Jeanne Willis - Penguin Pandemonium

The meerkats had gone underground, the leopard skulked into the back of his cave and even the hippo managed to disappear by holding his breath underwater. If he hadn’t blown off like a thunderclap and given away his position with a string of bubbles no one would have known he was there.

“This zoo is rubbish!” cried a small boy. “I can’t see any penguins!”

The penguins were there, but they were all hiding behind a fake cliff waiting for Big Paulie to lead them in a crisis meeting. For some reason, however, Big Paulie hadn’t turned up. Every time the penguins had had a problem in the past, the mighty emperor penguin had sorted it. He’d been around for as long as anyone could remember.

He’d originally come from Antarctica and as he’d travelled by plane, he always joked that he was the only penguin capable of flight. If the stories were to be believed, Big Paulie was so tough, he could dive five hundred metres under the sea without his head exploding. He was so hard, he once trekked one hundred kilometres across the icy wastes without food. He was so brave, he’d rescued his own father from the jaws of a killer whale. No wonder the other penguins were a little scared of him.

“It’s good that he’s scary, Rory,” Blue had once explained. “Remember the terrible Battle of Nesting Box between the rockhoppers and the chinstraps? If they’d had no respect for Paulie, they’d still be fighting over where to make their nests. And what about the time he protected the emperor chicks from an escaped baboon? If it hadn’t been scared of Paulie, it might have killed us all.”

But time was ticking on, there was still no sign of Paulie and the penguins were getting impatient.

“It’s unusual for him to be late,” muttered Waldo, one of the chinstrap penguins. “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen him for a while. I wonder if there’s some sort of crisis?”

“Duh!” groaned Muriel. “There’s a zoo-closing crisis. Does Paulie even know about it? If he won’t come to us, we’ll have to go to him, unless you ninnies have a better idea?”

“Rory has!” said Blue proudly. “He’s thinking of a plan to save the zoo.”

All the penguins shuffled round and stared at him hopefully.

“Let’s hear it then,” said Muriel, folding her flippers.

“Maybe later?” said Rory. “It still needs a little working on.”

But Muriel wasn’t prepared to wait.

“Here’s my plan, you go and ask Paulie for help. Everybody get behind Rory!”

“You can go in front if you like,” said Rory, but all the penguins formed an orderly line and waited for him to lead the way to Paulie’s Palace. At this time of day, Big Paulie could usually be found working-out in his courtyard – he was famous for his one-flipper press-ups and had an amazing six-pack for a penguin – but when they got there, there was no sign of him.

“He’s gone out,” said Rory, relieved. “Let’s come back tomorrow.”

“Try knocking, bird-brain,” said Muriel, rapping on the door. At the sound of footsteps, she pushed Rory forward. As the boss appeared, everyone else drew back, shocked by how scruffy Paulie looked. His head feathers were sticking out like a punk rocker’s and he smelled terrible.

“Eugh, what are those things stuck to his vest?” whispered Muriel. “Mouldy sequins?”

They were sprat eyes. Big Paulie, who was the best-groomed penguin in the zoo, had spilled fish down himself. It seemed he hadn’t bothered to preen before hitting the nest and had fallen asleep in his day feathers. His eyes were bright red and though that was the natural colour for a rockhopper, emperor penguins had brown eyes. Maybe Paulie had been peeling onions – but where would he get them from? Whatever the cause, he wasn’t himself at all.

“Tell Paulie the bad news, Rory,” prompted Muriel.

Rory took a deep breath and was about to speak when Paulie held up a flipper for silence.

“I don’t wanna know. I’m up to here with bad news.”

He waved them away irritably and turned to go inside.

“Say something, Rory,” urged Blue.

Rory plucked up all his courage.

“Paulie? This is serious. The zoo is going to close!”

One toe at a time, as if in great pain, Big Paulie shuffled round to face him again. Rory was expecting to be shouted at but Paulie just gazed at him glumly.

“So? Whadda you gonna do?”

“Me?” said Rory. “But you’re the boss, Paulie. I… or rather, we… thought you might do something…”

Paulie stared into the distance as if he had nothing more to say, so Rory tried again.

“If they close this zoo, you might end up in a tiny tank in Sea World. Wouldn’t that make you mad, Paulie?”

The boss made circles with his head as if he was trying to get rid of a wasp.

“Rory, Rory, whaddo I care? I’m mad with grief already. Yesterday, a migrating seagull told me that my best friend, Chubby O’Neil, was eaten by a leopard seal in the Arctic Ocean. That penguin was like a brother to me. The zoo shuts, whaddo I care? It won’t bring Chubby back, may he rest in pieces.”

He put his head under his wing. Rory gulped and cleared his throat.

“Paulie, you have to help us! Penguins who have been friends for life will be separated forever, cast out into the wilderness to be eaten by fierce koalas…”

Paulie whipped his head out from under his wing.

“You dare to guilt-trip me about being separated from friends when my best friend Chubby is lost at sea for all eternity?”

“How could you, Rory,” interrupted Muriel. “You are so insensitive.”

But Paulie hadn’t finished.

“You dare to lecture me about the dangers of the wild when Chubby just became a seal snack? I couldn’t save him, I can’t save you.”

“C— could you at least try?” stammered Rory. “For… Chubby’s sake?”

The mere mention of Chubby’s name made Paulie wince and clutch at his heart.

“Cheap shot, Rory. Life ain’t a bucket of caviar. Deal with it.”

He kicked the door shut and the penguins scattered, apart from Muriel, who felt it was her moral duty to make Rory look like a loser in front of Blue.

“Well, you stuffed that up like a kipper,” she smirked. “I can’t wait to hear your ‘amazing’ plan to save the zoo – what was it again?”

“Just you wait and see!” said Rory with great bravado.

But he was bluffing. He still didn’t have a plan, let alone an amazing one, and deep-down he was afraid that Muriel would have to wait rather a long time.

id I handle Paulie that badly?” sighed Rory as they waddled slowly back to the penguin pool. Blue shook her head.

“Take no notice of Muriel, she’s all beak. You were brave and brilliant.”

“I was, wasn’t I?” he grinned, then he threw his flippers up in frustration. “But I still can’t think of a way to save the zoo. Maybe it’s because I’ve got a bird brain. I wish I was a great ape, they’re almost as intelligent as humans.”

“I heard more so,” said Blue. “But it’s not the size of your brain that counts, Rory. Little heads can have big thoughts. Let’s go swimming. Maybe something will come to you in the deep end.”

“Oh what, like a leopard seal?” said Rory sarcastically.

“I was only trying to help, squid breath!” said Blue. “Got a better idea?”