Jean Ure - Star Quality

“I’m not worried!” Mum tossed her head. “What should I be worried about? If Caitlyn’s got in, you’ve got in. I just want things settled.”

Fortunately the letter arrived the very next day. Just in time to stop Mum embarrassing me!

“So what does it say?” said Dad. “I’m on a knife-edge here!”

“It says she’s been offered a place,” said Mum. “What else would it say?”

“You tell me,” said Dad. “All that fussing and fuming!”

“I wasn’t worried,” said Mum.

But I knew that she had been. Just for a little bit, Mum had actually had doubts. She had actually considered the possibility that I might not get in. It was a sobering thought. Did it mean Mum didn’t have faith in me?

Fretfully I said, “If you’d let me go when I was eleven, I’d be in my second year by now. Why didn’t you let me go then? Most people do!”

“Sean didn’t,” said Mum. “He didn’t go till he was nearly fifteen.”

I said, “Jen did!”

But Jen had got married and had a baby and given up dancing. That was practically a sin in Mum’s book.

“Is it because of her you wouldn’t let me?” I said. “Cos you were scared I’d do what she did?”

I’d once heard Mum and Dad discussing it and saying how maybe they’d made a mistake and pushed too hard. That maybe Jen’s heart hadn’t really been in it.

“I’d never give up just cos of having a baby,” I said. “I don’t even like babies all that much.”

Dad said, “Hah! Famous last words … That’s exactly what your mum used to say. And then she went on to have the three of you!”

“Yes, but I carried on dancing,” snapped Mum.

“Until you had me,” I said.

“You were an accident,” said Mum. “But anyway, it was nothing to do with Jen giving up. If you want to know the truth, your dad and I weren’t totally convinced that at the age of eleven you had the necessary discipline for full-time training.”

I stared at her, indignantly. How could she say that? When I’d been dutifully attending classes three times a week for almost as long as I could remember! I hadn’t ever grumbled or complained. Not even when she’d told me my arms were like waterlogged balloons or my fingers like bunches of sausages. In front of the entire class! I’d never resented it. Well, only a little bit. It had never stopped me trying to improve. I’d always worked hard; I’d passed all my exams. What more did she want?

“We just needed to make sure,” said Mum, “that you were really committed. I’ve felt once or twice with Jen that maybe she was only going along to please me and your dad, because it was expected of her, and that perhaps if we’d held her back a bit she might have chosen a different path. We always knew with Sean that his heart was set on it. He only waited till he was older because boys can. There wasn’t any particular rush. But thirteen is a perfectly good age! You don’t have to look all reproachful. You’ve been accepted; you’ll be starting in September. What’s the problem?”

I said, “There’ll be some people that have been there two years already!”

It would make me feel inferior. Everyone would know who my mum and dad were. They would wonder why I’d left it so late.

I’d never thought that way before; I’d always just accepted that I would go to ballet school when I was thirteen. I’d never really queried it. I hadn’t had any idea that Mum and Dad were holding me back cos they didn’t think I had enough discipline! It came as a bit of a shock, to be honest.

“You won’t be the only one who’s just starting,” said Dad. “And let’s face it, you couldn’t have had any better training. Your mum may be a tyrant, but believe me, there’ll come a time when you’ll thank her for that!”

“Yes, and just think,” said Mum, “if we’d let you go when you were eleven, you would never have met Caitlyn. We all know how much she owes you, but it’s far from being a one-way street … It wasn’t until you made her your pet project that you really started to show commitment. I was so proud when she took that audition with me and I knew that it was you who’d been teaching her … I couldn’t have done a better job myself!”

I glowed. I couldn’t help it! Mum almost never praises me. The most she’ll say is, “That’s a bit better.” Not even better: just a bit better.

Dad caught my eye and winked. “Wonders will never cease, eh?”

“What wonders?” said Mum.

“Maddy knows! Don’t you?”

I giggled and nodded. It was good, having Dad on my side.

“You and your little secrets,” said Mum. She patted my head as she left the room. “I think you’ll find I always give praise when praise is due.”

“So there you have it,” said Dad. “If I were you, Mads, I’d go away and have a bit of a gloat … I’d say you deserve one!”

It was our very first day at CBS. Caitlyn had begged me to wait for her at Waterloo so that we could walk there together. She’d said, “I know it’s silly, but I’m all trembly.” I hadn’t teased her cos to be honest even I felt a bit of a quiver as we went in through the main entrance. We may have been coming to the school for almost a year for our extension classes, but we had only been visitors then. It was very different being full-time students. At last we could feel that we really belonged.

We’d spent the morning having registration, copying timetables and doing ordinary academic lessons – maths, English and geography, in this case – just as we would at any normal school. Now, at last, it was lunchtime. A group of us were sitting at a long table in the canteen, all eagerly looking forward to our first dance class of the day. There was me and Caitlyn, Roz and Alex, Tiffany Blanche, a tiny girl from Hong Kong called Mei, and Tiffany’s friend Amber, whose surname I couldn’t remember.