Haleh Esfandiari - My Prison, My Home

I rang the bell. The door was opened by remote control. A young soldier in a glass cubicle set aside the book he was reading, took down my name and other particulars, carefully noted the time of my arrival, and pressed another buzzer to open a door to my right. I hardly knew what to anticipate.

I walked into a large, windowless waiting room. It was furnished with easy chairs and a sofa. In one corner a TV was broadcasting a program on some Iranian province; unread newspapers sat on a coffee table by the sofa. A man I took to be the receptionist sat behind a desk, on a slightly raised platform facing the door. To his right, a closed door led to what turned out to be a series of interrogation rooms. I went up to the receptionist (I realized only later he, too, was a senior intelligence officer) and gave Ja’fari’s name. He was untypically polite, even standing as I walked in the room. “Why does Mr. Ja’fari want to see you?” he asked. I explained what had happened to me on the night of December 30. He listened very carefully. “Everything will be okay,” he said. “But please answer the questions they will ask you truthfully.” I nodded.

He invited me to have a seat. I chose the brown sofa closest to the exit, despite knowing that the door was locked, and that I would leave only when they decided to let me go. I recalled the Persian saying: “Your coming is in your hands, but your leaving is in the hands of God.” In my case, leaving was in the hands of the Intelligence Ministry’s agents.

The room was warm. I removed my raincoat and sat in the black robe I was wearing over my pants and T-shirt. As usual, I was early, nervous that Tehran’s chaotic traffic would make me miss my appointment. I spent a desultory half hour waiting for Ja’fari, unable to concentrate enough to read the day’s headlines. The door opened, and a woman wrapped in a chador walked in. She went straight to the receptionist and in a loud voice said, “When will you let go of my brother? You have held him long enough. I have not seen him since you took him in. What are you doing to him?” My heart sank. The building, I thought, must have its own detention facility. I had heard reports that the Intelligence Ministry, the Revolutionary Guards, the Basij paramilitary forces, and shadowy vigilante groups maintained their own detention centers all over the city.

The door opened again to let in a young man who seemed familiar with the place, as if he had been here on numerous occasions. He was soon summoned inside by a middle-aged man in a dark suit, sandals, and no tie. Through the now-open door behind the receptionist’s desk, I caught a glimpse of Ja’fari, carrying his laptop case on his shoulder, moving toward an interrogation room. My turn had come. The man behind the desk called my name, “Khanum Esfandiari”—Ms. Esfandiari—and directed me to the room Ja’fari now occupied.

I walked in through the open door and heard Ja’fari’s unmistakable voice: “ Salaam ”—Good morning. His salaam was curt, elided to one syllable. He was sitting behind a long desk; his laptop was already open before him and he was removing papers from an attaché case, which sat on the floor next to his chair. He asked me to tell him again what had happened on the night of the robbery. He had heard my account before and was probably trying to catch me in inconsistencies. Instead, I saw an opening. “I am very disturbed,” I said. “I need my passport. I want to rejoin my family.” Since I was a resident abroad, I insisted, they should be able to issue me a new passport in a few days. I also asked his help in retrieving my belongings. “The men who robbed me were rude; they threatened me. How can such a thing happen on the road to the airport?” I had by now reluctantly concluded that agents of the Intelligence Ministry had staged the “robbery.” Ja’fari’s summons had hardened my gnawing suspicion into certainty. I wanted Ja’fari to know that I suspected the truth.

Ja’fari was unmoved. “Where you live is of no importance. We don’t have first- and second-class citizens in the Islamic Republic.” The law, he noted, says an Iranian has to wait six months to replace a lost or stolen passport. “That is how long it will take.” As to my belongings, he referred me, as he had done before, to the agahi , the detective branch of the national police. I felt certain that Ja’fari and his colleagues had already combed through my belongings, dividing my clothes and knickknacks among their wives.

With the formalities over, Ja’fari began to question me in detail about my career in Iran before the revolution, including my years with Kayhan (this once relatively liberal newspaper had become the organ of the most hard-line elements in the Islamic Republic and a mouthpiece for the security services), with the Women’s Organization of Iran, and with the Shahbanou Farah Foundation.

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