Lauren Weisberger - Everyone Worth Knowing

So she did what every good girl knows is completely wrong – for the reputation, the self-esteem, and the strategy of making him call the next day – and slept with him then and there, mere minutes after he leaned over to kiss her for the very first time. (‘I just couldn’t help it,’ she’d said a million times while retelling the story. ‘I couldn’t believe that Avery Wainwright was interested in me!’) But unlike all the other girls I knew who’d had sex within hours of meeting some guy and never heard from him again, Penelope and Avery proceeded to attach themselves to each other, and their engagement was little more than a much approved and applauded formality.

‘Are they being worse than usual?’

She sighed and rolled her eyes. ‘Worse than usual.’ An interesting phrase. I would’ve thought it was impossible, but yes, my mother has managed to become even more unbearable lately. Our last knock-down brawl was over whether or not you could rightfully call something a wedding dress if it wasn’t designed by Vera Wang or Carolina Herrera. I said yes. She obviously disagreed. Vehemently.’

‘Who won?’

‘I caved on that because, really, I don’t care who makes the dress as long as I like it. I figure I have to pick my battles very, very carefully, and the one I will not be compromising on is the wedding announcement.’

‘Define “wedding announcement.’’ ’

‘Don’t make me.’ She grinned and took a swig of Dr Pepper.

‘Say it.’

‘Please, Bette, this sucks enough. Don’t make me say it.’

‘C’mon, Pen. Own up. Go on, it’ll get easier after the first time. Just say it.’ I nudged her chair with my foot and leaned in to relish the information.

She covered her perfect, pale forehead with her long, thin hands and shook her head. ‘New York Times.’

‘I knew it! Will and I will be gentle, I promise. She’s not kidding around, is she?’

‘Of course she’s not!’ Penelope wailed. ‘And naturally, Avery’s mother’s dying for it also.’

‘Oh, Pen, it’s perfect! You guys make such a cute couple, and now everyone else can see it, too!’ I cackled.

‘You should hear them, Bette, it’s hideous. Both of them are already fantasizing about all those fancy private schools they can list between them. Do you know I overheard my mother on the phone the other day with the Weddings editor, saying that she’d like to include all the siblings’ schools as well? The woman told her that they won’t even discuss it until six weeks before, but that hasn’t discouraged anyone: Avery’s mom already made an appointment for the photo shoot and has all sorts of ideas about how we can pose so that our eyebrows are level, which is one of the published suggestions. The wedding is still a year away!’

‘Yes, but these things require lots of advance planning and research.’

‘That’s what they said!’ she cried.

‘What about eloping?’ But before she could answer, Aaron made a big show of knocking on my cubicle wall and waving his arms to imitate regret at breaking up our ‘little powwow,’ as he irritatingly called our lunches.

‘Don’t mean to break up your little powwow, folks,’ he said, as both Penelope and I silently mouthed the words along with him. ‘Bette, may I have a word with you?’

‘No worries, I was just leaving,’ Penelope breathed, obviously grateful for the chance to flee without talking to Aaron. ‘Bette, we’ll talk more later.’ And before I could say anything, she was gone.

‘Saaaaaaaay, Bette?’

‘Yes, Aaron?’ He sounded so much like Lumbergh from Office Space that it would have been funny had I not been on the receiving end of his ‘suggestions.’

‘Weeeeell, I was just wondering if you had a chance to read today’s quote of the day?’ He gave a loud, phlegmy cough and raised his eyebrows at me.

‘Of course, Aaron, I have it right here. “Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.” Yeah, I have to say, that one really spoke to me.’

‘It did?’ He looked pleased. ‘That was yesterday’s, but I’m glad it had such impact.’

‘Sure. It was really appropriate. I learn a lot from all of them. Why? Is something wrong?’ I asked in my most ingratiatingly concerned tone.

‘Nothing’s wrong, per se, it’s just that I couldn’t find you for nearly ten minutes before, and while that doesn’t sound like much, I’m sure to Mrs Kaufman – who was waiting on an update – it feels like an eternity.’

‘An eternity?’

‘I just don’t think that when you’re away from your desk for such long periods of time that you can adequately be providing our clients, like Mrs Kaufman, with the kind of attention we pride ourselves on here at UBS. Just a little something to think about for next time, okay?’

‘I’m really sorry. I was just picking up lunch.’

‘I know that, Bette. But I don’t have to remind you that company policy says employees shouldn’t be taking time out to pick it up. I have a whole drawer full of delivery menus if you’d care to look at them.’

I remained silent.

‘Oh, and Bette? I’m sure Penelope’s supervisor needs her just as much as I need you, so let’s try to keep those powwows to a minimum, okay?’ He flashed me the most patronizing smile imaginable, revealing thirty-seven years’ worth of splotchy, stained teeth, and I thought I’d vomit if he didn’t stop immediately. Ever since watching Girls Just Want to Have Fun for the first time when I was twelve, I’ve never been able to get Lynne Stone’s rumination out of my mind. She’s escorting Janey home after Janey skips choir practice to rehearse with Jeff (and of course gets caught by the evil, rotating-closet-owning bitch, Natalie), and she says, ‘Whenever I’m in a room with a guy, no matter who it is – a date, my dentist, anybody – I think, “If we were the last two people on earth, would I puke if he kissed me?’’ ’ Well, thanks to Lynne, I can’t help wondering it, either; the unfortunate outcome, though, is that I envisioned myself kissing Aaron and felt ill.

‘Okay? How does that sound?’ He shifted nervously from foot to foot and I wondered how this anxious, socially inept man had managed to climb at least three levels above me in the corporate hierarchy. I’d watched clients physically recoil when he went to shake their hands, and yet he glided up the ladder like it was lubricated in the very oil he used to slick back his few remaining strands of hair.

All I wanted was for him to disappear, but I made a crucial miscalculation. Rather than just agreeing and going back to my lunch, I said, ‘Are you unhappy with my performance, Aaron? I try really hard, but you always seem displeased.’

‘I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy with your performance, Bette. I think you’re doing, well, um, just fine around here. But we all seek to self-improve now, don’t we? As Winston Churchill once said—’

‘Just fine? That’s like describing someone as “interesting” or saying a date was “nice.” I work eighty-hour weeks, Aaron. I give my entire life to UBS.’ It was useless to try to highlight my dedication in an hours-worked formula since Aaron beat me by at least fifteen hours every single week, but it was true: I worked damn hard when I wasn’t shopping online, talking to Will on the phone, or sneaking out to meet Penelope for lunch.

‘Bette, don’t be so sensitive. With a little more willingness to learn and perhaps a bit more attention paid to your clients, I think you’ve got the potential to get promoted. Just keep the powwows to a minimum and really throw your heart into your work and the results will be immeasurable.’