Alexandra Antonioni - Eat Me - Love, Sex and the Art of Eating

Prepare to suspend your deeply cynical beliefs and be amazed.

Beauty came top of the list, although surprisingly men are not as attracted to glamour girls as we think they are. Beauty, it would seem, is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

True, the kind of women they want to date take good care of themselves and of how they look but, apparently, it is not about having the perfect body or looking like the models in the fashion mags (airbrushed within an inch of their skinny, cellulite-free, digitally-enhanced, irritating selves), it is about confidence. If you look good you will feel good, ergo you will be upbeat, friendly and approachable. If you make no effort with yourself, why should anyone make an effort with you?

To keep a man you need to be:

a lady in the parlour, a cook in the kitchen

and a whore in the bedroom .

JERRY HALL

So it’s not about being a perfect ‘10’, it’s about being the best you that you can possibly be, no matter what you may weigh, how old you are or how much money you have.

Take heart, ladies, here’s what men really want, in no particular order:

An infectious giggle, sparkly eyes, manicured hands, a toned body (but definitely not skinny, all the men I spoke to preferred a curvier girl), also important is intelligence and a wicked sense of humour that includes being able to laugh at ourselves.

Men are attracted to women who are independent, have a certain joie de vivre and are in control of their own lives. They also like women who are unpredictable, exciting and adventurous, both in and out of the bedroom.

They want a woman with whom they can have fun, who preferably likes football (a tough one I know), who doesn’t want to change them (admit it, we’ve all tried) and who understands when he’s had a bad day and he needs a cuddle.

They are dead keen on women who can cook (funny that), and girls who are not carrying around loads of baggage from past relationships. Having similar interests, ideals and goals is also considered important.

Men adore women who go to dinner and actually eat . They want someone who will support them, love their mum and not expect them to give up their mates or spend every Saturday afternoon shopping.

In addition? Men want sex; lots and lots of sex. They never want to hear the words ‘Not tonight darling, I have a headache’. Ever.

A woman waits motionless until she is wooed. Much how a spider waits for a fly .

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Ok, now for the gentlemen. What attracts us ladies to men? Good looks are clearly a consideration, but we are not expecting you to look like a movie star. That said, grooming is paramount, we want you to look and smell good. Aftershave should definitely be in evidence, but not so much that we are asphyxiated.

Women have a bit of a thing about men’s shoes, my advice is buy the best you can afford and keep ’em polished. Lots of women say a good sense of humour is imperative, make us laugh and it would seem you are home free.

Bottoms came up, a lot. We girls apparently have a bit of a thing for your pert buns, almost as much as we like kind eyes but not as much as we value that old chestnut Good Manners. We like it when men open doors for us, pay for dinner on a first date and talk to our faces rather than our cleavage. We like it when you have orderly, tidy homes and when you listen, really listen, to what we are saying. If we do tell you our problems we don’t expect you to fix them, just listen.

Gentlemen, it’s better for all concerned that you don’t go on and on about football, your bitch/angel/goddess (whichever fits) ex or drone on and on about work. We know you work hard. We do too.

Oh, I nearly forgot, we love that you can cook but please don’t do it as well as us.

Men don’t live well by themselves. They don’t even live like people. They live like bears with furniture .

RUTH RUDNER

Men are having a hard time these days but, conversely, women have never had it so good. (I think.) Apparently we live in an age where Women Can Have It All. But as much as we do want it all, we don’t want to lose our femininity and we still want our man to be a real man, even if we are earning more than you and are perfectly capable of changing a fan belt whilst knocking up dinner for ten.

But, and there’s always a but, in behaving like the strong, silent, dependable men we yearn for, you must be strong but not too strong. God forbid we should feel patronised or controlled, but there again God help you should you display any sign of weakness. (Understand why I’m feeling a bit sorry for them?)

Gentlemen, we don’t want to wear the trousers but we don’t want you to wear them either, couldn’t we just take a leg each?

Yup, women really can have it all. The job, the kids, the holidays, the money, the perfect relationship, the perfect body, new boobs and smooth botoxed skin that will never age and the most significant validation of all, a trouser leg. It’s just that sometimes it’s exhausting and we just want a cuddle. And a chocolate biscuit.

Intuition is the strange instinct that tells a woman she’s right, whether she is or not .

OSCAR WILDE

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