Jane Lark - I Need You

Lindy screamed, trying to rush backwards, but stumbling, just as I felt the ocean dragging the sand out from beneath my feet, sucking it away as the wave headed back out.

With my shoes gripped in one hand, I only had the other to save her. I caught her arm but she’d lost balance. She went down, tumbling into the water as it pulled away, dragging the wet sand from all around her, pulling it down the beach and out toward the ocean.

She laughed and grabbed my arm, then pulled on me to get up. But I was off-balance too, as the sand got dragged out from under my feet…

“Shit.”

I landed on my hip, on the far side of her, my legs all tangled up with hers as the water swilled away, leaving us there like a couple of fish flapping on the sand.

She still laughed, her head on the ground, her hair in the sand. It was a laugh-or-cry moment for her. I was glad she’d chosen laughter. I hadn’t heard her laugh for months.

As much as we’d used to shout at each other in college we’d used to laugh a lot too. We always used to piss Jason off when we’d be arguing one minute and then laughing the next. This was us. This was how we were.

The girl was meant for me.

Why the fuck had she never been able to see it?

She needed my fire, like I needed hers.

She looked at me, her head turning as she stopped laughing.

I smiled when her blue eyes looked right into me and my fingers stroked her sticky, salty, damp hair from her forehead. “Two weeks, Lind. Promise me? Two weeks to mourn him, then let him go, and go back and make a life for yourself without him.” I didn’t expect her to pick me instead. We’d travelled that road and it hadn’t worked out…

If she was ever gonna be into me, she’d have known it by now. But I was into her and I couldn’t bear to see her hurting. It had to end, and if I could do nothing else for her, then I’d get her over it and help her start again.

But fuck, it was going to hurt me once she’d pulled herself together and moved on to someone else.

I sat up. “Damned sneaker waves!”

“If that was a sneaker it was a wimp…” She laughed as she sat up too.

“I’m not on about that one…” There was another one coming in, a huge one.

“Ahh,” she screamed, but she laughed as she struggled to get up.

It rolled in at a fast pace, foaming and frothing, we were on our feet, but it crashed into us, coming up to my waist.

I caught her up off her feet, gripping her in one arm, and stepping off the shifting sand as it tried to drag us with it, while holding my sneakers up above the water.

When the wave swept back out, I got us away from the water and set her on her feet.

“Oh my God.” Her laughter turned to horror as she caught her breath, looking at me, her shoes lifting to point at me. “You look a mess––”

“So do you.” I lifted one brow at her.

“Oh my God, my hair…” Her hand touched it. “We better go back.”

Our jeans clung like a second skin and the white sleeveless tee Lindy had on beneath her open sweater had me swallowing. Every contour of her stomach and chest was visible through the translucent cotton, as well as the pale-pink lacy bra her nipples showed through. She’d be freezing when the shock wore off.

Shit. I looked up, then laughed. Her hair was matted with salt and sand, and stuck to her head in rats’ tails.

Her shoes hit my shoulder. “Don’t laugh at me!”

I still laughed. “Come on. You need a shower. You’re all sandy.”

“You douche,” she said as she turned away.

Lindy

“Two weeks to mourn him, then let him go, and go back and make a life for yourself.”

I sighed, Billy was right. I knew that.

I let the water run over my head as I rinsed my hair under the shower.

Forget him.

I wish I could.

I wish my heart wasn’t empty. I wish my soul didn’t feel like I was dead and in Hell. I longed to let Jason go, because then maybe I could feel like a whole person again, not like someone with an arm cut off. Not like discarded trash.

But forgetting Jason was hard when I hurt so much and I’d needed someone. He was meant to be here. To help me.

My tears mingled with the water from the shower. I’d cried every day for months. I wanted to stop crying. But how could I get over him? How could I work out what to do without him?

We lived in a small town. I walked past his shop all the time and saw the girl he’d dumped me for with him, standing where I used to. A constant reminder that I wasn’t good enough.

Leaning back against the tiles, I let the tears come and the water wash them away. Then I slid down to the floor, sitting with my knees bent, my hands gripping in my hair, as hurt roared through me.

Why was life so unfair? Why did all this have to happen to us? Why had Jason let me down when I’d needed him?

I needed him…

I wish someone would take this pain away.

That was why I’d taken the pills. Because the pain in my head was too much.

But that had been unfair––selfish and mean. I hadn’t been thinking properly.

Mom .

I was a coward. She wasn’t. She was brave and I loved her so much.

My cell rang. I’d heard a couple of texts arrive earlier.

I didn’t know how long I’d been in the shower.

Whoever was calling hung up.

But a moment later my cell started ringing again.

I got up, not hurrying, and turned off the shower. By the time I’d wrapped a towel around me, to hide my body so I didn’t have to see it in the mirror as I passed it, my cell rang for the fourth time. I caught up another towel and wrapped it around my hair.

Something thumped the door of my room. I’d guess the side of Billy’s fist.

“Lindy! Are you in there! Answer! You’re scaring the fuck out of me! How long does it take to have a fricking shower! Lind! Lind! Are you okay?”

I hurried across the apartment and shouted through the door, “I’m just putting on my makeup, give me a minute.”

“I’ll wait!”

I hurried back into the bathroom, unzipped my makeup purse and began applying foundation.

“Lind, come on!” Billy shouted after a while.

I stroked the mascara brush up my eyelashes one last time.

“Lind!” He bashed the door again as I pulled out my lip gloss.

“Wait!” My hand shook as I painted the lipgloss on.

When I opened the door he was just about to bash it again, and the side of his fist came flying at me, I fell back, leaning out of the way. Instead of hitting me, his hand grabbed my arm.

“You okay?” His eyes and his voice were loaded with concern.

He smelt good. He had on a clean white tee, that stretched tight across his chest, hugging all his muscular contours.

Billy always looked good, even on the beach earlier, when he’d been covered in sand and salt.

“Lind, I thought… I’m not saying what I thought…” I knew what he’d thought; he didn’t have to say it. He’d thought I’d taken an overdose.

“I was just having a shower.”

My new guilt complex poked a finger in my ribs. We were good friends. I’d loved him like a brother for years, and I guess he felt the same about me. I lifted up onto my toes and hugged him. The guy had taken two weeks off to bring me here, and paid, and planned it all. Tears slipped out.

Billy stood outside my room, so technically I was in the hall, in a towel sobbing, with my arms wrapped around his neck.

He lifted me up, like I was nothing. His massive biceps like bars around me, and carried me into the room three paces before shutting the door with his heel.

He put me down then, his big hands bracing my head, and then he kissed my temple. It was a protective gesture. I’d scared him.