Michelle Betham - Striker

‘Any sign of it getting serious?’

‘Jesus, no!’ Amber said, almost choking on her lager. ‘Far from it! But it’s good to be having some fun, y’know? Without the burden of commitment.’

‘Yeah. I can see that,’ Ronnie smiled, reaching out to squeeze her hand. ‘Maybe we’re all wrong about him, huh? Because he certainly seems to be making you the happiest I’ve seen you in a long time.’

‘Well, I can’t deny I like being with him. He’s proving to be a very reliable stress-buster.’

‘What have you got to be stressed about?’ Ronnie asked, frowning slightly.

Amber took another swig of lager, looking away for a second, which was a mistake. Because Jim Allen chose that exact moment to walk into the Players’ Lounge, his hands in the pockets of his dark suit, that smile lighting up his handsome face as he stopped to talk to people. It wasn’t a usual occurrence to see the manager of the home team in the Players’ Lounge so soon before kick-off, and just the sight of him made Amber suddenly feel quite anxious.

‘Nothing,’ Amber replied, turning back to face Ronnie. ‘I’ve got nothing to be stressed about.’ She slid down from her stool, straightening her top before kissing Ronnie quickly on the cheek. ‘I’ve just got to nip to the loo. I’ll see you up in the executive box in a bit, okay?’

‘Yeah. Okay.’

She almost ran out of the Lounge, hoping that Jim hadn’t noticed her, her heart beating like a jackhammer because she really couldn’t face talking to him. Not now. Not today.

‘Amber! Amber, wait…’

She stopped walking and leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes and sighing heavily. ‘What do you want, Jim?’

‘Come to my office. Please. I just want to talk to you.’

She looked at her watch, tapping the face as her eyes met his. ‘You are aware of the time, aren’t you?’

‘Colin’s got everything under control. Please, Amber. Five minutes, that’s all.’

‘What do we need to talk about, Jim? You’re back, and I’ve just got to deal with that. We don’t need to talk about anything.’

He reached out and gently ran his thumb over her cheek, and as he did so his eyes never wavered from hers, his stare almost mesmerising, bringing with it a hundred and one memories that Amber had tried so hard to keep hidden. ‘I think we do.’

She threw her head back, sighing again, pushing a hand through her dark red hair. ‘Five minutes. That’s all.’

Amber could feel her anxiety levels rising as they walked the short distance downstairs to Jim’s office. She shouldn’t be doing this. She really shouldn’t be doing this. The manager’s office was directly opposite the home team’s dressing room, the tiniest of spaces separating the two rooms, and it was just too close for comfort in Amber’s eyes. She should have been strong enough to say no to him. She should have been strong enough to turn around and walk away, but she’d never been strong enough to say no to Jim Allen. And that was what scared her the most. From a distance she could cope, but when he was this close to her she didn’t know if it was going to be that easy.

Closing the door behind them, Jim took off his jacket and flung it over the back of the chair behind his desk, sticking his hands in his pockets again. He walked round to the front of his desk, leaning back against it, looking straight at Amber. ‘You seem nervous.’

‘Of course I’m nervous. I’m alone in a room with you, and I’m not entirely sure how I let that happen.’

‘I’m not going to hurt you.’

‘Not in the physical sense of the word, no,’ Amber said quietly, still all too aware that Ryan was just metres away in the dressing room opposite. She could hear the players’ voices; she could hear the noise, the hum of all that pre-match chatter, and it didn’t make her feel comfortable.

‘Amber, please. I really want you to…’

‘Trust you? Is that what you were going to say?’

He pushed a hand through his dark, grey-flecked hair, looking down at the ground. ‘I don’t think you’re ever going to trust me again, are you?’

‘Too damn right I’m not.’ She backed away towards the door, almost as if placing herself there meant she could make her escape that much faster. ‘Twice, Jim. I trusted you twice, and both times you threw it back in my face.’ She looked right at him. ‘So how can you ever expect me to trust you again?’

He looked down at the floor. ‘I can’t.’

‘No. You can’t.’

He walked over to her and Amber made no attempt to move, even though a huge part of her was screaming back off, get out of there ! She was doing everything she’d promised herself she’d never do again. She was letting Jim back in, letting him wield that power over her that only he could inflict. And all of a sudden she was that sixteen-year-old girl again, looking up into the eyes of a man who should have known better. A man who was about to take over her entire life, just as he had done all those years ago.

‘If I could walk away, Amber, I would. Believe me.’

‘That’s bullshit, Jim. Of course you can walk away.’

‘Can you ?’ He reached out and touched her face, stroking her cheek with his fingertips, so lightly it made Amber catch her breath, his green eyes staring deep into her soul, or that’s what it felt like. ‘Why do you think I’ve never managed to hold down a real, solid relationship for all these years, Amber? I’m forty-eight years old and I’ve never been married, never even been engaged, never let anyone get that close to me, so why is that, huh?’

‘Because nobody can trust you, Jim. You take people’s feelings, scrunch them up into a tiny ball and then you throw them aside as though they never mattered to you in the first place.’

‘Is that what you really think?’

‘You’ve never given me any cause to think otherwise.’

She could feel her heart pounding as his fingers slid down over her neck, her shoulder, running lightly over her arm until his hand slipped into hers. He was holding her hand, and it felt just like it had done all those years ago – it felt magical, almost. They’d shared this big secret, the two of them, and it was a secret that seemed destined to continue. Despite everything Amber had promised herself.

‘I would have done anything for you, Jim,’ she whispered, staring up into his eyes. ‘Anything. But the one thing I didn’t do is the one thing I should have done – I should have told people what happened between us because, if I had, then this wouldn’t be happening now. You wouldn’t have had the chance to come near me again, my dad would’ve seen to that.’

‘So why didn’t you?’ Jim asked, watching as Amber slipped her hand out of his, walking away from him.

‘I was scared.’ She swung back round to face him. ‘I slept with you when I was just sixteen, Jim. I’d been sixteen years old for just a few days when I let that happen, because I wanted you so much, and to know that you wanted me, too – you have no idea how that made me feel. But if my dad ever found out… How do you think he’d react, huh? Even after all this time, do you really think he’d just shrug it off because it happened all those years ago? If it was your daughter…?’

Jim ran a hand through his hair, walking over to her as she leaned back against his desk. ‘He’d hate me. Of course he would. But nobody needs to know what happened back then. Nobody got hurt…’

‘Nobody got hurt ?’ Amber gasped. ‘ I got hurt, Jim. Me . You hurt me .’

‘I know, baby,’ he whispered, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. ‘I know. And I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. But all that matters is what’s happening now. You and me. We could be so good together.’