Madelynne Ellis - Come Alive

‘Are you saying you won’t allow him into our bed tonight?’

Dani folded her arms across her front and hugged herself. ‘Can’t we get settled in first?’

‘Answer the question, Dani.’

‘Why does he have to sleep with us?’

‘How else would you like me to arrange things? I was trying to make things less awkward. I don’t really want to go the route of having to book a time slot for sharing some intimacy with him.’

She had no answer to that.

‘Dani?’

She paced, while gnawing on her thumbnail. This was just wrong and awkward and she wanted to hide from it, bury her head and pretend her boyfriend wasn’t bisexual and involved with another man. The option of saying, ‘Do as you please, shag him when you want as long as I don’t know about it,’ burned bright in her thoughts for a moment. It wasn’t a solution that was ever going to work. All it would mean was that whenever Xane was away from her she’d be imagining what he and Luthor were doing. Her thoughts would be riddled with imaginary conversations where they swore undying love to one another and laughed at how stupid she was.

‘Can we just sleep here together tonight? Maybe another time. You said we could take this at my pace.’

His disappointment was unmistakable.

‘I’m sorry, Xane.’

‘It’s OK. I guess you need time. I just thought that after last time you were fine with this.’

She was the very opposite of fine with it. The whole issue scared and confused her. When Xane and Luthor had been entwined in front of her, it had all seemed incredibly simple. She’d even been aroused by them. Excited enough, in fact, that she’d joined in. She’d sucked Xane while Luthor was kissing him, and then allowed Xane to go down on her while Luthor was inside him. But with every minute that passed, her doubts about the episode increased.

She thought about Luthor and felt both hot and cold.

Irritably, she brushed Xane away, while mentally scouring her thoughts of Luthor’s tight white butt.

She didn’t want to feel turned on by him. She didn’t want anyone but Xane.

‘I need a shower,’ she announced. It was psychosomatic, she knew it, but her skin felt grubby. Soapsuds wouldn’t make her clean, but she might find some perspective while standing under the shower spray. If she’d learned one thing living on a tour bus with numerous grown men, it was that you could always find peace in the bathroom.

Xane pulled his T-shirt over his head, making her think he intended to join her. Dani stared at his ink and his nipple rings, wondering how to tactfully explain she needed to be alone. Luckily, it wasn’t necessary. He grabbed his bag and rooted through it until he found a clean shirt, which he tugged on. ‘The tag in the back of that one has been driving me mad for hours,’ he explained. ‘It’s scratchy.’

Dani nodded dumbly at him.

‘If you’re going in the shower, is it OK if I find Spook and check out the recording studio?’ He drew a dog-eared notebook out of the side pocket of his bag. Dani recognised it as his lyrics book.

‘Sure.’

If he was with Spook she wouldn’t have to worry about him being tempted by Luthor.

‘If I know Spook there’s probably about fifty different bath products next door for you to try out.’ He gave her a quick hug and kiss, and departed leaving behind the scent of fresh linen.

Xane pottered around in the kitchen and made a sandwich before making any pretence of looking for Spook. He’d been here before, when Spook was viewing the property with a view to purchasing it. The layout was relatively simple: main house, with not very many rooms, and a few outbuildings – one for guests, a strange folly-like building by the water’s edge that purportedly now housed the studio, and the all-important Swedish lifestyle essential, a sauna and communal shower shack. To be fair, the latter building had a lot of potential for anyone with a fetish for shower sex or even water sports. He didn’t think the latter rocked Spook’s boat, but who knew, his friend certainly had a taste for S&M. Admittedly, he didn’t indulge it, but that might not always be the case. And Spook was nothing if not prepared for every eventuality.

Despite the lateness of the hour the sun was still shining when Xane stepped outside. Spook’s lawn was manicured to within an inch of its life; hardly a surprise given how much of a neat freak he was. Xane wandered down to the water’s edge and watched the gentle waves breaking over the rocks. Three weeks ago, when he’d stepped onto the stage in Karlstad and heard Luthor first drum out the beat of one of their songs on Steve’s old drumkit, he’d believed everything was finally going to be all right. Two hours later, Ash had nose-dived off the ego-riser, and he’d been nearly drowned by their psychotic temporary drummer, but at least his relationship woes had been sorted. Now he wasn’t so sure about that. He recognised cold feet when he saw them, and Dani’s were currently icy.

Damn, he’d been seriously looking forward to spending some quality time with Luthor, but he wasn’t about to break his promises to Dani. He guessed that’s why he was here, down by the water’s edge, and not over at the Little House.

Whatever time he spent with Luthor at present wouldn’t be quality time, only a lesson in frustration.

The whirr of a motor interrupted the silence by the shore. Xane raised his hand to shield his gaze as he peered up at the sky. A chopper emerged from behind the treetops to the rear of Spook’s property. The wind from the blades buffeted his skin as the helicopter settled down in the middle of the lawn. Ash, he realised, as two figures, one male and one female, emerged from the noisy beast’s belly, the woman single-mindedly carrying both rucksacks despite the obvious entreaties of the man. Heads ducked, the two of them scurried towards the building before turning to watch the helicopter depart.

‘Hey, down here.’ Xane waved both hands at them.

Ash waved back and headed towards him, despite an exasperated entreaty from Ginny to come into the house.

They met on a stretch of paved terracing that Xane realised was an elaborate sundial. ‘Ash, it’s fucking good to see you, man.’ He wrapped his arms around his favourite lead guitarist, before holding him at arm’s length to get a good look at him. Ash wasn’t quite his perky, handsome self. His skin still had a waxy pallor, and deep lines were etched beneath his eyes, but he was smiling and there was no glaze to his vision.

‘Bloody peachy. How about you?’

‘Same old. Gorgeous, melancholy and sexually frustrated.’

‘Tell me about it. I’ve been stuck in a hospital bed for forever, and while they’re happy to hold a pot up for you to piss in, they draw a line at helping you masturbate. Apparently having blue balls isn’t considered life-threatening.’

Xane grimaced. Blue balls sounded pretty terrible to him.

Ginny joined them on the plateau. ‘Xane. Hi.’ She accepted his welcoming hug. ‘Ash, come inside. You need to sit down.’

‘I don’t need to fucking sit down. I’ve done nothing but sit down. Standing up isn’t going to kill me, Ginny. You go in. I’m sure Spook will tell you where to shove the bags. I’ll follow in a bit.’

He waved Ginny away. She scowled, but went.

‘Stroll?’ Xane suggested.

Ash nodded. ‘Love to. She’s driving me insane. She’s worse than the nurses for mollycoddling me. I like being fawned over as much as the next man, but I’m not a frigging invalid.’

‘She’s just concerned. You had us all worried.’

‘Yeah.’ Ash sniffed and looked away into the distance.

Xane took the hint. What had happened had happened, and they didn’t need to go over it, or dwell on the fact that it had screwed him six ways to Sunday. They just needed to move on.