Tony Ross - Little Wolf, Terror of the Shivery Sea

L Wolf, son Numero Un (french)

Kitchen Table

Dear Mum and Dad,

You have not replied to my letter about taking Smells back. I know you have been having a nice long winter hibernate, so maybe it is best to say my chums’ names for you in a xplainy way. (Just in case of your branes being shut down still, OK?)

Now (xplainy voice) my best friend and cuz is Yeller Wolf, hmmm? He has got loads of BIG IDEAS and shouts a lot.

My next best friends are Normus Bear (wopping mussels)

plus Stubbs Crow (clever beak, says “ARK!” a lot).

These are some adventures we have done before, OK?

turn over

Daring Deeds at Adventure Academy.

Haunting at Haunted Hall with dead Uncle Bigbad as our Top Ghost. (He died of eating 2 many bakebeans 2 fast and went off bang, remember?)

Being Frettnin Forest Detective Agency, that was good.

Camping out, tracking ect. with me being Pack Leader.

Now we are trying to think up another fine adventure to have, but Smells is spoiling it for us, NOT FAIR.

Yours remindingly,

L Wolf, son

Down The Coalhole

Dear Mud and Dam,

Thank you for your sharp note saying pack up reminding people. Also you do not like me saying about your brane being shut down, so I must lock myself in the coalhole for cheek. OK, but serve you right if this writing is on the wonk (dark in here) .

About saying “Yes?” and “Hmmm? ” and all that. You say that is a big sauce, talking to you in a xplainy way. Because you are big parents, not small weaky fluffballs, so now I must suck a bar of soap, OR ELSE. Plus I must pack in whining and saying not fair.

OK, I will count myself lucky being able to spend time with my baby bruv, but can you check your clock to see how long that time is? I think it has got stuck.

Yours punishedly,

Little Filth (coaldust)

PS I have not done the soapsucking part yet. Sorry, but I cannot do my best writing plus spitting out bubbles at the same time.

PPS I am doing it now, spit spit, bluck.

Drawer Number 3 (ahh cosy),

Chester Draws, My Room

Dear Mum and Dad,

Shame about Dad catching a touch of the Mange, so now he is all germy. You say Smellybreff cannot come near Dad for ages, in case he might catch it. His fur will go itchy and drop off in rugsize lumps, oo-er.

Yes, I understand Dad is being noble in a wolfly way. (If he is not telling a wopping FAT FIB, hint hint.) By the way, is the Mange like blancMange? Because you never get fur on that either, funny, eh? Only if you leave it out of the fridge for a week.

Yours askingly,

Son wun

My Room

Dear M and D,

You know when I was down the coalyhole sucking soap for getting on your nerves? Well I found a dusty old pic chucked out by Uncle Bigbad, a big 1 with a posh frame.

I thought, I know, give it a bit of a soapy lick, see who is under the dust. Then I found out. It is a fearsum old wolf plus beard, scar ect., all covered in guns and daggers! He has got a funny hat on with a mutton bones badge made out of jewels, all sparkly like his earring. He has got a crool, teasy look on his face, plus he is sitting on a big strong old chest. In his paw he is holding a long twisty stick, looks like coff candy, only made of elephant tusks, maybe.

I gave the notice underneath a good shine up on my fur so you can see some words, they are:

I wonder who that Blackfur was. I bet he was an olden day park-keeper that was all snarl and snappish, yes?

Yours surmisingly,

Detective Inspectickles Wolf (get it?)

PS Clue: no it is me wearing spectickles really.

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