clear fluid and blood, and it was dirty. The skin around it was a festering purple colour. The woman began to reheat the blade of the knife.

‘What is your plan?’ she asked.

Swanson sat staring blindly at the bullet hole for a few seconds. ‘I don’t know.’

She seemed a little startled and then went back to heating the knife. He was thinking that if he’d known about the other nuns and the kids he might not have come at all, but he didn’t say it out loud.

She was watching him closely again. ‘You would have,’ she said after a few moments.

Swanson jumped. ‘Would have what?’

‘You were thinking you wouldn’t have helped if you’d known there were so many of us.’ She waited a second, still staring into his face. ‘You still would have.’ Her voice was matter-of-fact.

He looked into her eyes, surprised she had guessed his thoughts. Then he shrugged it off. He had never not had a choice in his entire life, even if the choice had been to die. He still had choices. He pulled his eyes away from hers and shook his head, looking out at the brilliant sunlight and the canyon. Sweat was running down his neck.

‘This will hurt. Before I start, I want to thank you for saving the children. They were dying.’

‘How long had they been without water?’

‘Two days. But it wasn’t only the water. It was the fear.’

Swanson didn’t understand. He waited for her to explain, but she was bending over the wound. ‘So what’s changed?’

‘They know God sent you to save them.’ She smiled at him.

The words seemed to slap at his face. She began to run the knife hard around the edge of the wound, leaving a thin trail of blood welting behind the sharp blade.