Gary Morecambe - Stella

‘Them’s private matters,’ she replied brusquely, ‘and certainly not for the ears of younger sisters.’

Sadie was well acquainted with Stella’s manner and just mouthed an ‘Oh’, before digging into her pocket to pull out a boiled sweet she had been saving.

She dropped it into the snow and Stella gave a short, derisive laugh. Unabashed, Sadie bent down, picked it up, and popped it into her mouth.

Stella winced with mock revulsion, and said, ‘I’m going to tell our Mam. It’s disgusting, is that.’ She didn’t add that she was jealous she hadn’t a boiled sweet to eat.

‘Tell-tale tit, yer tongue be split,’ retorted her sister, and at once took flight in the direction of Corkell’s Yard and the safety of home. Stella was a fast runner, and in spite of Sadie’s lead they entered the tiny house together.

In the downstairs room there was a gas light, and an oil lamp on the window ledge but it was rarely lit, and now was no exception. Next to it a candle lay horizontal on a chipped green saucer, where it had fallen the previous night and hadn’t been uprighted again. Both box-like bedrooms upstairs had a candle of their own, and the one in their parents’ room had a proper candle holder.

In winter they were grateful for the cooking range as it kept the rooms warm, but in summer it kept them hot. The planked front door had a thick curtain across it on the inside, supposedly to help shield against the draughts, but it was so full of tears and holes that it had become more of a hindrance than a help.

Mrs Ravenscroft ensured that their house was kept in a sustained state of cleanliness but she didn’t extend this virtue upon herself. The range was as black and shiny as a full bottle of Guinness and the windows were washed daily. Her saying was, ‘Cleanliness is next to godliness, but in Corkell’s Yard it’s next to impossible.’

She was smiling to herself about her saying when the sound of her daughters’ feet cracking against the iced cobblestones caught her attention. Instinctively she glanced across the kitchen to a battered cuckoo clock that for many years had given out the incorrect time. It was a habit of hers to check the time. She liked to note how long it had taken them to get from school back to home and, of course, always took into account the temperamental nature of the clock.

‘Hello, Mam,’ cried both girls.

‘Wipe your feet,’ came the firm response, but it was delivered in a gentle way. They both immediately back-stepped to the doormat.

‘What’s for tea, Mam?’ asked Sadie, always first to make enquiries on the food situation.

‘Balloons on toast,’ kidded her mother with a little smile forming on her lined face.

She was a tall woman with a frail frame, and the only secret she’d ever kept was her age. She never lied about this, she merely stated that she was the same age as her sister-in-law, Mildred from Carlisle, and then lied about her age.

Her father was called Sven Ronnorf and was Swedish. Her mother, Daisy, was pure Lancashire. Both had been dead for some years, or at least, as Jack Ravenscroft would say, ‘I hope they’re dead – we buried ’em.’ Ronnorf had been a stoker on a Swedish cargo vessel that used to bring wood to the Lancaster Docks. Then, in 1885, having met Daisy several times, he proposed to her, married her, and settled in Lancaster.

Lilly was very proud, if not a little touchy, about her Swedish background. Although born in Lancaster, and unable to speak more than two or three Swedish words, none of which were clean, she would proudly tell her daughters all about life in Sweden, as though she had spent most of her own life there.

Stella and Sadie couldn’t wait to visit this mysterious land, having heard from their mother how they lived off giant black puddings and green shrimps.

‘Go on, Mam. What’s for tea?’ Sadie pressed.

‘I’ve told you once. It’s balloons on toast, and you’ll have to eat them quick before they fly away.’

‘No, Mam, truthfully,’ she pleaded. Stella always ignored all this mundane twaddle, as she called it. She knew it was all a tease and that it would conclude in them having a normal tea.

Stella peered out of the window at the house next door, hoping to catch a glimpse of Tommy Moran. Tommy was quite nice even though he was supposed to have kissed Molly Chadwick, she thought. He was certainly more likeable than his younger brother Colin. He was horrible, and his nose was always running.

‘Your father will be in within the hour and it’s his favourite, so I thought you could have a mug of tea and a biscuit to tide you over ’til he’s here.’

‘Oh, yes,’ gasped Sadie, squeezing her hands together with anticipation. ‘It’s a fry-up, isn’t it? I know that’s Dad’s favourite.’ She licked her lips as she pictured a plate full of crispy bacon, fried bread, sausages, and fried potatoes – and, of course, a mountain of brown sauce.

Stella pulled a long face that was full of disappointment. ‘And what’s up with the Queen of England, then?’ asked her mother. Sadie turned to see her sister still peering through the window onto the dimly lit yard.

‘She’s jealous ’cos Molly Chadwick kissed Tommy Moran,’ she said quickly.

‘I’m not,’ Stella screamed back at her sister, desperately enough to make her mother realise she was.

Having committed herself to this accusation, Sadie dived back in with ‘And she kissed him on the mouth.’

Stella took a swipe at Sadie but it didn’t connect.

‘Now that’s enough, both of you,’ ordered Mrs Raven-scroft, not as loudly as the girls but in an authoritative tone that demanded obedience.

‘Sadie Ravenscroft, I’ll thump you when Mam’s not looking.’

Sadie stuck out a long pink tongue through thin, compressed lips. After returning it to its standard position, she said, ‘It’s true, Mam. She’s in love with Tommy Moran.’ She looked up at her mother, expecting to see her faint.

‘I’m not, Mam, honest I’m not.’ The swelling vein on Stella’s forehead was joined by one on either side of her neck.

Mrs Ravenscroft could see her daughter trying to control her tears of embarrassment and quickly recalled the many events of her own awkward youth.

‘Well,’ she sighed, and both girls looked up to her. ‘I don’t see anything wrong with that. Tommy’s a nice boy, and if I was a young woman again I think I might give him a kiss.’

Sadie’s mouth fell open and Stella at once grew in confidence and stature. ‘In any case,’ said Stella, ‘our Sadie’s in love with Colin Moran, and he’s got a runny nose.’ Sadie began to boil inside. ‘And his nickname’s Sniffer.’ And now Sadie’s eyes nearly left her face with shock.

‘OOH!’ she swooned. ‘Ooh, Mam, I’m not, I’m not. I can’t stand him; he’s ’orrid.’ Her cheeks reddened like highly polished apples.

‘He’s a nice boy as well,’ said their mother, ‘so stop teasing each other.’

‘You like everybody,’ said Sadie in a frustrated voice.

‘Quite right, too,’ she replied. ‘And now that’s all done with we’ll set the table. You do the knives and forks, Sadie, and put a big spoon out for your dad, and you, Stella love, you’re in charge of plates and cups and the jug of water. I’ll do the lights, so pass me a taper, there’s a good girl.’ She glanced at Sadie. ‘Don’t throw the knives and forks on the table, just place them careful like. Any fool can throw ’em down.’

The gas was lit and the fire in the hearth prodded. The green velvet tablecloth had been whisked away, folded, and pushed into the nearest drawer, and the places were set on the bare wooden surface. Hands had been scrubbed and the kettle filled and put on the range to slowly come to the boil.