Claudia Carroll - In A New York Minute

The Sunshine Café had clearly been named ironically, as it turned out to be absolutely anything but. This place was dingy and dark with plastic tablecloths so manky they actually stuck to your hand if you accidentally grazed them. Shame I couldn’t order anything alcoholic, I thought, when my coffee eventually arrived. At least it might have cancelled out the bacteria on the rim of the chipped mug that was unceremoniously plonked down in front of me without even the normal touristy courtesy, ‘enjoy,’ or else ‘Have a nice day.’

And Mr. ‘Johnny Corporate’ himself? Arrived a good ten minutes late, but instead of apologizing brusquely told me, ‘well, you’re a visitor to the city, so I knew waiting wouldn’t be an issue for you. It never is for tourists.’

‘Well actually, I’m technically not a visitor as such …’ I tried to say, but it was too late, he’d already whipped his phone out of his pocket to take a call. He muttered away while I eyed him up and down, the way you do on any first date.

For starters: the way he was dressed? Nothing like I’d figured. My first giveaway should have been him turning up in trainers, a hoodie and actual lycra cycling shorts – when it’s February, by the way, and the temperatures are sub-zero – like he’d just come from the gym. I’d deflated a bit when I clocked him coming in but then decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, I thought, doesn’t Mark Zuckerberg famously only ever turn up in jeans and a T-shirt to work? So who am I to judge, etc.

Anyway, my date then spent the next quarter of an hour checking his phone constantly, coming out with utter shite like, ‘you know how it is, you got to stay on top of things. In my game, you snooze, you lose.’

‘So, you said you worked on Wall. St.?’ I asked, naively thinking this whole date might yet turn around for me and that the scintillating conversation I’d hoped for would surely follow.

‘Yup.’

‘For which company?’

‘Ehh … what do you mean, company?’

‘Well, it’s just that my sister is a hedge fund manager over at Morgan Klein and she and I were wondering, that’s all.’

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