Gael Lindenfield - Confident Children - Help children feel good about themselves

Finally, much of the material in the last half of this book (e.g. guidelines on successful communication and assertiveness) may also be of direct interest to older children.

An explanation of the nature of confidence and how its particular components and strengths can help children become not only happier, but more able to make full use of their personal potential.

An insight into the kind of qualities in parents, their families and their homes which have been found to affect the development of children’s confidence.

Guidelines on what actions parents can take and what language they should use, if they wish to build or boost their children’s confidence.

Instructions on how to teach children useful social skills such as communication, assertiveness and the management of their feelings.

Simple strategies to use (and teach children to use) for dealing with problems and conflicts in a positive manner.

Tips on how to help children make transitions from home to the outside world successfully.

A programme of exercises which can be used by parents (working on their own or in small groups) to reinforce what they have learned from this book and to encourage them to translate its suggestions into appropriate action.

As I have already indicated, this book is designed as an ongoing self-help programme. You will probably gain most benefit from first reading it through relatively quickly and then returning to it for a second reading at a slower pace, giving yourself time to do the exercises and to try out the guidelines and suggestions.

If you are ‘in partnership’ with a co-parent, ideally it would be best if you were to work even more slowly through the book together. Rarely do two people ever fully agree on parenting issues and, to some degree, this is a fact of life (albeit an uncomfortable one) which both children and parents must learn to accept and respect. But working jointly on this programme will at least give you a chance to discuss, argue and, hopefully, agree on some basic joint strategies and approaches.

Because this book has been written quite generally for parents with children of varying ages and abilities, you may sometimes need to ‘translate’ the text and adapt the exercises to suit your specific needs, your particular children and the culture in which you are living.

Finally, I hope that once you have completed the programme you will find this book a useful and supportive reference to refer to from time to time while your children are growing up. Please remember that it should be seen first and foremost as your resource, to be adapted and modified to suit your needs. I know from my own experience that reading books like this often stimulates my thinking and creativity, so if you come up with any new ideas as you read, please keep me informed!

People often ask me ‘which book are you most proud of?’ I always reply, without hesitation, Confident Children. This is because it was, by far, the hardest one to write. It was (and still is!) the greatest challenge to the perfectionist demon that resides within me.

I remember the day I gave the completed manuscript to my 16-year-old daughter Laura to read as though it was yesterday. I was terrified that she might not like it. Without my two daughters’ approval I knew that, even though I had put my heart and soul into the book, I would not send it off for publication. I had to know that at the very least, I had (most of the time) practised what I was preaching.

Its next major test took very much longer. It had to prove itself as a practical tool. Thankfully, the wonderful feedback which I have received from parents all over the world over the last six years has assured me that the pain of its creation was certainly worthwhile.

But, nevertheless, I approached the task of updating it with renewed trepidation. I knew that the issue of confidence building for children was becoming even more important in today’s ever-increasingly tough competitive global age. I was also aware that during the last six years, there have been many cultural changes (such as the increase in dual working parents and non-conventional family groupings), which have brought even more stress to the difficult role of parenting.

I need not have worried, however, because I have thoroughly enjoyed re-visiting and updating the book. I hope you will find this new edition helpful and motivating and that the process of nurturing your children’s confidence is as rewarding for you as it was for me.

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