Neil White - LAST RITES

Tears flashed into Laura's eyes. She took a deep breath. ‘We've been through this too many times now,’ she said, ‘and I know that nothing is dead certain in a courtroom. I'm not taking that chance.’

When I didn't respond, she added, ‘You're going to get involved, though, aren't you?’

‘I think it's worth a look.’

Laura thought about that for a few seconds, and then she stood up to go. ‘I've got to get back to work,’ she said.

‘Laura?’

‘You'll do what you want to do, Jack,’ she said wearily. ‘You always do.’

And then she went.

I saw the waiter looking at me when I turned around. He shrugged. I didn't have a response to that. Instead, I watched Laura disappear out of view, her head down, and I thought that she looked a long way from home.

Sarah was kneeling on the floor, her hands over her ears, the deep bass of the heartbeats booming out of the speakers making her dizzy, her own heartbeat keeping time. Then the speakers went quiet.

She paused for a moment, relished the silence, but when she heard the bolt slide on the door, she scuttled back against the wall.

He walked slowly into the room, the black hood silhouetted against the lights from the ceiling. For a moment, Sarah saw the gap behind him, the way out, but as he got closer all she could see was his dark shadow, the room filled with the rasping breaths emanating from under the hood.

He didn't move as he stood and looked down at her.

Sarah thought of her parents, and she felt tears choke her up. She took a deep breath, tried to swallow them away, and asked, ‘What do you want me to do?’ When he didn't respond immediately, she added, ‘I'll do what you want, if you'll just let me go.’ Her voice broke as she pleaded with him and a tear ran down her cheek.

‘Take off your clothes,’ he said, his voice deep and muffled, almost gravelly.

Sarah closed her eyes and grabbed the open neck of her shirt, pulling it tight. This was it now, the reason, what it was all about. Just close your eyes, she told herself. Don't think about it. Give him what he wants, and then get out. She started to shake, felt her chin tremble, more tears on her cheek. She took a deep breath and shook her head, tried to find some reserves of courage.

He took one step forward. Sarah took one step back.

‘Why are you doing this?’ she shouted at him.

He kept on walking towards her. Sarah stepped back again, but the wall stopped her. She could smell cigarettes on him, rolling tobacco, strong, pungent.

Sarah looked down and reached for the top button of her shirt.

‘Don't hurt me,’ she screamed, and then she began to sob, unable to stop herself. She flicked at the button, her hands trembling, and the top of her shirt fell open. It was one of Luke's shirts and it was too big for her. She flicked at the next button and felt the coldness of the room against her breasts. She was exposed to him, goose-pimples across her chest, and she could smell oil on him, and sweat.

Sarah yelped as he grabbed her chin and made her look at him. She could see only the black cloth of the hood, moving in and out faster now, his breaths deeper.

He grabbed at the next button down, his fingers rough and dry. Her cleavage was flecked with sweat despite the cold. He ran his finger between her breasts and rubbed the moisture between his fingers. It seemed almost tender, caring, and then he said softly, ‘If you don't do as I say, I'll hurt you.’

Sarah choked on a sob, and as she closed her eyes, she steeled herself, tried not to think about what she was doing.

She undid the rest of her buttons and let the shirt fall to the floor. She looked down, saw the dirt on her jeans. She undid them and let them fall to her ankles, stepping out of them so that she was naked in front of him. She felt exposed, vulnerable, so she put her arms across her chest and pressed her thighs together. Make it quick, she thought, and looked at the ceiling. Don't make it hurt. Just do it and let me go. Please.

Sarah opened her eyes when she heard movement. He was no longer there. She stepped away from the wall just as he came back into the room, except that this time he was carrying something. A hosepipe.

She was confused at first, but then she looked down and saw how dirty she was. Her skin looked mottled and cold, and her legs were soiled from when she had been trapped in the box.

She cried out as the blast of water hit her. It was icy, the stream coming at her like a punch. Sarah twisted, tried to get out of its way, but it followed her. The dirt around her feet turned into mud. She thought she heard someone else in the room, but maybe it was the water bouncing off the walls. It smacked into her chest, against her legs, her stomach. She cried out but the sound was lost in the noisy rush of water.

Then the water stopped. Sarah gasped with cold as the water dried on her body, her hair still dripping wet.

He moved towards her, his boots squelching in the mud. She didn't look up, just cried and flinched when she felt his hands on her shoulders. They felt warm and clammy against her frozen skin.

‘Why are you doing this?’ she asked, her teeth chattering with cold.

‘I do it because I like it,’ he replied. ‘Isn't that a good enough reason?’

Sarah looked at the hood, tried to guess at the face behind it. All she saw was black cloth. No features. No eye-holes.

‘That's evil,’ she said quietly, shivering.

He stepped back in fake shock. ‘Evil?’ he asked, and Sarah heard the pleasure in his voice. ‘What does that mean?’

‘You know what it means,’ she shouted, angry now, tears running down her face.

He shook his head, enjoying himself. ‘I give power to my imagination, that's all,’ he said. ‘You live your life in fear, scared of consequences. I don't. That's what makes us so different.’

‘You don't know me,’ she said.

‘Oh, I do, Sarah Goode. Better than you think. Everything has consequences, even the things that you do. Your little games, Sarah, they all mean something.’

Sarah swallowed, started to shiver again, but this time it was through fear.

‘And what if I don't want to play your games?’ she asked.

‘Then you will die,’ he said simply. He gripped her hair in his hands and whispered into her ear, ‘but I could show you a different way. No more fear, no more being held back.’

Sarah closed her eyes.

‘Will you live your life my way?’ he asked, letting go of her.

Sarah looked at the floor and nodded her head slowly. ‘I'll do whatever you want me to do.’

She screamed as the water hit her again, smacking hard against her chest and then her face. She tried to curl up, her arms wrapped around her head, but the water carried on until she could feel herself slipping in the mud.

When the water stopped, she looked up at her captor. He was standing over her, the hosepipe dripping in his hands. He stepped forward and pressed his hands onto her shoulders, turning her around. Sarah could feel his eyes on her even through the hood, examining her, as if he was searching for something. She stared at the floor, tried not to think what he might do. Once he had turned her full circle, he grabbed her face in his hands and pulled her towards him. Sarah tried to look away, but he held on to her cheeks, made her look at him.

‘What do you see?’ he asked slowly, his breath smelling stale and unclean, even through the hood.

‘I see you,’ Sarah replied.

‘Not me. What do you see ahead, for you? Your future?’

Sarah swallowed, and then closed her eyes.

‘I don't see one,’ she said quietly.

‘Have you ever wondered about the end?’ he whispered. ‘What it will be like to draw that last breath, to look into the abyss, to know that you'll know the answer soon enough, life after death, or is it just nothing?’