Shane Hegarty - Chaos Descends

He followed his mother, trudging downstairs and realising he could hear a couple of voices in the kitchen already.

“Do you want more pickles with that?” he heard his father asking.

“Mmmm-mmmm,” he heard Broonie agree, his mouth clearly full, presumably with pancakes and pickles. This was highly unusual.

Clara reappeared in the hallway, grabbing her keys. “I know this is a big day for you, Finn. But I really need to get out before that breakfast is over.”

Finn didn’t know what she was talking about. “Mam, why is Dad making Broonie pancakes?”

“Last meal of a condemned man,” said Clara, throwing on her jacket and heading for the front door. “A condemned Hogboon actually. Your dad’s looking after things before the Completion tonight. Anyway, it’s going to be a crazy day for you. For us. So I’m going to go to work and find something more relaxing to do for a while. Maybe look at pictures of rotting teeth or something.”

He could hear Broonie slurping while Hugo asked him if he would like more moss on his pancakes. Clara sighed and left.

Finn went into the kitchen, the shuffling of his huge slippers announcing him.

“Hey, Finn,” his dad said, with a cheeriness so forced Finn knew it could only be building up to something bad.

Finn gave him a wary look. Broonie raised a knobbly hand in acknowledgement, unable to speak because his mouth was so full of pancakes, moss and something that looked like a fat twig. Or a skinny slug. Finn couldn’t be sure.

“I was just explaining to Broonie about what happened last night,” said Hugo.

“Nasty business,” said Broonie, specks of food spraying from his mouth. “That scoundrel Mr Glad is back. Doesn’t bode well.”

“No,” said Finn, unsure about what was going on here.

Hugo spooned some more moss on to Broonie’s plate. “I’ve had to tell the Council of Twelve about this,” he said to Finn. “We’ve got some ghostly version of Mr Glad disappearing Half-Hunters into thin air, and he said those words …”

“ Tick, tock ,” said Finn, still watching Broonie slurp up his treat.

“ Tick, tock is not good. Tick, tock sounds like something’s about to go off. The Twelve were on their way to your ceremony anyway, so there’s no point in trying to keep this to ourselves any longer.”

Finn had hoped for a bit more reassurance than this. That his father was stumped was not a good sign.

“The ceremony is definitely going ahead then …?” asked Finn, torn between a desire to be made a Legend Hunter and the hope it might be done without too much fuss.

“I’d expect so,” said Hugo, matter of fact, while fishing about in a drawer in search of something. “Even if things are going badly, the Council of Twelve likes a spectacular event. In fact, I was just telling Broonie what a big day it is for you.”

“I’ll stay out of your way,” said Broonie, licking his lips clean of squished pickles.

“And I was reminding Broonie,” continued Hugo in a pointed tone, “that lots of special guests are due in Darkmouth. The Council of Twelve. More Half-Hunters. The golden monkeys.”

“Ah no, are they really doing the golden monkey thing?” groaned Finn.

“They won’t get so much as a whiff of this old Hogboon,” said Broonie, giving his armpit a quick sniff. “No need to worry on that score.”

Hugo turned, and Finn saw that he had a roll of electrical tape and a pair of scissors in his hand. Broonie realised this too and stopped mid-munch, looked at each of them. “Pancakes,” he said as if just figuring out a vital clue in a great mystery. “ Pancakes . I should have known when you gave me pancakes!”

“Do we need to do this?” Finn asked his dad.

“We do, I’m afraid,” said Hugo.

“The pancakes weren’t even that great, to be truthful,” hissed Broonie. “Not enough eggshell pieces for my liking.”

“Do we have to tie him up?” Finn asked.

“No,” said Hugo, “but only if he’ll … you know what … willingly.”

Broonie’s drooping eyelids opened wide as he understood fully what was going on. “Oh, it’s desiccated I’m to be? Maybe you should try getting shrunk some day!” he screamed at them. “I promise you it’s a treat beyond delight!”

“The Twelve think you’re already desiccated,” said Hugo. “If they see you like this, they’ll make sure to do it themselves, and they won’t be as gentle as us.”

“I was being sarcastic, you do realise that?” said Broonie. “It’s not a treat. Or a delight.”

“Let’s all agree it’s not pleasant,” continued Hugo. “But we have bigger problems at the moment.”

“So I must pay the price for your problems.”

Finn sighed and shrank a little. It was too early in the day for this. It would always be the wrong time of day for it. “We’ll make it quick,” he promised.

“It’ll only be quick for you,” complained Broonie. “For me, it is a slow, cruel trip towards oblivion. After all I’ve done for you.”

“You’re right,” said Hugo. “You helped Finn defeat a rampant Minotaur. But, let’s be honest here, we’ve saved your life too. You could easily be back with the Council of Twelve being questioned and examined—”

“And prodded,” added Broonie. “There was lots of prodding.”

“No one wants to hurt you, Broonie,” said Finn, genuinely upset by all of this.

“Really?” asked Broonie.

“Really,” said Hugo. “I promise we’ll reanimate you when this is over, give you a big chisel and you can go out there and eat all the old, hard chewing gum you can dig off the pavement.” Hugo held out a hand. “So what do you say?”

Broonie eyeballed him in return, assessing the offer for a few seconds before making his decision. “You know,” he said, “you humans really do have the most appalling eyebrows.”

Then he ran.

Four minutes and twenty-six seconds later, and after the loss of a couple of pieces of crockery, Broonie was wrapped in tape and protesting as loudly as his gagged mouth would allow.

“We’ll get him to the library. You’re going to have to grab his feet,” said Hugo.

“Why do I have to grab his feet?” protested Finn. “They’re vile.”

“ Hhhggmmm! ” Broonie complained. “ Hhhhgggmmmmmm! ”

They lifted the Hogboon like a roll of carpet to a spot on the kitchen floor between the bin and the washing machine.

“You watch him while I grab a Desiccator and get this thing over and done with,” said Hugo and nipped out of the door towards the Long Hall before Finn could protest.

“ Hhhhggghhkkmmm! ”

“I know,” said Finn, hating every moment of this. “I’m sorry.”

“ Hhhgggmmmm ,” added Broonie, then “ kkhhhhhhukkkk, ” as if choking a bit.

The Hogboon seemed in genuine distress now, all trussed up like that, with the locket clamped tight in his neck. “ Kkkgggggggggurrrrrrrkkk .” He writhed on the floor, thrust his head back, struggling for breath. It was awful to see.

Finn couldn’t stand it any longer and bent down to pull a corner of the tape from Broonie’s mouth. The Hogboon gasped a breath. “My neck,” he rasped. “The clasp. Too tight. Can’t breathe.”

The doorbell rang. Bing bong .

“Dad!” Finn called out of the door into the hall. “Can you get that?”

“Help,” gasped Broonie, a spray of spittle leaping from his lips.

“I’ll loosen it,” Finn said. “But just a bit.” He fumbled with the lock on the very back of the necklace. What code? He tried the house’s alarm code and sure enough the lock loosened and Finn could let the clasp out a bit, to the evident relief of Broonie who gulped in breath as if it was his last chance.