Cathy Glass - Girl Alone - Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control.

‘But that’s not fair!’ she cried, jumping up from her chair, all semblance of compliance gone. ‘You treat me like a fucking baby. I hate you and this fucking family! I hate everyone.’

I left Joss to calm down for a little longer than usual, allowing her time to reflect and me a chance to recharge my batteries. I found her outbursts exhausting and stressful. I was never sure what she might do or what she was capable of – the carers who’d looked after Joss before had reported that she’d hit one of them – and, although she hadn’t physically threatened me (yet), I always put some distance between us when she was very angry.

I continued to water the plants on the patio, largely as a displacement for my anxious thoughts. How could I get through to Joss before it was too late and she came to real harm? Continue as I had been doing with firm boundaries, love, care and concern? It had worked in the past with other young people I’d fostered, but would it work now? Joss was coming close to being the most challenging child I’d ever looked after, and it wasn’t something for her to be proud of.

Deep in thought, I set down the watering can and was about to go indoors to find Joss to talk to her, as I always did after one of her flare-ups, when she appeared on the patio.

‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘You can take and collect me tonight if you want.’

‘To Chloe’s?’ I asked, slightly surprised by the sudden turnaround.

‘Nah. To the cinema. We’ve decided to see a film.’

‘OK. That sounds good. Which film are you going to see?’

Joss rattled off the title of a film I knew was showing at the local cinema and then said, ‘It starts at seven-thirty, so I’m meeting Chloe there at seven to give us time to buy our tickets and popcorn. The film finishes at nine-forty-five, so you can collect me at ten.’

It did cross my mind that this all sounded a bit pat, but I had to trust Joss, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. ‘All right. We’ll leave here at six-forty,’ I said. ‘Lucy is seeing a friend this evening, so I’ll drop her off on the way.’

‘I’ll tell her,’ Joss said helpfully, and went back indoors.

We ate dinner at six and then, having explained to Adrian and Paula that I was dropping off Lucy and Joss and I’d be gone for no more than an hour, we left. Sometimes I feel I’m running a taxi service with all the driving I do, but I’d much rather that and know the children are safe than have them waiting for buses that don’t always arrive, especially at night. Both girls sat in the rear of the car, and as I drove they chatted to each other, mainly about the film Joss was going to see. Lucy wanted to see it too and was hoping to go to the cinema with a friend the following weekend. I dropped Lucy off at her friend’s house (her friend’s mother was going to bring her home later) and then I continued to the cinema.

‘Chloe will be here soon,’ Joss said, opening her car door.

‘You can wait in the car until she arrives if you like,’ I suggested.

‘Nah, it’s OK. She might be waiting inside.’

Joss got out and closed the door. I lowered my window. ‘I’ll see you at ten o’clock, then,’ I said. ‘If Chloe doesn’t arrive, phone me and I’ll come back to collect you.’

‘Sure,’ Joss said. Then she spotted her waiting to cross the road. ‘Hi, Chloe!’ she yelled, waving hard.

‘Hiya!’ the girl yelled back.

I pulled away, pleased that I’d believed Joss. She’d come to me with a history of lying, so I found myself doubting everything she told me, which wasn’t good, and not like me. Usually I trusted people and accepted what they said, unless experience proved I should do otherwise. I was so pleased I hadn’t doubted Joss or questioned her further on her trip to the cinema with Chloe, as it could have undermined our already very fragile relationship.

At home, Paula and I watched some television together and then I suggested to Adrian that he left his studies for tonight and relaxed. The examinations he was revising for were important, as he needed good grades to continue to the sixth form, but I was concerned he was overdoing it. Half an hour later he joined us and we had a game of Scrabble before it was time for me to leave to collect Joss.

Although I was ten minutes early, Joss was already waiting outside the cinema with Chloe. They came over and I lowered my window.

‘Can you give Chloe a lift home?’ Joss asked. ‘It’s on the way.’

‘Of course. Get in,’ I said.

Both girls giggled, climbed into the back and giggled some more – possibly from teenage self-consciousness or embarrassment, I didn’t know. Chloe was a largely built girl with jet-black, chin-length hair, heavily made-up eyes and a very short skirt. She looked older than Joss, but then Joss was so petite she looked younger than thirteen. Both girls reeked of cheap perfume, which I assumed was Chloe’s, as Joss hadn’t been wearing any perfume when she’d left. It was so strong I kept my window open a little.

‘Was the film good?’ I asked as I drove.

‘Yeah,’ they said, and giggled again.

‘And you’re in the same class at school?’ I asked after a moment, trying to make conversation.

‘Yeah,’ Joss said, while Chloe remained silent.

‘Where do you live?’ I asked Chloe. ‘I’ll take you to your door.’

‘We pass it,’ she said. ‘I’ll shout when we’re there.’

There was more giggling and then whispering as I drove, and finally Joss yelled, ‘Stop! We’re here!’

I checked in my mirrors and pulled over. We were outside a small parade of shops about five minutes from where I lived. ‘I’ll take you to your door,’ I said to Chloe.

‘You have!’ Joss shouted, laughing. ‘She lives here.’

‘I live over the newsagents,’ Chloe explained. ‘Thanks for the lift.’

‘You’re welcome.’

There was more giggling as Chloe got out, and then before Joss closed the car door she yelled to her, ‘See ya Monday!’

‘Yeah, see ya, you old tart!’ Chloe yelled back.

Joss shut the car door with more force than was necessary and I pulled away. As we passed Chloe walking along the pavement Joss banged on her window. Chloe grinned and put up her middle finger in an obscene gesture. I didn’t comment. Chloe was the only friend of Joss’s I’d met so far and I didn’t want to criticize her, but she was so unlike Lucy’s and Paula’s friends that I had to stop myself making an instant judgement. If I felt Chloe might not be the best choice of friend for Joss, who was drawn to trouble, I didn’t say so, and reminded myself that first impressions can be deceptive.

‘How does Chloe get into her flat?’ I asked out of interest, for there hadn’t been an obvious front door.

‘Round the back of the shops and up the fire escape,’ Joss said.

‘You’ve been to her flat?’

‘Yeah, we hang out there sometimes.’

Now that the smell of perfume was starting to clear – with Chloe’s departure and the window open – I was beginning to catch the smell of something else, which I thought could be dope, but I wasn’t sure. I knew that just as mints are used to mask the smell of alcohol, dope, tobacco, glue and other substances on the breath, so perfume and cologne can be used to try to hide the smell from clothes, skin and hair. I wasn’t going to accuse Joss unjustly, but I wanted her to know I was aware of the possibility that she may have been using again.

‘What’s the perfume?’ I asked.

‘It’s Chloe’s. I don’t know what it’s called.’

‘It’s very strong,’ I said, and I glanced at her pointedly in the mirror.

Joss immediately looked away. ‘I haven’t been smoking, if that’s what you think,’ she said defensively.