Ray Simpson - Before We Say Goodbye - Preparing for a Good Death

This book offers us a chance to get things right before we say goodbye. It may be our only chance. Although we can run away from almost anything in life, we cannot run away from death. So much has been written about how to cope with other people’s deaths. So little has been written about preparing for our own death. Those books that have been written are not the sort you would hold in your hand, or keep in your heart, when you are too weak to take in new information. This simple, practical guide comes from one heart to another. It calls us to live and to die well, to be good stewards of our short time on earth.

There are as many ways of dying as there are people. This little book will help you to plan your final journey, your farewells, your funeral and your will in a way that will uniquely bless you and those around you. Some are too fearful or thoughtless to do this. This book will help you to do it gently, in small doses.

Dying itself is a journey. We cannot halt it, but we may influence the spirit in which we make it. We can learn from enlightened people who have made glorious exits. We can learn from practitioners who have studied the cycles of dying. We can learn from the caring insights of the hospice movement. And now that hospital and funeral services are business oriented, we can be part of a citizens’ movement to take back responsibility for our own and our loved ones’ departures.

To die well is the chief part of virtue.

GREEK PROVERB

A good death does honour to a whole life.

ITALIAN PROVERB

It is a great art to die well, and to be learned by those in health.

JEREMY TAYLOR, The Rule and Exercises of Holy Dying , 1651

Death can cause a human being to become what he or she was called to become; it can be, in the fullest sense of the word, an accomplishment.

FRANCOIS MITTERAND

Death, so far from being cruel, is an act of love rounding off our brief testing here.

ELIZABETH MYERS

It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil.

JONATHAN SWIFT

Lord, grant that my last hour may be my best hour.

OLD ENGLISH PRAYER

If you would endure life, be prepared for death.

SIGMUND FREUD

Prepare for your death.

ST COLUMBA

When we are dead, and people weep for us and grieve, let it be because we touched their lives with beauty and simplicity.

JACOB P. RUDIN

Is there not a certain satisfaction in the fact that natural limits are set to the life of the individual, so that at the conclusion it may appear as a work of art?

ALBERT EINSTEIN

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

Dying is like being stuck in a traffic jam.

There is a crown for those who endure.

ANON

Blessed be God for our sister, the death of the body.

ST FRANCIS OF ASSISI

Death is the great adventure beside which moon landings and space trips pale into insignificance.

JOSEPH BAYLY

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Mortal loss is an Immortal gain.

The ruins of time builds Mansions in Eternity.

WILLIAM BLAKE

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What’s brave, what’s noble,Let’s do it after the high Roman fashion,And make death proud to take us.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE,

Antony and Cleopatra , ACT IV, SCENE 16

For everything there is a season,and a time for every matter under heaven:a time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up…a time to seek, and a time to lose.

ECCLESIASTES 3:1,2,6 NRSV

The advice that most shaped me as a young man was this: Do not waste your life on empty pleasures or burn out prematurely for some great idea; let your life be like a candle, which gives of itself consistently until, when it has given all it has, it flickers out.

I want to give the best that I have at every stage of life. In order to give my best, I must also learn to receive from others at every level of my being. When I have given all that I have to give, and received all that I have to receive, I will flicker out in a glow of fulfilment.

Of course, none of us will achieve this 100 per cent, but it is good to aim for it. We will learn through trial and error. Life affords us opportunities to learn from our mistakes and, whatever our failings, to increase our levels of giving and receiving.

If we live like this, dying can feel like fulfilment rather than theft.

To live and die well – this is surely the supreme aim. I used to think that I might do one, or neither, but certainly not both. Now I know that the secret of one is also the secret of the other.

A professional rugby player told me that the secret of being a successful player is to go all out, to keep your eye on the ball, and not to hold back through fear of injury or failure.

Some people go all out in life, but they mess it up because they do not keep their eye on the ball – they lose sight of the end of life. Others hold back because they fear they will get hurt or fail.

I used to hold back because I feared I might lose my security or status. A counsellor advised me to visualize the worst scenario that could happen to me. I did so. Then he challenged me to face that worst scenario. I did so. Having faced it, I became willing to go through with it. Even though the worst scenario did not occur, facing it set me free to live fully in any scenario.

It is like that with life. Death stalks us as an unconscious paralyser, even when we are young. If we face this worst scenario of death now, it frees us to live at our maximum throughout our lives.

If we live fully, we shall die fulfilled.

If we are champions in life, we shall be champions in death.

You may think you can get away with anything, that nothing can touch you, not even death. This ability to get away with things may seem to be your pride and glory.

The truth is, you will have to submit to death as surely as seed, once it is fully grown as wheat, is cut down and ground into flour.ECHOING ISAIAH 28

The prophet Isaiah believed God was speaking along these lines to ‘successful’ people who never gave a thought to anything or anyone else.

It is better to sow seeds of wheat rather than wild oats now, so that these will bring a good harvest in the future. Only so will the harvest of our lives be a good experience.

What you sow, you reap. What you give out, you receive back.

Living our life in the light of eternity gives us perspective. It sorts out our priorities.

A parent whose baby died said this: ‘Our baby’s death made me realize how thin and fragile are the surface things of life which we rely upon. Our baby’s death made me less tolerant of arrogance. It made me value respect.’

A daring hit-and-run robber named Moses, who had killed people in pursuit of his crimes, reformed his life and lived as a hermit in the desert. He became a soul friend to young people, who joined him in the desert.