Jenny Valentine - Iggy and Me and The Happy Birthday

“ Swimming , silly,” Iggy said.

“Oh,” said Dad. “How do you do ‘ swimming, silly ’? Do you hop up and down and splash your top half about?”

Iggy looked cross, Mum said, “Stop it,” and Dad said, “OK.”

I was keeping out of it again.

“We did floating bottoms,” Iggy said. “If you must know.”

“What’s a floating bottom?” said Dad.

Iggy giggled.

“How do you float a bottom?” Dad said. “I have to know.”

Iggy said, “It’s easy. You let go with your feet.”

“Maybe you could show me next time we go swimming,” Dad said.

Iggy said, “Can we go now?”

“Not now, Iggy,” said Mum. “It’s almost bedtime.”

“Can we go tomorrow?” Iggy said.

“Maybe,” said Mum. “I think we probably could.”

“Good,” said Iggy. “Then I can show all of you.”

Iggy went to all six of her swimming lessons. Then she went to six more.

One day we were all swimming. Mum and Dad, and Iggy and me. I was being a mermaid and going underwater to find treasure. Dad threw his goggles for me and I dived down for them. They were the treasure.

Iggy was swimming along behind. Her feet weren’t touching the bottom. Her legs were kicking and her arms were flapping and she was doing everything right. She swam up to Dad and held on to him to get her breath back.

“I’ve got bad news for you, Iggy,” he said.

“What?” Iggy said. Her hair was all wet and peaky, and drops of water kept dripping in her eyes. “What?” she said again.

“You’ve turned into a fish ,” Dad said.

Iggy smiled. “It’s better than being a piglet,” she said, and she swam off, with her whole bottom floating, to find Mum.

A long time before Iggy’s birthday, we were all in the garden. Mum was digging and Dad was reading the newspaper. Iggy and me were putting food out for the birds.

“Mum and Dad,” she said. “You know my birthday? Can I have a pet?”

Dad rustled his paper and Mum stopped digging.

Dad said, “What birthday?”

Mum said, “It’s ages away.”

“Is it?” Iggy said.

“ Ages ,” said Dad, looking out from behind his paper.

Iggy drooped a little bit, but she carried on anyway.

“Well, when it’s not ages away any more, can I have a pet? For my birthday?”

Mum and Dad smiled at each other. Dad shook his head.

“What sort of pet?” I asked.

“Just a small one,” Iggy said. “Like a puppy or a kitten.”

“Puppies and kittens grow into dogs and cats,” said Dad.

“I know that, silly,” she said.

“Dogs and cats are big ,” Dad said.

“Well, smaller then,” said Iggy. “A rabbit or a guinea pig or – I know! – a hamster .”

“What about an ant or a spider or an earwig?” Dad said. “They’re small and they’re very little trouble.”

“ Ewww ,” Iggy said. “I don’t want them. I want something nice and soft and furry.”

“Some spiders are furry,” I said.

Iggy glared at me. “I don’t want a spider , Flo,” she said. “I want a hamster .”

“Good luck with that,” said Dad, and he went back to his reading.

“Put it on your birthday list,” said Mum.

“What birthday list?”

“A list of things you’d like for your birthday,”

Mum said. “You could start making it now.”

So Iggy did.

She went straightaway to get some pens and paper. She sat at the table in the garden, and she put pebbles on the corners to stop her list flapping around and blowing away. Then she tipped all the pens out of her pencil case and put on her very busy face.

At the top she wrote IGGY’S BIRTHDAY LIST in big, all-different-colour letters.

“Look Flo,” she said, and she held it up for me to see.

“Cool,” I said.

Then she put 1: A hamster

“Look, Flo,” she said again. “That’s good.”

Iggy sat and thought for a minute. “If I only put one thing on my list, will I definitely get it?”

“No,” said Mum and Dad together.

“What will I get then?” Iggy said.

I said, “A surprise.”

“I don’t like surprises,” said Iggy.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know what they are.”

Dad laughed.

“That’s the whole point,” I told her. “That’s what surprises are.”

Mum said, “Do you remember when you thought we were going to the supermarket and we went to the Safari Park instead? You were really surprised then.”

“Oh yes,” Iggy said. “I forgot. I do like surprises.”

“Good,” said Mum.

“But I like hamsters more,” Iggy said. “Can my surprise be a hamster?”

“No!” said Mum and Dad.

Iggy looked at her list of one thing for a long time. Mum did more digging and Dad did more newspaper rustling, and I waited for the birds to come and eat their snacks.

“What shall number two be?” Iggy said.

Mum said, “There’s no hurry,” and Dad said, “What about a motorbike?”

Iggy frowned at him. “I’m not allowed a motorbike. I’m too young for one of those.”

“You’ll think of something,” said Mum.

I said, “I bet there are loads of things you want.”

“Oooh,” said Iggy. “If I write loads of things on my list, will I get them all?”

“No,” said Mum and Dad.

“So why am I writing them?”

“To give us an idea of what you want,” Mum said.

“A hamster,” Iggy said. “A hamster, a hamster, a hamster !”

“OK, enough,” said Dad. “This conversation is going round in circles.”

“Hamsters do that,” Iggy said. “Gruffles, the hamster in our class, is going round in circles all the time.”

Mum looked very carefully into the hole that she was making and Dad looked very carefully at the news. They didn’t say anything.

Iggy worked on her list of one thing until lunchtime.

“Look Flo,” she said.

Next to 1: A hamster there was a very good picture of a hamster in its cage. It was peeking through the bars with its twitchy nose and its little hands showing.

Underneath that, Iggy had written 2: ??????

The question marks were all the colours of the rainbow.

“I don’t know what else to want ,” she said.

I said I would help her.

For lunch we had omelettes and tomatoes and lettuce. Normally Iggy is a big fidget and a big chatterbox at the table, and she takes ages to finish. Today she was still and quiet and eating.

“Are you OK, Iggy?” Dad said. “You are acting very strangely.”

“No I’m not,” said Iggy. “I’m thinking.”

“Thinking about what?” Mum said.

“What I want that isn’t a hamster,” Iggy said.

Mum and Dad laughed, and she frowned at them. She said, “It’s harder than you think.”

After lunch we started thinking together.

“What do other people have that you would like?” I said.

“Our whole class has a hamster.”

“Apart from one of those,” I said. “That’s on the list already.”

“Frankie Day’s got a bike,” Iggy said.

“What sort of bike?”

“A brilliant one. It’s got tassels on the handlebars and a bell. It’s got a basket for stuff at the front and a special seat for teddies at the back.”

“Wow,” I said. “What colour is it?”

“Pink and purple.”

“What colour bike would you have if you could?”

“Pink and purple,” Iggy said. “If I could, I’d have one exactly the same.”

“So write it down.”

Next to 2: Iggy put A bike like Frankie’s, and she drew it too, with tassels and a bear all strapped in behind the saddle.