Jessie Keane: Jail Bird

She crossed the road and started walking back along the rows of houses toward Becks’s place when a long black car pulled in to the kerb. A man jumped out of the back, grabbed her arm, and yanked her off-balance.

‘Hey!’ she yelled, but her feet went from under her and she was half carried, half pulled into the car. She found herself lying across the back seat with a man on either side of her. Fear shot through her like a hot knife through butter.

Oh shit, she thought, Freddy King.

‘What the…?’ she gasped out.

One of the men, a huge bruiser, lifted a thick finger and pointed it at her. She remembered Freddy, outside the prison, pointing his finger at her like a gun. Yeah, this was Freddy’s work all right. ‘Shut up,’ he said.

Lily shut up. The car zoomed off. She was trapped. She was finished, even before she had properly begun.

There were four of them in the car, and she thought they were just going to drive her somewhere, hurt her, then finish her off. She could hear her heart beating like a trapped animal’s, she was so scared. Her bowels felt liquid, her stomach was churning into knots. Oh God. She didn’t know how she was going to get through this.

How you get through everything, she thought. Alone.

Her eyes filled with tears; it was weak but she couldn’t help it. She really was alone. Completely alone. Her friend had abandoned her. Her daughters, her lovely girls, had rejected her. She would never, ever forget the expressions on their faces when they’d seen her at the church. Hatred. Fear. Loathing. It was more than any mother could take.

And now, this. The end of it all. She was terrified, but she was also sort of relieved. It would be over. All the suffering. All that time she’d done, and all for nothing. All for someone else’s crime. Now she was tired, and so alone. She didn’t mind dying; but she hoped they didn’t hurt her too much first.

She thought they would. She saw it again, Freddy King outside Askham, aiming his finger at her, mouthing the words: You won’t see it coming.

And guess what? She hadn’t. He’d got that right.

The light was going as the car crunched onto gravel and skidded to a halt. Sudden silence descended. Into Lily’s mind came Saz’s face, filled with hate and horror. She screwed her eyes tight shut, held back the tears. She’d wanted so much to make things right, and now she wouldn’t get the chance. That stung her, hurt her bad. Her lovely girls. Lost to her forever.

They flung open the car doors and she was manhandled out onto the drive of a big house. She noticed nothing else about it, only that it was big. She was nearly shitting herself with fear now. Why had they brought her to a house? Why hadn’t they just driven her off into the forest, topped her there?

She was bundled into a hallway; big again, huge – maybe Victorian, she hadn’t a clue. Terror was freezing her brain like dry ice. Then into a room with an empty fireplace – it was summer, too hot for fires – but a nice room. Sofas in it, the smell of polish in the air. She was shoved down onto one of the sofas.

‘Wait there,’ said one of the faces.

Jesus, the King boys are going to drag this out, she thought numbly. They’re going to get their money’s worth out of this.

The men left the room. She sat there, swallowing hard, trying not to succumb to total hysteria. She glanced over at the long closed curtains. Perhaps there were French doors there, an escape route?

The inner door opened.

‘It’s locked,’ said a low, masculine voice. ‘All the windows are locked. In case you were wondering.’

Lily turned her head.

Nick O’Rourke stood there, leaning casually back against the door, a big and threatening presence with his dark hair gleaming in the subdued light of the room, watching her steadily with his nearly black eyes, his gaze very intense. He still wore the black morning coat he’d been wearing at the church, but he’d removed his tie and opened his shirt collar.

Lily braced herself. She hadn’t known Nick was in tight with Freddy and Si. He’d been best man, best friend and business associate to Leo, but his relationship with Leo’s brothers had – she thought – never been anything other than cool. Obviously she thought wrong.

‘What the hell…?’ she said weakly.

‘What the hell is right, Lily.’ Nick O’Rourke walked forward and flopped down into an armchair. ‘Like, what the hell are you playing at?’

He stretched out his long legs and his calf brushed against hers. She flinched back as if burnt.

‘I don’t know what you’re on about,’ she said. She looked at the inner door, knowing that any minute now the heavies were going to come back in and start working her over. New alliances had been made, alliances she knew nothing about. Ignorance wasn’t bliss at all. It was going to be the death of her.

Just get on with it then, she thought. Let’s have it done.

‘What I’m on about is this,’ he said, and his voice sounded strained, as if he was making an effort to control his temper. ‘Are you stark, staring mad?’

Oh, so first he wanted an apology for something. ‘You mean, turning up at Saz’s wedding today?’ she asked, having to cough to get the words out, her throat was so parched from fear. ‘Okay. I admit it. It was a stupid thing to do. All right?’

‘Stupid?’ The dark, dark eyes widened as he stared at her. ‘Oh, no Lily.’ He gave a bark of laughter, but he didn’t sound at all amused. ‘You’ve gone way beyond that point on the road. You passed stupid right back at the last fucking roundabout. Now you’re driving through mad. What the hell were you thinking?’

Lily swallowed hard, blinked back more panicky tears.

‘I wanted…’ she gulped. ‘…I just wanted to see them. Saz getting married, how could I miss that?’

He was shaking his head, his eyes moving over her. Lily cringed, very aware of what she looked like: mud-spattered, crumpled, tear-stained; a complete and utter wreck.

‘And look at the fucking state of you,’ he said in irritation.

As if that’s going to matter now, she thought.

‘I just…had to be there,’ she said lamely.

‘No, Lily, you didn’t. Si was there. Freddy was there. You didn’t have to be there at all, are you totally insane? Do you for one single minute think that your daughters wanted to see you there today? Do you think they behaved as if they were glad to see you? I suppose that silly cow Becks told you about it?’

Lily shrugged. She wasn’t going to drop Becks in it; she couldn’t grass up a mate – even if Becks had made it clear to her that she wasn’t welcome any more. That wasn’t her fault, anyway. Becks was just frightened, and she was right to be frightened: her and Joe didn’t want trouble with the Kings.

‘Yeah, I bet it was,’ he went on. He looked exasperated. ‘Fuck it, Lily, how long you been out?’

‘Yesterday. I got out yesterday,’ said Lily.

‘And today you’ve upset the whole bloody applecart. Jesus, that must be some sort of record.’

Lily swallowed hard. All right. She knew she’d messed up. But she’d been desperate, couldn’t he see that?

‘They’re my girls,’ she said, and her voice was a little fiercer, a bit stronger.

‘They. Don’t. Want. To. Know. You,’ he said with brutal emphasis.

‘ No… ’ Lily shook her head, denying it, blanking it out even though she knew he was right.

‘ Yes, Lily. It’s the damned truth. How would you feel, if your father’s murderer pitched up at your wedding?’