Kimberley Chambers - The Schemer

With the washing-up out of the way, Pam flopped down in the armchair opposite Cathy.

‘Shall I open that bottle of wine now?’ Cathy asked, hopefully.

‘No! We can’t keep drinking the bloody stuff, Cath. We’ll have problems before you know it and we’ll have to join that Alcoholic’s Anonymous group. We should just drink it on a Saturday night like we used to, or the odd special occasion.’

Cathy chuckled. Pam could be such an old fuddy-duddy at times. ‘We’re hardly bleedin’ alkies are we? There’s only a couple of poxy glasses each in a bottle. Anyway, it is a special occasion. It would have been my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary today.’

Pam looked at her pal in amazement. ‘But you hated your old man, Cath.’

‘Yeah, I know. Still a bloody special occasion though, ain’t it?’

Pam burst out laughing. Sometimes she didn’t know what she would do without having Cath to lighten up her day. ‘Go on then, you pisshead.’

‘Pot calling kettle,’ Cathy joked.

Suddenly remembering her youngest daughter was up in her bedroom with a boy for the very first time, Pam leapt out of the chair. ‘I’d better go up and check on ’em. They’re a bit quiet up there, ain’t they?’

‘Stop worrying and sit back down. The top forty’s just started and you know how your girls are addicted to listening to them bleedin’ charts. You can guarantee Angie is making that poor boy listen to the rundown like she’s made me and you listen to the shit in the past. She’s only thirteen, Pam.’

‘You reckon that’s all they’re doing, then?’ Pam asked, feeling relieved.

Cathy grinned. ‘Of course it is.’

With the top-forty chart on in the background, Angela released Jason’s big, hard penis from the zip of his jeans and, without warning, shoved it inside her mouth.

‘Oh, Ange. That feels great, but say your mum comes up?’ Jason panted. He had only ever slept with one girl in the past and receiving a blow job was a completely new pleasure for him.

Flicking her tongue over the top of Jason’s penis like Jacko had taught her to do, Angela opened her eyes, glanced at the look of ecstasy on her boyfriend’s face, and sat up.

‘Don’t stop,’ Jason groaned.

Smirking, Angela stood up, wedged her dressing-table chair under the door so that her mum couldn’t get into the room, took her knickers off and lay on the bed. ‘Fuck me,’ she urged Jason.

‘I can’t! I ain’t got no johnnies and it don’t feel right with your mum sitting downstairs.’

‘You don’t need johnnies if you pull it out at the right time, and don’t worry about my mum, she couldn’t get in here even if she tried.’

With his hormones unable to look such a gift horse in the mouth, Jason held his penis in his right hand and rammed it inside Angela as hard as he could.

Stephanie said goodbye to Tammy outside the school gates then, hand in hand, walked home with Barry. Some of the other kids would snigger or make snide remarks over their obvious affection for each other, but Steph and Barry were in their own little bubble and really didn’t care what people said.

‘So, why weren’t Jacko at school today? Do you think he’s still hung-over from yesterday?’ Steph asked her boyfriend.

‘Nah. He told me he weren’t coming in. He’s gone to visit his old man in prison. Wait there, while I use this phone box. I’m gonna ring one of me dad’s mates. I wanna find out if he’s been sentenced yet.’

Stephanie stared at Barry through the glass panels on the big red door. She couldn’t work out by the expression on his face whether the news he was being told was good or bad. ‘Well?’ she asked, as he finally opened the door.

‘Four years he got.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry, Bal,’ Stephanie said, putting her arms around her boyfriend to give him a comforting hug.

‘It ain’t as bad as it sounds. He’ll be out in two if he behaves himself. I used to really like living with him though, Steph. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I moved to Dagenham else I would never have met you, but I hate living with me muvver and sister. They both treat me like I’m their slave. Me sister used to be all right years ago but, since she’s been with her bloke, she’s got even worse.’

‘Surely the council should give your sister a place now she’s pregnant? My mum reckons a lot of these young girls get pregnant on purpose these days, just so they can jump the housing queue,’ Stephanie said.

‘They ain’t allowed to give her a place until she’s sixteen, I don’t think. Her birthday’s the beginning of December, so hopefully she’ll move out then. Oh shit, me muvver’s home already,’ Barry said as they turned the corner.

Stephanie immediately let go of Barry’s hand as she spotted Marlene. She was wearing a short mauve skintight Lycra dress and had a big straw hat on her head. Her sandals were white and they had the biggest stiletto heel on them that Steph had ever seen.

‘Barry!’ Marlene exclaimed, opening her arms and running towards her son.

‘I’d better get indoors,’ Steph said, bluntly. She didn’t want to face the wrath of her mother if she was caught talking to Marlene.

‘I’ll knock for you later,’ Barry said understandingly, as his mum stumbled towards him in her high heels and fell into his arms.

‘Gissa cuddle. I ain’t ’arf missed you, boy. Me and Jake had a wonderful time. We bought you back some bottled sangria and I got you two hundred fags. That girl you were walking along with ain’t your bit of fluff, is she? Can’t stand her fat fucker of a mother. She always looks down her nose at me,’ Marlene said as she clocked where Steph went.

Barry stared at his mother in utter disbelief. He could never remember her cuddling him before, not even when he was a small child – and her saying she had missed him, that was a first as well. As for her buying him presents, she never treated him to sod all and had even forgotten his birthday for the past two years running. Ignoring Marlene’s question about Stephanie, Barry stared her straight in the eyes. ‘I ain’t no div, Mum. Something’s going on, so best you tell me what. Are you getting married? Are you pregnant? Just spit it out, I’m a big boy now.’

Marlene burst out laughing. She hated children, didn’t even like the two she’d given birth to very much. ‘Don’t be so silly. I’d rather sew me fanny up than have any more kids. Got enough on me plate with you and your bleedin’ sister, ain’t I? Where is Chantelle, by the way?’

‘Out with Ajay somewhere. So, are you getting married or what?’

Marlene linked arms with her only son. ‘No, it’s much more exciting than that. Let’s go and open that sangria. We’ll discuss it indoors.’

Pam and Cathy were stuck to the living-room window like two tubes of superglue.

‘Will yous two come away from that window. I don’t want Barry to see you spying on him. It’s embarrassing,’ Stephanie said, annoyed.

Pam watched Marlene tottering up the path in her ridiculously high heels, then turned to face Steph. ‘I really don’t think it’s a good idea that Barry comes over here now his mum’s home, love. You can still see him and that, but don’t bring him indoors and don’t you dare go over there.’

Stephanie looked at her mother in total dismay. ‘But why not? Barry enjoys coming over here. What am I meant to say to him, Mum?’

Pam shrugged. Barry had done nothing wrong, but there was no way he was stepping foot over her threshold now his mother was back home. Say Marlene saw him and came and knocked on the door? Or, even worse, say she expected an invite herself?

‘Please don’t stop Barry from coming round, Mum,’ Stephanie begged.