Ray Simpson - Before We Say Goodbye - Preparing for a Good Death

Cover

Title Page BEFORE WE SAY GOODBYE PRACTICAL GUIDANCE, INSPIRING STORIES AND PRAYERS TO HELP US PREPARE A GOOD DEATH Ray Simpson

Foreword FOREWORD by Jean Peart I am so grateful to God for leading me to this book, and so grateful to Ray for writing it. It was such a help and comfort to me when my dear mother was dying. The prayers in this book gave reassurance, comfort and confidence as I stayed with my mother during her last weeks to continually pray over her and, I believe, to ease her passage to heaven. My mother’s passing was so peaceful and gentle (just like a candle going out). She indeed had death without pain, death without fear, death without death. A quote that has spoken to me over the last year is this: ‘One should spend one’s life contemplating one’s deathbed.’ Even the staff at the nursing home were amazed at the wonderful passing my mother had. The peace at the time of her passing and afterwards in the nursing home was like a blanket of peace that descended over the whole place for several hours. This book is both deeply spiritual and very practical – a wonderful aid for those who care. I kept it in my handbag for a month, and sat with it in my hand through the last days with my mother. May God bless and keep all who use this book. Jean Peart The Open Gate The Holy Island of Lindisfarne

Introduction

The Things They Say about Dying

PART ONE

Befriend Death When You Are Young

There’s a Time to Give and a Time to go

The Secret of Life is the Secret of Death

Death Puts Life in Perspective

When Faced, Death Builds Valour

The Ache Inside Us

Make Death your Anam Cara

Start Now

Picture Death

Master the Fear of Death

The Faces of Death

See Eternity in a Grain of Sand

Live Life as a Journey

Start With Life’s Little Deaths

Practise Going to Sleep

Practise Making Transitions

Practise Being on your Deathbed

Practise Praying

Get to Know your body

Move with Life’s Rhythms

Come Through Rough Passages

Red, White and Blue Deaths

Reach for the Edges

Review your Life

Be Present to the Dying

Enjoy the Communion of Saints

Encounter Angels

Transformations

Be Prepared!

PART TWO

Grow Before You Go

Live Simply

Do it Now!

Fulfil your Destiny

Listen to your Soul Thoughts

Face Pain

Know your Life Story

Share your Life Story

Live Out of your Vulnerability

Speak Out your Anguish

Engage with the Stages of Life

Be a Pilgrim

Accumulate Timeless Treasure

Does Death Rob Life of its Meaning?

Become free to Move on

PART THREE

Go Prepared

What Will you Leave Behind?

Don’t Leave a Muddle

Make a Will

Apply the Golden Rule to your Descendants

Express your Feelings of Loss

Acknowledge the Stages of Grief

Be Real

Free the Trapped Spirit

Release Compassion

Listen to your Dreams

At the First Glimpse of Death’s Approach

The Healing Power of Acceptance

Prepare to Leave

Plan the Funeral

Celebrate a Life

When would you Like to be Remembered?

‘Honour Me, Don’t Humour Me’

How to Say What we Want to Say

Dear Grace, When I am Dying…

Saying our Goodbyes

Parting Gifts

Epitaphs

A Way to Meditate at Death

Fun on the Way out

Last Wishes

Final Words

Farewell Blessings

Anointed for Burial

Choose your Time to go

Early Exit or Encore?

On the Day Death Knocks at the Door

PART FOUR

Create a Good ‘Departure Lounge’

Draw up Your ‘Departure Lounge’ Guidelines

Anything to Declare?

Forgiveness Parlour

Music

Prayers

Angels

Songs

Poets’ Corner

Bible Readings

Things to Look at

Something to Hold

Diaries, Albums and Videos

A Private Place

Liturgy for the Great Passage

PART FIVE

The Other Side

The Long Jump

Gone Where?

Life is Just Beginning

When the Saints go Marching in

The Place of Resurrection

A Veil thin as Gossamer

The Morning After

Out of the Body Experiences

Life after Life

What is the other World Like?

What Happens after Death?

Images of Heaven

The Eternal Struggle of Love

The Voyage to the other Side

PART SIX

Inspiring Deaths

Jesus (D. 33)

Ignatius (D. 107)

Columba (D. 597)

Moninne (D. C . 518)

Aidan (D. 651)

Cuthbert (D. 687) and Ramon (D. 2000)

Hilda (D. 680)

Caedmon (D. 680)

A Boy (D. C . 690)

Bede (D. 735)

Mum (D. 1971)

Colin

A Dancer (D. PRE-1994)

Norma (D. 1991)

Nigel (D. 1993)

The ‘Sweet Pea’ (D. 1999)

A Blessing for Death

References

Some Helpful Books

Pull-out Forms

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

Praise

Copyright

About the Publisher

by Jean Peart

I am so grateful to God for leading me to this book, and so grateful to Ray for writing it. It was such a help and comfort to me when my dear mother was dying. The prayers in this book gave reassurance, comfort and confidence as I stayed with my mother during her last weeks to continually pray over her and, I believe, to ease her passage to heaven.

My mother’s passing was so peaceful and gentle (just like a candle going out). She indeed had death without pain, death without fear, death without death. A quote that has spoken to me over the last year is this: ‘One should spend one’s life contemplating one’s deathbed.’ Even the staff at the nursing home were amazed at the wonderful passing my mother had. The peace at the time of her passing and afterwards in the nursing home was like a blanket of peace that descended over the whole place for several hours.

This book is both deeply spiritual and very practical – a wonderful aid for those who care. I kept it in my handbag for a month, and sat with it in my hand through the last days with my mother.

May God bless and keep all who use this book.

Jean Peart

The Open Gate

The Holy Island of Lindisfarne

Life is a journey from the womb to the tomb.

There are things to learn that make the journey, even at its end, worthwhile.

To live well requires us to die well.

If we are to die well, we need to prepare for it.

We are all dying. Some of us die sooner than others.

The best time to start to prepare for death is when we are young.

Please don’t die without having lived.

Please don’t depart without having said truly satisfying goodbyes.

The airliner went into a nose dive. A maniac had attacked the pilot and broken the autopilot. Every passenger was convinced they were plunging to certain death. Lady Anabel Goldsmith was on that plane. In seats behind her were her son Zak, her daughter Jemima Khan, and her grandchildren. A myriad things she would have liked to have said and done before they parted this life flashed through her mind, but it seemed too late now. She had time to utter only one word to them: ‘Goodbye.’ By some miracle the plane, only seconds from disaster, was saved. Lady Anabel was given a second chance to get things right before she said goodbye.