Then I drive it until the wheels fall off. Literally. Or sand gets into something important and the engine seizes up. Whichever comes first, really. I like numbers, but numbers have not always been my friend. Not always. We had a disagreement. Early on. We got over it. It may have taken a reversing caravan to resolve the problem, but I cannot be sure. Numbers are beautiful and complex and do not always tell the truth even though you think they should. Numbers are not as straightforward as they seem. They have the capacity to lie and deceive and betray and confuse. That’s why I work in statistics. I like numbers. We get on okay now. Most of the time anyway. At the time, I was working for a company called Compass Applied Analytics. Their offices were on the first floor of a recently redeveloped building that once housed an industrial-scale launderette. They were called Super Efficient Laundry Services. You could still see where their name had been painted over on the wall outside. They had a logo, too. It was hard to make out, but I always thought that it looked like a pair of sprinting underpants. My job was to compile sophisticated market research data for product evaluation and assessment. I specialised in low-fat snack bars for the health-conscious sector. I didn’t eat them myself. I am health-conscious though. Not always. Sometimes. I prefer chocolate.
2 years ago (too)
2 years ago (still)
the marriage report
clarity
wasps
something about squirrels
G.I.T.S.
handbags
blue
sand
N
boots
oversight
name
kissed
distance of paper
more sofa
half
dreams
sorry
rainbow
tortoise
view
64.726%
same
5 things about washing machines
free coffee
agreement
more sand
NE
date night
special friend
title
volume one
praise for Galbraith’s Boot
drawn
5 things about the garden
music question
Lazy Mo
blueberry
reminder
coincidence
5 things about Jack
yes
new arrivals
trumps
start
party
tired
date night again
5 things about Grace
7 letters to Grace
E
37 words
sandwich
roses
royalty
28 minutes
finished
calibrating
brushstrokes
late
promises
5 things about Matt’s mother
hard to tell
impulsive
top bunk
where Matt was
spoilage
a ‘friend’
in-flight
south and a little west
strangers
SE
path
closer
closer still
gift
doors
tablecloth
true
output
68%
ex
couch surfing
5 things about Katherine
list
cluck
olives
3rd
layers
silence
S
walls
map
home
petunias
lucky
snoring
company
wonderful
5 things about my father
old flame
art school
bijou
view
colour
overlap
pie
blip
perspective
transformation
twit
SW
extortion
4lb 11oz
Juniper
5 things about the Norths
£1,000
important
rivers
unexpected
matches
cook
paintbrush
turning
more twit
lobster
W
witch
5 things about Abigail North
falling
awry
can’t
defined
5 things about Owen
the proposal
Ruth Pennywheal’s reply
drawer
5 things about my mother
October
tide
blub
swim
him
deep end
reservations
whisk
decision
glass
NW
cake
found
lost again
wish
broken
truth
when
eventually
mistake
soon
score
delirious
toast
not Katherine
perfect
tick tick tick
5 things about Daniel’s father
sore feet
seal
more cake
family
gloves
resilient
always
5 things that changed
tie
the Matilda Eastleigh Compatibility Index
maybe ten
merit
dark road
nice
imagine
jazz
waiting
tap water
extra
next?
lawnmower
opening
fault
errands
undone
wanted
the Matilda Eastleigh Compatibility Index
folly
ice cream
couldn’t
sketches
wheelbarrow
‘Rooks Wood to Coldbank Ruins’
3 miles
full circle
Acknowledgements
About the Author
About HarperImpulse
About the Publisher
Numbers are a poor measure of love.
Millicent Fenwick
Mathematician 1970-
Violet North could not walk far. She had a pleasing enough disposition and an inquiring mind, but she had lost the use of her legs as a child. Polio was the cause. She was now twenty-six years of age and not expected to marry. She had other complications from her childhood illness that meant she seldom left her home without the help of company. As she was not often seen outside, there were precious few who she could call upon for such assistance.
Her family had lately abandoned her in a house with several staircases and a large garden in the hope that she would fall and die as quickly and conveniently as possible. They had told her as much when they left. She had been a burden to them for long enough. Violet could not walk far, but she was twenty-six and had her own house with a large garden and decided to be as inconvenient as possible. She did a grand job.
Violet North had many interests beyond the confines of the front parlour in the summer and the study in the winter. She sent off for maps and globes of the world and invited those she knew to send her postcards from the places they had been. It did not matter where. Places that she would never see fascinated her. She read travelogues and the biographies of great explorers. For her, climbing the stairs to the third floor was an exhausting expedition, fraught with unknown dangers.
A photograph of the nearest railway station, no more than three miles away, was a particular delight to her. She knew she would never see it in person. Even if she could somehow surmount all the difficulties of getting there alone, how could she buy a ticket? She had no destination. Violet knew no one she could visit by train.
To occupy her inquiring mind and her passion for places that would forever be a mystery to her, she invented an explorer and a place for them to explore and wrote about their adventures on a Royal Quiet Deluxe typewriter that she borrowed from a neighbour. It was turquoise blue, and the ‘e’ often stuck.
The place that she invented looked very much like love.
I have seen it.
Violet North was my grandmother. And yes, that is where the journey to this started. Right there.
‘Where do you think we went wrong?’ Matt said.
‘10.37am, April 22nd,’ I said.
‘Oh,’ he said.
He put his glass down on the table and stared absently out of the window. A dog was barking at a paper bag somersaulting down the January street. I felt responsible. Not for the paper bag or the barking dog. I felt responsible because the absence that we both felt was my fault.
Sometimes people don’t want simple answers. Most of the time, in fact. They say they do, but they don’t. Not really. My soon-to-be ex-husband didn’t. Not like that. Not right then. I could see him trying to compute the information. He was struggling. It was all too clinical. Too precise.
10.37am. The exact moment when our marriage fell apart. Or started to. Or finally shattered into a million unrecognisable pieces. He wanted something else. Something vague and meaningless.
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