Annie Groves - Only a Mother Knows

‘You can’t go out there yet!’ His eyes were a mixture of distress and apology. ‘The all-clear hasn’t yet sounded. I promise I won’t do anything, please don’t go,’ he pleaded. ‘It’s not safe.’

Dulcie edged back into the shelter without saying a word. What a way to remember something that should be forever in your mind as the beautiful first time. Slowly she edged towards the wooden bench and resigned herself to the fact that whether she liked it or not she and Reece were stranded together for the duration. And as she listened to the crump and boom of the battle beyond the air-raid shelter Dulcie likened it to the conflict going on inside her now, and she knew that as soon as the air raid was over she would be out of here so fast, he would never see her again.

‘You’re very quiet today, Drew, is there something wrong?’ Tilly asked.

Drew shook his head and smiled but Tilly wasn’t convinced; they were so in love, with an almost uncanny perception of each other’s moods, that she couldn’t help noticing when something was bothering him, even when he didn’t appear to be outwardly worrying. But try as she might she couldn’t get him to tell her what was wrong. She decided to leave it for now and change the subject, as she didn’t want Drew to feel she was pressurising him into telling her something he wished to keep to himself. No matter how much she longed to know.

‘It isn’t looking good for our boys in the desert, is it, Drew?’

‘No, Tilly, it isn’t,’ he replied, watching her make little knots in the long grass she had plucked from the lawn on which they were spending their last evening together. Even though Tilly didn’t yet know this. His heart ached with love for her. But he couldn’t voice the news that his mother was critically ill, which his father had told him this morning when he telephoned to say he had booked Drew on the next flight to Chicago – later this evening.

Drew’s capricious, even half-baked inner fear that Tilly might find someone else if he wasn’t around gnawed at his insides, but he knew he had to remain calm, even relaxed. He knew she loved him with every beat of her heart – whilst he was around.

But loving her as much as he did now was making him feel suddenly insecure. Would she wait for him to come back? He was sure she would. But there were plenty of red-blooded servicemen roaming around London who would jump at the chance of a date with Tilly. He would never voice his fears to her, of course not . She’d be so messed-up. He had to act normally, behave like nothing was wrong. Although he knew Tilly already guessed something.

‘Is Dulcie’s brother still in the desert?’ Drew searched Tilly’s eyes for any flicker of emotion at the mention of her former sweetheart. She nodded slightly and continued to concentrate on the blade of grass she was curling between her short neat fingernails. She didn’t say anything, perhaps heeding the advice that anybody, no matter how innocent-looking, could be eavesdropping and share the information. Drew was well aware that Dulcie’s brother Rick was stationed at Tobruk in Libya, which had fallen to the Germans in June. It had cast a pall of anxiety and dismay over the whole country and he secretly wondered if Tilly was worried about her former flame. It was swell of her to worry; it showed her caring nature. But it didn’t stop him feeling an unfamiliar emotional insecurity.

‘Do you think the enemy will take Cairo as well?’ Tilly whispered, her eyes observing the people around them in the park, and Drew shook his head in answer to her grim question.

‘I don’t know,’ he said, his hand resting gently on her shoulder. He felt Tilly shiver beneath the short-sleeved, thin woollen cardigan, even though the day was still very warm.

‘Sally told us one of the nurses back at Bart’s said that she has a sister who is also a nurse, working out in Cairo.’ Tilly repositioned her head so that it lay comfortably on his lap as she plaited the long grass and tickled his chin with it, then sighing in that beautiful way she had she continued, ‘Sally’s friend was thinking of going out to join her sister, because her letters were full of the fun she was having, and all the parties she’d been invited to,’ Tilly sighed again, ‘but now she’s not so sure. After what’s happened in North Africa she says that nothing would entice her to go over there.’

‘The world is going mad,’ said Drew and then seeing Tilly’s eyes open wide he reassuringly squeezed her hand.

‘Dulcie says that there’s been talk of her sister Edith’s dance troupe being sent out to entertain the troops on one of the ENSA tours. But what if the Germans do take Cairo …?’

‘They haven’t taken it yet,’ Drew said, trying to calm her fears, ‘and knowing what I do about the brave British bulldog spirit I’m sure the Allies will fight to the last man to stop that from happening.’ He was quiet for a moment. Then he said in a hesitant, almost non-committal voice, ‘Has Dulcie heard anything from Rick?’ He watched as Tilly shook her head and looked a little uncomfortable, then Drew smiled and gave her hand another squeeze; he’d put her in a real uncomfortable position and hated himself for being so selfish, thinking only of his own feelings.

‘You mustn’t feel that you can’t mention Rick’s name around me, Tilly.’ He wanted so much for Tilly to understand he was a modern man. He recognised that other men would be just as smitten by her beauty as he was. ‘Just because he used to be sweet on you doesn’t mean you can’t talk about him.’ Drew bent and gently stroked the tip of Tilly’s nose, making her smile. ‘I know I can trust in your love for me – and Rick’s a decent guy.’

‘Oh, Drew, I would never do anything to make you think badly of me, especially …’

‘Nothing could make me feel that way, honey. I like Rick, he’s a nice guy, and you knew him before you knew me, right.’ Drew had almost convinced himself that he wouldn’t be in the least bit anxious if Rick was on his way home whilst he was back in America. ‘I know you love me and I know I can trust in that love. You’re my girl and I’m your man, right?’

‘I could never look at another man who isn’t you, my darling.’ There was a delicious giggle in Tilly’s voice that made Drew feel weak with love for her. How was he going to survive without seeing her every day? But he tried not to dwell on that now.

‘Rick’s fighting for his country and it stands to reason that you’d worry,’ he said, trying to keep his mind focused on the here and now with Tilly – not what would happen tomorrow without her. ‘You wouldn’t be the caring kinda gal I know you are, if you weren’t anxious.’

‘Oh, you are understanding, Drew, it must be terrifying for Dulcie.’ Tilly was overcome with relief that he understood and there were tears in her eyes as she fervently responded, ‘Is it any wonder that I love you.’

She turned, balancing on her elbow, blew him a kiss and said, ‘Everything you say and do proves what a wonderful, special person you are. I am concerned about Rick, and I know Dulcie is too although she tries hard not to show it.’ Tilly wiped away her tears with her hand and Drew bent to try and kiss her fears away once more.

‘I know Rick was laughing off the fighting he would have to do when he was home last,’ he said, his little finger gently outlining her beautiful features.

‘That’s Rick; all jokes and good spirits,’ said Tilly, her voice relaxed as if seeing the scene in her mind’s eye, then her tone changed, revealing her carefully hidden distress. ‘I noticed when he thought nobody was looking he stopped smiling. He looked thinner, too, and …’