Alexis Morgan - Immortal Cowboy

She pointed toward the stack of boxes she’d yet to fill in hopes he’d take the hint. He didn’t. Instead, he shoved a pile of papers aside to make room for himself on the corner of her desk. He picked up the book she’d been reading.

“Still studying up on dead towns, I see.”

“The correct term is ghost towns, not dead ones.”

She let a little of her irritation show. Even though he was teasing, she wasn’t in the mood. She took her research seriously. Normally, Shawn respected that, but he’d been in a strange mood lately.

She took the book from him and set it aside. “What’s up?”

“When were you going to tell me that you’d asked for a leave of absence from the university?” His voice was a shade too cool for the question to be completely casual.

Oh, that. Whoops. “I only got the approval late yesterday afternoon, and I asked the dean to make an announcement this morning at the staff meeting.”

Shawn’s eyebrows snapped down tight over his eyes. “That’s not the same as you telling me yourself.”

She’d been dreading this moment. “I left you a voice mail this morning.”

His expression lightened up a little. Good. She really hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings, but she’d already faced off against her mother over her acceptance of the terms of Uncle Ray’s will. She didn’t want to have to defend her decision to anyone else.

“It’s just that all of this is so sudden, and I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.”

He looked marginally happier. “Are you sure putting your life on hold is a good idea?”

Was that what she was doing? Maybe, but then what choice did she have?

“I’m simply following the dictates of my uncle’s will. He didn’t leave me any wiggle room on this.”

Shawn drew a deep breath. “Somehow I doubt you would’ve fought the terms regardless.”

He was right. “I’m sorry, Shawn. I haven’t been myself since all of this happened. Ray’s death hit me hard. The semester is almost over, so the dean was pretty understanding about me leaving early. One of the grad students will cover the last few classes for me and give the final.”

“That’s good. I’d hate to see you jeopardize your career here at the university on a whim.”

That wasn’t what this was, but Shawn clearly had something on his mind. “Just spit it out, Shawn.”

Her comment startled him, his smile a bit rueful. “Okay, here’s the thing. I was hoping the two of us could go somewhere together this summer for a few days, maybe a week.”

He shifted to look at her more directly. “I’m not picky about where. Heck, we can even go explore some of those dusty, old ghost towns you love so much. I just thought some time away from all of this—” he waved his hand to indicate more than just the clutter in her office “—would be good for us.”

The emphasis on the last word wasn’t lost on her, and perhaps he was right. Some time spent away from their normal surroundings would definitely answer some questions for both of them. They’d had dinner a few times, but she’d been reluctant to take the relationship to the next level.

Obviously, he wasn’t.

Part of the problem was the recent resurgence of her nightmares. She’d never shared the story with Shawn and didn’t intend to anytime soon. It was the main reason that she’d never invited him to spend the night at her place. Until she could be sure that she wouldn’t wake up screaming, that couldn’t change.

On the other hand, she had to wonder that if she’d been convinced that there was something special possible between the two of them, would she have trusted him with her secrets? Their friendship was familiar and comfortable. If it was ever going to be more, she needed to resolve the questions that had plagued her for years once and for all.

For now, she had to offer Shawn an answer that he could understand, a version of the truth that he could accept without revealing her real reasons for going back to Blessing alone. Once she’d made peace with her past, maybe she’d know if there was a place for Shawn in her future.

“I plan to spend the time I’m at the cabin on my research. Things are too up in the air right now for me to make any other commitments.”

“Will you at least think about it?”

He wasn’t going to give up unless she conceded at least that much. “Yes, I’ll think about it, but no promises.”

Her effort at a reassuring smile must have succeeded because he gave her an approving nod. “Great. Now I’d better get back to my office. We’ve both got work to do.”

As a fellow college instructor, he knew the constant pressure to publish. She let him think that was what was driving her research, a far more acceptable explanation for her almost obsessive need to study the past.

In truth, the dream that had haunted her for years was the real reason she scoured bookstores and the internet for new primary sources of information on the lost towns of the West, and specifically about Blessing, Colorado.

It didn’t help that all she felt when Shawn left was relief. Her mother would be the first one to tell her that she was being foolish. Shawn was educated, handsome and financially secure; in short, everything Rayanne should want in a man. She liked him; she really did. What did it say about her that she’d rather focus her energy on research than on building a relationship?

This wasn’t getting her anywhere. A few more minutes of reading and then back to work. As she opened the book, a dank, musty smell wafted up from the pages, but she didn’t mind. Books as old as this one were rarely in pristine condition. Besides, it was the words on the pages that were important.

The passage she’d been reading made her smile. It was like having a private conversation with someone who had lived and breathed more than a century ago. The author, Jubal Lane, had clearly shared her interest in the boom and bust of the towns that dotted the landscape in the late 1800s. The only difference was that he’d seen them firsthand.

Jealousy was pointless, but at least she could see those same towns through his eyes. She read slowly to savor Jubal’s thoughts and descriptions, pausing periodically to make notes. When she was about to stop, a word at the bottom of the page caught her attention: Blessing.

With her pulse racing, she quickly scanned the remaining few lines. Jubal Lane had actually visited Blessing, the town that had formed the backdrop of the nightmares that had haunted her since she was thirteen years old.

Before that summer, she’d played in the deserted buildings as a child, loving every minute of her visits with Uncle Ray. But that last trip, everything had changed and she hadn’t been back since. The memories flooded through her mind.

How ironic that she’d run across a reference to Blessing now when it was too late to share it with Ray.

Rather than letting herself get dragged back into the past, she closed the book and put it in her bag. For now, she had to finish before the shipping company arrived. Most of her things were headed for storage; the remaining few would be shipped to the cabin up on the mountain where she’d need them for her research.

As she sealed the last box, she paused to look around her office. Odd that it felt as if she were leaving for good rather than for the summer. That was ridiculous. Of course she’d be back in the fall. The terms of Uncle Ray’s will had only dictated she had to live on the mountain through August, not the rest of her life.

By the end of summer, hopefully, she will have laid the past to rest once and for all. She’d return rested and ready to pick up the pieces of her life here at the university. That was her plan, and she was sticking to it.

* * *

Later that night, Rayanne curled up in her favorite chair, ready to learn what Jubal had to say about Blessing. Since no one in her family had ever answered her questions about the town, perhaps she’d finally find them for herself.