Michelle Betham - Striker

That was when she’d thrown herself into her work, deciding to carve out a career in sports reporting rather than having fun and finding love. She’d already found love, and look where that had got her. She couldn’t go through that again. It was then that Amber had made her decision never to become involved with footballers ever again. Despite what she’d told Ronnie, despite what she’d told anyone else, that decision had never really been about the Ryan Fishers of this world. She could handle them – the arrogant, cocksure bastards who thought everything revolved around them. They were just little boys who earned far too much money and lived their lives in some kind of fantasy bubble. They weren’t a problem; she could deal with them. No, everything was Jim Allen’s fault. Everything. He was the reason she was a cold-hearted ice-queen. He was the reason she’d never had a decent relationship with any man for all these years. He was the reason she was shaken up and confused. He was the reason.

He’d seen out his professional playing days at Newcastle Red Star, and following his retirement he’d finally left the North East with his soap-star girlfriend to move down south and start his managerial career, giving Amber the distance she’d needed all over again. And he’d promised her, he’d told her that was it. If she didn’t want him to come back up north then he wouldn’t. He’d leave her in peace, let her move on with her life and, despite everything, that’s what she’d done. She’d moved on. But now he was back. Back in the North East, back in her life. Back to break her heart all over again?

‘You were never in love with me, Jim. Never.’

He shook his head, his eyes following the movement of his fingers as they traced the curve of her breasts, and Amber was unable to stop a small gasp of pleasure from escaping, even though she’d tried to do so by biting down on her lip.

‘You have no idea, Amber…’ He gave that low laugh again, his eyes back on hers. ‘You used to bite down on your lip when we made love, do you remember?’ His arm snaked around her waist, his hand sliding down to rest in the small of her back, his mouth moving closer to hers as he spoke. ‘I can still see it now. Your eyes would always be open because you liked to look at me, didn’t you? You liked to look at me when I pushed inside you. But you’d always bite down on that bottom lip of yours. Always.’

‘Please don’t do this,’ Amber whispered, afraid of what she might do now, afraid of what might happen because she hadn’t even thought about the consequences Jim Allen’s arrival back on Tyneside might have. She’d known she was going to have to face him again, but she hadn’t even thought about what could – what would – happen when she did. Thirty-seven years old and, even though she’d tried so hard to believe that she wasn’t, she was still as naive as that sixteen-year-old girl who’d believed every promise this man had broken. ‘Please.’

‘I didn’t just come back for this job, Amber.’

‘No.’ She shook her head again, silent tears now streaming down her cheeks, and as he leaned forward and brushed his lips over those tears, gently kissing them away, she felt her heart break into a million tiny pieces. ‘Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that.’

‘I’m a free agent, Amber. No ties, nothing holding me back. And I don’t believe for one second that this ridiculous relationship you have with Ryan Fisher is anything but a front…’

‘You don’t know anything,’ Amber said quietly, quickly brushing away fresh tears with the back of her hand. ‘Ryan… he’s not what everybody thinks he is. He’s changed.’

‘Are you really still that naive, Amber? Ryan Fisher doesn’t care about you, he never will. You’re the older woman, the novelty he hasn’t yet had a chance to try out. Believe me, honey, when he’s finished with you he’ll just toss you aside and move onto the next new toy.’

‘Like you did, you mean?’

Jim looked at her, right into her pale blue eyes that were still shining with tears yet, at the same time, were steely and cold. ‘I came back for you , Amber.’

‘No, you didn’t, Jim. Jesus, will you stop playing me again? This isn’t fair, you’re not being fair…’

‘I saw you with him, and it hurt. Okay? He’s a boy, Amber. A boy. And he’ll never love you, not like I can. Never.’

‘Who says I want love? After what you did to me why would I want to leave myself open to that kind of hurt again? Huh? Why would I want to do that? I’m having fun, Jim. For all those years I threw myself into my work as a way of forgetting you and what you did to me; I became obsessed with my career, with being the best at what I did, and in turn that made me into this cold, almost bitter person who trusted no one and let nobody past the barriers I had to put up. Because of what you did. So now I’m having fun, okay? I’m not in this to find love, or to find that perfect man, because he doesn’t exist. I’m just having fun.’

He pulled her against him, his hand still resting firmly in the small of her back, his mouth almost touching hers as he spoke, the smell of his aftershave overwhelming because it was the same aftershave he’d worn when they’d been together. Both times. He smelt the same, he felt the same; he sounded the same. But everything was so different.

‘I didn’t come back here purely for this job,’ he whispered. ‘Believe that.’

‘I don’t have to believe anything where you’re concerned, Jim.’

He smiled, a smile that sent Amber’s heart racing so fast she could almost feel the blood rushing through her veins, making her feel dizzy and slightly disorientated. ‘My baby girl,’ he whispered, gently stroking her hair. ‘My beautiful baby girl.’

Amber had lost all control now. He was too close, he was far too close and she couldn’t stop him, couldn’t stop it from happening. Before she’d even had a chance to realise what was going on, his mouth was touching hers in a kiss that sent her heart racing even faster, a kiss so beautiful, so full of memories that it made her cry all over again, hot, fresh tears soaking his skin as well as hers. But she couldn’t pull away; she didn’t want to. Not at first, anyway. His mouth was soft against hers, moving slowly as he kissed her long and deep, his hand resting on her damp cheek as she held him close – this man who’d hurt her so badly. This man who’d walked back into her life as though nothing had happened.

But then reality kicked in. All the memories of the pain and the tears, the nights she’d lain in bed crying her heart out, falling to pieces because she’d loved him so much, the humiliation enough to make sure she’d never, ever told a soul about what had happened between them. All that hurt came flooding back like a tidal wave, crashing over her with a force so overwhelming it was as if someone had just turned on a light and all of a sudden she could see exactly what was going on.

Pulling away from him, she pushed him backwards, with a much harder force this time, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she looked him right in the eye. ‘You don’t get to do this to me a third time, Jim. You don’t get to do that.’

And with that she walked away from him, back inside, back to the life she’d been trying to get on with before he’d walked back into it.

‘Everything okay?’ Ryan asked as she joined him at the bar.

She looked at him. ‘Have you been here all night?’

‘Who are you? My mother?’

‘Fuck you, Ryan. I’m not in the mood.’ She started to walk away from him, tired and desperate to forget this night had ever happened. But he wasn’t letting her get away that easily.