Amanda Brooke - Where I Found You

But the memory was bittersweet, a reminder of all that she had had and all that she had lost. Maggie had always come across as confident and self-assured, but it was her mum who had instilled that sense of self-belief and without her guiding presence Maggie was losing her way. Of all the challenges she had faced in her life, having a baby would be the greatest test of all and one she couldn’t get wrong. It wasn’t only her life she was responsible for now.

Frightened by the future, Maggie retreated further into the past and disconnected from the world around her. There were so many memories to dip into … The park was where her mum had taught her how to explore the world through touch and smell and Maggie recalled the scents from those lost seasons one by one.

The sun dipped behind a cloud and a cool breeze swirled around her, carrying with it the distinctive smell of lilac perfume. It was vaguely familiar but Maggie resisted being pulled back to the present, stretching out her hand across the bench in a desperate attempt to hold on to the tenuous connection to her mum but her fingers touched the heavy material of a woollen coat giving Maggie a start and snapping her out of her reverie.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,’ the woman next to her said.

Elsa couldn’t resist the chance to sit in the sunshine and chase away the chill that had crept into her bones. She wasn’t going to be put off by the children’s raucous laughter or the woman and her dog, who seemed to be claiming the park bench as their own. It was her bench too.

She had offered a friendly smile as she approached but the woman, whose eyes were hidden behind dark glasses, seemed to be in a world of her own so Elsa sat down next to her without a word. She breathed in the scent of the lilacs that came from the soap at Mrs Jackson’s house. Elsa wasn’t particularly keen on it but she didn’t want to offend Aunt Flo, as she insisted on being called. The old lady had taken her under her wing and seemed to genuinely care for her new charge.

But despite Aunt Flo’s fussing, Elsa was feeling more lost and alone than ever and it was as these feelings plagued her that the stranger sitting next to her had reached out her hand. They had both jumped in fright.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,’ Elsa offered.

The woman, who looked only a little older than Elsa, gave her an apologetic smile. ‘No, I’m sorry. I was miles away.’

‘It’s a lovely spot here, don’t you think? A good place to sit back and …’ she said but then couldn’t think how to explain it.

‘Let the world go by?’

‘Take the weight off your feet,’ Elsa added. She was watching the way the woman had placed her hand protectively over her stomach. Elsa groaned as she stretched and let her own bump protrude, hoping the woman might take the hint, but she simply smiled.

‘I’m Maggie, by the way. I don’t think we’ve met before, have we?’

‘I haven’t been in Sedgefield long. My name’s Elsa.’ Her voice sounded hoarse so she cleared her throat before adding, ‘And who’s this cutie?’

Harvey padded towards Elsa’s outstretched arm as Maggie said, ‘This is my sidekick, Harvey.’

The dog shook himself as his new friend tickled his back. ‘I like your fancy jacket, Harvey.’

‘Harvey’s my guide dog. I’m visually impaired,’ Maggie explained.

Elsa gasped in awe. ‘You’re blind?’

Maggie gave a soft laugh. ‘Yes and I’d be lost without him. Literally.’

‘I’ve heard about dogs being trained to help soldiers who’ve lost their sight but I’ve never seen one before.’

‘Really?’

‘Well, I don’t think so,’ Elsa said suddenly doubting herself. ‘I’m from Liverpool so I suppose there must be a few there.’

‘Have you moved here for good or are you just passing through?’

Elsa flinched at the idea of returning home, though she knew she would one day. ‘I’m not staying forever,’ she said and began to rub her stomach in perfect synchronicity with her new friend. ‘I’m pregnant too, by the way.’

A look of confusion flashed across the woman’s face and her hand stilled.

‘You are pregnant, aren’t you?’ Elsa asked, horrified that she might have got it wrong.

Maggie’s reply faltered as she said, ‘Yes, yes I am. I suppose now you’re wondering how on earth a blind woman can have a baby.’ The comment was light-hearted but there was something in her voice that was more of a challenge.

‘Why not? You don’t need eyes to find your way to a man’s heart,’ Elsa whispered mischievously.

Maggie laughed. ‘No, I don’t suppose you do. And I’m sorry if I sounded a bit defensive. I really should stop assuming people will immediately judge me.’

Elsa glanced at the wedding band on her finger. ‘I’m the last person to judge anyone,’ she said, her words catching in her throat.

‘Is something wrong?’

Elsa didn’t dare answer.

‘It’s all a bit frightening, don’t you think?’ Maggie said to fill the lengthening silence.

Elsa looked out over the glassy surface of the lake. ‘Too frightening, sometimes,’ she agreed.

‘Want to talk about it?’

Elsa shook her head vigorously. The story of how she was recently widowed was a well-rehearsed one but she couldn’t bear to tell one more person how the love of her life had been taken from her: it would break her heart. ‘I’m supposed to tell you that my husband died and I’m staying with Aunt Flo until I’ve had the baby.’

‘But …’

‘I can’t say.’ Elsa put her hand to her mouth to hold back the confession that was ready to tumble over her lips.

‘My mum always said there was something special about this bench,’ Maggie said, after another lengthy pause. ‘Now you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but me and this old bench are good listeners and neither of us will tell a soul.’

‘I’ve wanted to tell someone for so long,’ Elsa said. ‘You promise you won’t tell?’

‘I promise.’

She let her hand drop to her side and her fingers followed the gentle curve of the wooden slats beneath her as she steadied herself. ‘Aunt Flo isn’t my aunt, she’s not even a distant relative and there is no husband, dead or otherwise. The only grain of truth in the story is that I am pregnant, five months by my reckoning.’

‘These things happen, but it’s not exactly unheard of. If you don’t mind me asking, Elsa, how old are you?’

‘Twenty-two.’

A frown creased Maggie’s brow. ‘That’s still very young,’ she said hesitantly. ‘Don’t you have any family to support you?’

‘Oh, my parents would kill me if they found out. Dad kept telling me if I didn’t curb my wild streak, it’d end in tears, and Mum made it clear that if I got in trouble she would rather see me on the street than bring shame on us all. It would destroy them if they found out. Only my sister Celia knows.’

‘So what will you do when the baby’s born? Surely your parents will come around once they see their new grandchild.’

Elsa would have laughed if the hope that was being dangled in front of her wasn’t so impossibly beyond her reach. ‘They won’t,’ she said stoically. ‘And there’s no way I can manage on my own so I’ll go back to Liverpool and the baby will go to a respectable family.’

‘Is that what you want?’

Elsa pulled her coat around her tightly as she imagined her newborn baby being wrenched from her arms. ‘What I want is Freddie. I want him to ride into Sedgefield on his motorbike and rescue us both,’ Elsa said. ‘But that’s a silly dream, isn’t it? Freddie doesn’t even know I’m here. Or why.’

‘You won’t tell him?’

‘He’s an American serviceman. We met at a dance while he was stationed at the Burtonwood airbase.’