Girls’ Association - Your Daughter

YOUR DAUGHTER

The Girls’ Schools Association

Contents

Cover

Title Page YOUR DAUGHTER The Girls’ Schools Association

Introduction Introduction Sugar and spice and all things nice, or moods, malice and meanness? Bringing up a daughter in the twenty-first century can be a lonely and daunting prospect. But whether you are consoling a 6-year-old who has fallen out with her best friend, or discussing the debatable merits of body piercing with a truculent teen, help is now at hand from the specialists. The heads and staff of around 200 leading girls’ schools in the UK have come together in a unique collaboration to share their combined insights and wisdom on everything about educating and raising girls. Hundreds of thousands of girls passing through their care each year means there’s not much these experts don’t know about dealing with girls – and there’s certainly nothing your daughter might do that would surprise them! Your Daughter offers you the best advice from the popular MyDaughter website (www.MyDaughter.co.uk). So whether or not you send your daughter to a girls’ school, Your Daughter gives you access to a wealth of practical information and advice based on real experience from trusted professionals. Watching and guiding your daughter as she blossoms into a young woman with her own opinions, thoughts and moral code can be both terrifying and exciting. Your Daughter aims to help you along the way. For the latest advice and information visit www.MyDaughter.co.uk. Sheila Cooper Executive Director Girls’ Schools Association

Chapter 1 – Relationships

Chapter 2 – Growing Up

Chapter 3 – Educating

Appendix 1 – Girls’ Schools Association member schools

Appendix 2 – Additional Contributors

Reading list

Index

Copyright

About the Publisher

‘As the largest non-formal, educational organisation for girls and young women in the UK we know a thing or two about girls and this book certainly reflects our insight into the huge range of influences and emotions affecting today’s girls. Your Daughter is a great resource for adults to understand the different and sometimes difficult paths that young women have to navigate as they grow up.’

Denise King, Chief Executive of Girlguiding UK

‘ Your Daughter is comprehensive but easy to read, and a genuinely useful look at the wonderful, but complex reality of raising a daughter.’

Sarah Ebner, Editor, The Times School Gate

‘I have two daughters and bringing up girls today can sometimes be hard work. This book has great advice and is very reassuring.’

Alex Curran

‘This is exactly the sort of parenting book that offers useful and practical advice to anyone with daughters – and I’ve got three! The authors are experts in helping to raise girls and they pass on loads of tips that I’m sure you will find useful whether your daughter is a toddler or a teenager.’

Jamie Oliver

‘The two most influential women in my life are my Mum and my former Headmistress. This book is full of advice and information from people like them who have loads of experience and wisdom, and really understand girls and the challenges they face in today’s modern world.’

Claire Young (former Apprentice finalist)

Introduction

Sugar and spice and all things nice, or moods, malice and meanness? Bringing up a daughter in the twenty-first century can be a lonely and daunting prospect. But whether you are consoling a 6-year-old who has fallen out with her best friend, or discussing the debatable merits of body piercing with a truculent teen, help is now at hand from the specialists.

The heads and staff of around 200 leading girls’ schools in the UK have come together in a unique collaboration to share their combined insights and wisdom on everything about educating and raising girls. Hundreds of thousands of girls passing through their care each year means there’s not much these experts don’t know about dealing with girls – and there’s certainly nothing your daughter might do that would surprise them!

Your Daughter offers you the best advice from the popular MyDaughter website (www.MyDaughter.co.uk). So whether or not you send your daughter to a girls’ school, Your Daughter gives you access to a wealth of practical information and advice based on real experience from trusted professionals.

Watching and guiding your daughter as she blossoms into a young woman with her own opinions, thoughts and moral code can be both terrifying and exciting. Your Daughter aims to help you along the way. For the latest advice and information visit www.MyDaughter.co.uk.

Sheila Cooper

Executive Director

Girls’ Schools Association

Chapter 1

Relationships

Families raise children but they are not the only source of influence or support. Particularly for girls, friends are crucial to happiness and sense of self-worth. Your daughter will be totally reliant on you in her early years. Together with her extended family, be they aunts, uncles and grandparents or step-families, you will nurture, guide and support her. She will find her friends in her neighbour-hood and her school, through her hobbies and interests. A warm, loving network is the foundation on which your daughter will grow and by which she will be shaped. She will take her role models from those closest to her as she grows until she begins to look wider afield. The overwhelming majority of girls say that their mothers are their most influential role models. This is a great tribute but with it comes a huge responsibility – to set the best possible example, to guide and direct, to communicate and explain. As she matures your daughter will also be greatly influenced by her teachers and, above all, by her peers. The media will also have an effect, one which you will probably want to moderate by discussing with her those aspects which you consider admirable . . . and those you don’t. It will not always be plain sailing. Everyone has to deal with disappointment and loss, with failure and heartache. At these times your daughter will rely on her relationships, with you and with others, to help her cope and to help her understand.

Family Relationships

The relationship between parents and their daughters can either be one of great stress and anguish throughout your daughter’s teenage years or it can be one of growing respect and developing friendship, as you both move from the parent-child relationship to the more sophisticated relationship of parent-adult. Watching your daughter blossoming into a young adult, who has her own feelings, thoughts, actions and values, is both daunting and exciting to a parent, but it is important to let her fly and to trust her. At the core of all relationships, especially the parent/daughter one, is open and honest communication. It is crucial to keep the channels of communication open at all times with the aim of developing a long term relationship based on mutual trust.

The importance of family

Girls’ relationships are typically far more complex than those of boys. In general, girls:

• talk more, and unconsciously pass all their thoughts through a powerful emotional filter

• are usually more emotionally manipulative than boys, and have advanced negotiating skills with their parents

• are likely to be ultra-sensitive to any personal comment, particularly during adolescence when their self-confidence can falter

All these factors can converge to make them outstanding managers as adults, but they can also lead to strain within the family relationships as girls grow up.

Your daughter needs to have an individual relationship with each of her parents, or parent-substitutes, whether she normally lives with these individuals or not. If you are an absent parent, use chatty emails or texts; the subtext here is that you still love her unconditionally, despite physical separation. If you live at home with your daughter, you can develop a good relationship with her by ensuring you have regular time just the two of you for relaxed conversation – for example, while doing the washing-up after supper one to one.