Rik Mayall - Bigger than Hitler – Better than Christ

I think I did a bit of a fib today Lord because I felt obliged to tell Mr Townsend that Gretisson had some what are called “gentleman’s publications” if I can use such disgusting words in front of you dear Lord. Sure enough, when Mr Townsend went to Gretisson’s locker he found some. And thankfully, Gretisson has been suspended for this outrage. Of course this action means that I will now have a much better chance of getting the part of Othello in the school play. So if I might ask for forgiveness from you dear Lord for any advantage I may have got by telling Mr Townsend this but, in its own way, it was a selfless act Lord meaning that the part of Othello will be performed so much better by me and bring more joy to the audience which is my motorvation. All I care for is my fellow humans on yours and my planet. That is why I stitched Gretisson up and used my superior intelligence to take care of matters. He will thank me in later life. Thou and I both know that oh Lord. It is good that I know how equal everybody is aren’t I. If only the people in the government were not more like me. I have got nothing against Harold Wilson, I mean I know he doesn’t comb his hair very well and his pipe smoking is a bit common but he does his best. Maybe one day I could be Prime Minister. It is up to you dear Lord.

Thank you for making me milk monitor this term. As you probably already know, this is a very important position which I am going to take very seriously and I told everyone in the class that we should not drink all the milk and save it up and send it to the people who are starving in poor countries. But Redfern got some other boys together and they punched and kicked me after double maths. I knew that this was a test oh Lord and I took the test and I didn’t cry and I remembered all of their names when I reported them to the Headmaster. I had almost all of them beaten and three of them were put in detention. A job well done. I have got three boys expelled and two boys, including Gretisson, suspended since the start of term. I trust I am doing what is required of I.

I hope you are keeping well.

Fondest wishes,

Richard Mayall.

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