Jane Lark - I Found You

“What you wore last night. I put your stuff in the washer-drier. Did you not think to check?”

“God, you’re so domesticated,” she mocked as she stood.

I held her gaze for a moment, that oddly deceptive green, and then turned to collect her stuff from the machine. “We can walk down to Fulton Street.”

When I turned back, she was behind me.

I held her clothes out.

Her blonde hair hung thin and straight. It was the definition of her cheekbones, her large eyes and broad lips that made her beautiful. Lindy was pretty too, but Rachel Shears’ beauty was haunting. Her image had hung in my head all day, in a way Lindy’s never did.

I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to reach out and grip her nape and bring her mouth to mine. I didn’t. I shouldn’t even be thinking about doing it. Maybe it was a good thing Lindy was coming for Christmas. Maybe I’d just missed her, and things would be okay when she came.

“Go get ready. Borrow a sweater from the shelf in my cupboard, in fact take two, I’d layer. It’s freezing out there still.”

Rachel took her clothes from my hand and her lips twisted sideways in a mocking smile, then she said, “You sound so like a mom,” just before she disappeared.

I could be hurt by her teasing, but I wasn’t. I had thick skin.

My conscience pricking, I crossed the room, pulled my cell phone out of my coat, and then brought up my contacts. Lindy. I pressed my thumb on her number and called. “Hi.”

“You’re calling early.”

“I’m not going to run tonight, but I’m going out, I thought I’d call before I left.”

“Going out where, Jason? You haven’t still got that girl there have you?”

“Yep.”

“Jason! And I suppose you can’t talk ‘cause she’s listening.”

“Yeah.” I didn’t doubt Rachel could hear me in the other room; she’d heard last night.

“Where are you going?”

“Taking her to buy something to wear. She’s only got the clothes I found her in, and––”

“And you’re paying. She’s ripping you off. I told you last night. You’re too gullible. You shouldn’t let people take advantage.”

“I’m just helping her out.”

“Yeah right, like she’d help you back if you needed. She’s a stranger you picked up on the street. You––”

“Look Lindy, you weren’t there last night, and you aren’t here now. You can’t judge. You don’t know her.” But I didn’t know her either.

At that moment Rachel came back into the room, pulling on a sweater. She made a face at me. I made a face back. She actually laughed. That shocked me.

“Is that her? Just watch out, Jason. I wish I was there. If I was, I’d stop her taking you for a ride.”

“That isn’t what’s happening, Lindy.”

“Yeah, right.” Lindy’s voice had turned caustic. She could be catty as hell when she wished. A bitch at times. I’d only recently discovered the truth in that. Now I wasn’t certain if it was me Lindy loved or the life she’d thought I could give her. She’d always had a competitive, aggressive edge, but since I’d told her I was moving to New York, her aggressive edge had turned on me.

She hadn’t liked me leaving Oregon. She didn’t want to live in New York. Yet we were meant to be getting married next year. I think she still hoped I’d grow out of my big city ideas.

Perhaps I would, New York hadn’t been what I’d imagined yet, but the thought of going back home and admitting I’d been wrong, and other people were right, well, that would be tough. I didn’t want to fit in the box everyone had labeled for me.

“I’ll call you again later, when I get back. Okay? Bye.”

“Alright… I love you.” The response was terse.

“And me you.”

We said it every night but I wasn’t sure it was true anymore, for her or me. I was getting the impression that unless I fitted in my box back home, she didn’t want me. And if she didn’t want me for who I was, I didn’t want her.

When she came to visit, in a few weeks, I had a feeling we’d exchange some strong words. They’d either make or break us. But the idea of not having Lindy was a little scary. Lindy was all I’d known.

My gaze caught on Rachel’s again and I realized she’d been busy analyzing my expression.

“Did she accuse me of wanting to jump you again?”

“No, just ripping me off.”

“You don’t have to take me shopping.”

“I do, you’ve got nothing but the clothes you’re standing in, and they don’t even include underwear.”

“You noticed…” She laughed, again, and her voice seemed lighter, and her eyes were definitely more expressive, they seemed bright, burning with as many unasked questions as my mind longed to ask her. She didn’t speak though. And surely her laugh should have sounded awkward and nervous, but it didn’t.

She shut up who she was as tight as tight and yet lacked any inhibition over what she did. She was an odd girl. I didn’t get her, she wasn’t like anyone I knew back home. “You needn’t worry, I’m not asking why.”

“I never thought you would, it would be an ungentlemanly question. And you’re far too much the gentleman for that.”

“Yeah, right. You’re mocking again.”

“Actually, no, I’m counting my blessings. You ready?”

“Yep. You?”

“Yep.”

“Right then.” I reached for my scarf, but instead of wrapping it about my neck, I wrapped it about hers, then grabbed my coat as I offered, “You can have my gloves and hat, too, if you like. I’ll manage without.”

I got them out my coat pocket and held them out to her.

“See, such a gentleman.” She mocked me again as she took them from my hand, flashing me another rare smile. The first smile had seemed merely muscles moving in her face but now there was a glimpse of it in her eyes, showing genuine appreciation. I knew the difference. Lindy had used to smile tons when we were at school, she’d laughed all the time, but in the last year any smile she’d given me was forced.

I cast all the trash in my head aside and lifted a hand. “Come on then Rachel Shears, let’s get you fitted out.”

His fingers touched my shoulder as I went out the door. It made me jump. They fell away. But I hadn’t jumped because I didn’t like it. I just wasn’t used to being touched in anything beyond a sexual way.

He was silent in the elevator, watching the closed doors. I sensed a lot going on in his head. But I felt a lot going on in mine too; my mood was shifting, I could feel it like pressure trapped inside a capped bottle of fizzy drink, waiting for a point to explode.

“What did you do at work today?” I asked him, to secure the other one hundred irrelevant questions my brain was suddenly bursting to ask.

His brown eyes looked at me and into me all at once, asking his own unspoken questions. But he answered, hesitantly. “It was all a little manic.”

“Did the office politics piss you off?”

“The office politics always piss me off, but they weren’t so bad today. People were too busy betting on whether or not the girl I’d found would’ve left with all my stuff when I got home.”

“You told them about me?” I didn’t know what to think. I’d spent over a year with Declan who’d hidden me away most of the time; unless it suited him to play some trick and show me off, for business meetings, or to flaunt before his wife.

I hated admitting it, but what I’d disliked most were the periods he left me alone. I could never take being ignored and here was a stranger telling everyone I existed.

“You don’t mind me talking about you? I just thought if everyone knew. If you needed to call me…”

The elevator doors opened.

I glanced at him as we walked out. “I couldn’t have called, you never gave me your number and I don’t have a cell phone.”