David Eddings - The Sapphire Rose

Ehlana looked a bit startled. To cover the moment, she looked around the room. ‘But where are our other friends?’ she asked.

‘They’ve returned to the chapterhouse, My Queen,’ Sparhawk informed her. ‘They have preparations to make. Sephrenia promised to come back later, though.’ He extended his arm and escorted her to a rather ornate chair by the window. She sat and carefully arranged the folds of her gown.

‘May I?’ Stragen said to Sparhawk.

Sparhawk looked puzzled.

Stragen went to the window, nodding to Ehlana as he passed, and drew the heavy drapes. She stared at him. ‘It’s most imprudent to sit with one’s back to an open window in a world where there are crossbows, Your Majesty,’ he explained with another bow. ‘You have many enemies, you know.’

‘The palace is totally secure, Milord Stragen,’ Lenda objected.

‘Do you want to tell him?’ Stragen wearily asked Platime.

‘My Lord of Lenda,’ the fat man said politely, ‘I could get thirty men inside the palace grounds in about ten minutes. Knights are all very well on a battlefield, I suppose, but it’s hard to look up when you’re wearing a helmet. In my youth, I studied the art of burglary. A good burglar is as much at home on a rooftop as he is on a street.’ He sighed. ‘Those were the days,’ he reminisced. ‘There’s nothing like a nice neat burglary to set the pulse to racing.’

‘But it might be a bit difficult for a man weighing twenty-one stone,’ Stragen added. ‘Even a slate roof can only hold so much weight.’

‘I’m not really all that fat, Stragen.’

‘Of course not.’

Ehlana looked genuinely alarmed. ‘What are you doing to me, Sparhawk?’ she asked.

‘Protecting you, My Queen,’ he replied. ‘Annias wants you dead. He’s already proved that. As soon as he finds out about your recovery, he’ll try again. The men he sends to kill you won’t be gentlemen. They won’t leave their cards with the footman at the door when they come to call. Between them, Platime and Milord Stragen know just about everything there is to know about slipping into places unobserved, and they’ll be able to take the proper steps.’

‘We can guarantee Your Majesty that no one will get past us alive,’ Stragen assured her in his beautiful deep voice. ‘We’ll try not to over-inconvenience you, but there’ll be certain restrictions on your freedom of movement, I’m afraid.’

‘Such as not sitting near an open window?’

‘Precisely. We’ll draw up a list of suggestions and pass them on to you through the Earl of Lenda. Platime and I are men of business, and Your Majesty might find our presence distressing. We’ll remain in the background as much as possible.’

‘Your delicacy is exquisite, Milord,’ she told him, ‘but I’m not all that much distressed by the presence of honest men.’

‘Honest?’ Platime laughed coarsely. ‘I think we’ve just been insulted, Stragen.’

‘Better an honest cut-throat than a dishonest courtier,’ Ehlana said. ‘Do you really do that? Cut throats, I mean?’

‘I’ve slit a few in my time, Your Majesty,’ he admitted with a shrug. ‘It’s a quiet way to find out what a man has in his purse, and I’ve always been curious about that sort of thing. Speaking of that, you might as well tell her, Talen.’

‘What’s this?’ Sparhawk asked.

‘There’s a small fee involved, Sparhawk,’ Talen said.

‘Oh?’

‘Stragen volunteered his services free of charge,’ the boy explained.

‘Just for the experience, Sparhawk,’ the blond northerner said. ‘King Wargun’s court is a bit crude. The court of Elenia is reputed to be exquisitely courteous and totally depraved. A studious man always seizes these opportunities to expand his education. Platime, on the other hand, is not quite so studious. He wants something a little more tangible.’

‘Such as?’ Sparhawk bluntly asked the fat man.

‘I’m beginning to give some thought to retirement, Sparhawk – some quiet country estate where I can entertain myself in the company of a bevy of immoral young women – begging Your Majesty’s pardon. Anyway, a man can’t really enjoy his declining years if there are a number of hanging offences lurking in his background. I’ll protect the queen with my life if she can find it in her heart to grant me a full pardon for my past indiscretions.’

‘Just what sort of indiscretions are we talking about here, Master Platime?’ Ehlana asked suspiciously.

‘Oh, nothing really worth mentioning, Your Majesty,’ he replied deprecatingly. ‘There were a few incidental murders, assorted thefts, robberies, extortions, burglaries, arson, smuggling, highway robbery, cattle-rustling, pillaging a couple of monasteries, operating unlicensed brothels – that sort of thing.’

‘You have been busy, haven’t you, Platime?’ Stragen said admiringly.

‘It’s a way to pass the time. I think we’d better just make it a general pardon, Your Majesty. I’m bound to forget a few offences here and there.’

‘Is there any crime you haven’t committed, Master Platime?’ she asked sternly.

‘Barratry, I think, Your Majesty. Of course I’m not sure what it means, so I can’t be entirely positive.’

‘It’s when a ship captain wrecks his ship in order to steal the cargo,’ Stragen supplied.

‘No, I’ve never done that. Also, I’ve never had carnal knowledge of an animal, I’ve never practised witchcraft, and I’ve never committed treason.’

‘Those are the more really serious ones, I suppose,’ Ehlana said with a perfectly straight face. ‘I do so worry about the morals of foolish young sheep.’

Platime roared with sudden laughter. ‘I do myself, Your Majesty. I’ve spent whole nights tossing and turning about it.’

‘What kept you untainted by treason, Master Platime?’ the Earl of Lenda asked curiously.

‘Lack of opportunity, probably, My Lord,’ Platime admitted, ‘although I rather doubt I’d have gone into that sort of thing anyway. Unstable governments make the general populace nervous and wary. They start protecting their valuables, and that makes life very hard for thieves. Well, Your Majesty, do we have a bargain?’

‘A general pardon in exchange for your services – for so long as I require them?’ she countered.

‘What’s that last bit supposed to mean?’ he demanded suspiciously.

‘Oh, nothing at all, Master Platime,’ she said innocently. ‘I don’t want you to get bored and abandon me just when I need you the most. I’d be desolate without your company. Well?’

‘Done, by God!’ he roared. He spat in his hand and held it out to her.

She looked at Sparhawk, her face confused.

‘It’s a custom, Your Majesty,’ he explained. ‘You also spit in your hand, and then you and Platime smack your palms together. It seals the bargain.’

She cringed slightly, then did as he instructed. ‘Done,’ she said uncertainly.

‘And there we are,’ Platime said boisterously. ‘You’re now the same as my very own little sister, Ehlana, and if anybody offends you, or threatens you, I’ll gut him for you, and then you can pour hot coals into his gaping belly with your own two little hands.’

‘You’re so very kind,’ she said weakly.

‘You’ve been had, Platime,’ Talen howled with laughter.

‘What are you talking about?’ Platime’s face darkened.

‘You’ve just volunteered for a lifetime of government service, you know.’

‘That’s absurd.’

‘I know, but you did it all the same. You agreed to serve the queen for as long as she wants you to, and you didn’t even raise the question of pay. She can keep you here in the palace until the day you die.’