Only four years separate the three of us but that felt like a big gap when I was about 12 and hated everything about the female race. All I wanted was to kick a ball around which was very annoying for two girls who were becoming young women. And they let me know it.
We all lived at home for a long time and while we would get on each other’s nerves at times my childhood was quite ordinary but also idyllic. We did everything together. Christmas is a very special time for everyone and in our house we always had my grandparents round and it just felt right. Actually, it felt like that on any given Sunday when Mum had all of us for dinner.
That was part of her secret. No matter the arguments or fall-outs, and no matter who they were between, Mum knew the importance of bringing us all together. Every night the Lampards would sit down and eat dinner at the same time. Every night. There were some exceptions but no excuses. It worked.
As I grew up I began to appreciate Natalie and Claire more. They were very understanding towards me even though I could often be the annoying little brother. Because of the football and, I suppose, because I was the only son, Dad had always paid me a lot of attention. He was great with them too but there must have been times when they felt a bit left out. Remarkably, Mum would mediate and negotiate through all of this.
I’m glad they persevered with me and I distinctly remember my feelings change towards them when I was 15. There is a time when most boys finally start to appreciate their sisters for who they are. I did and fell in love with them. After that, there hasn’t been a moment when I have not felt their love and support. Not once.
As the youngest in the family, I looked up to them and respected them and I was lucky that I learned how much it meant to have them at quite a young age. Natalie can be quite combative and there were a few instances when she got involved with punters at West Ham when they were slagging me off. It’s not just fans though. She loves football and has very strong opinions and it’s not unusual for her to call me after an England game and say ‘Why did Eriksson take you off when so and so was s***?’
We are lucky because we still spend a lot of time together with our partners and our children and the environment we grew up in has very much continued and grown bigger. Mum has been the central figure in our family life and still is now with the grandchildren whom she is very much involved with.
Life, however, can become quite heated at times in a family which is as competitive as ours but she is a very calming influence. If I have had a bad game then I would always call Mum whereas I don’t want to speak to Dad. He will only tell me the things that I did wrong and I punish myself enough for them. Not with Mum. She might not even talk about football with me but having a conversation with her just helps me get some balance back. It’s not that she doesn’t have an opinion or isn’t passionate about my football. I know that she has had arguments with Harry if I wasn’t playing at West Ham. They wouldn’t be straightforward ‘Why’s my boy not getting a game?’ either. She was more subtle than that. She would just throw in a remark about some other midfielder who maybe wasn’t playing so well and Harry would suddenly pick up what she was getting at. She wasn’t alone. One evening her Dad – Pop to me – was at Harry’s house for dinner at a time when I wasn’t getting a game. Pop had been talking football with Harry and working his way towards the subject of me and why I wasn’t in the team. Eventually, he ran out of patience and asked outright.
‘So Harry, why’s young Frank not getting a game at the moment?’ Pop asked.
‘Because I say so, that’s why. He’s not Maradona, your grandson,’ Harry replied.
I quite liked Harry’s comeback. Hearing those stories helps me better understand the emotion involved for every one of my family when it comes to football. I don’t hold any grudges. Far from it. It makes me proud that I come from stock which is so passionate about football and is not afraid to express it. With Pop I can see where Mum got her sharp wit and she can be equally blunt as Pop when she chooses to be.
We were sitting at a table in the Royal Lancaster Hotel the night I was named Football Writers’ Player of the Year in 2005 and a journalist who had been particularly nasty in print about me during my first year at Chelsea was sitting talking to her. He was saying how well I had done and so on. She listened politely, nodding her head in appreciation until he had finished and then just cut him down with one sentence: ‘You didn’t always say that about him though did you?’
It’s not in my nature to be confrontational. It’s not in her’s either but when it comes to protecting her children she will do whatever she judges to be right. I have only ever had one row with Mum. We were in a shopping centre and I was being a little brat, wanting to do something that she didn’t. We had words and fell out for about twenty minutes until I went crying to her saying that I didn’t want to row with her anymore. And we haven’t since, not even in the worst moments when I have done something stupid or am being stubborn. When the News of the World published the story of me and a few other players cavorting on video with some girls while on holiday in Ayia Napa my Mum didn’t shout at me. Dad did. He came down on me like a ton of bricks though I couldn’t tell you what he said. But I do remember very clearly what happened with Mum.
I was sitting in the bathroom of my flat feeling sick as a dog and sorry for myself. Mum phoned and said that footballers who get involved in stuff like this end up in the gutter with their career down the drain. She was very emotional, not crying but I could tell how upset she was from the tone of her voice. I can honestly say that her reaction had more effect on me than anything else about the whole business.
I am very proud of what I have inherited from my parents. My Mum’s perception, humanity and sensitivity have helped me become the person I am whereas I would never have become a footballer had it not been for my Dad’s ambition, hard work and vision. You need to find the middle ground.
I was always worried that I might not make it and it gives me extra pleasure now knowing what I have achieved. I knew I would never lose the tag of ‘somebody’s son, somebody’s nephew’ while I was at Upton Park. It’s hard enough to emerge from the shadow of other people when it’s just your team-mates and peers.
I was always measured against my own flesh and blood but I feel differently now. I know how proud my family are of me. And, just as important, how proud I am of them.
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