J Morris - Selfish Beings

‘Did you see his junk?’ asked Vetis.

For the two most cunning and roguish Demonettes in the realm, the sisters could be very immature at times.

‘Aw, he’s getting mad,’ Verin noted in a playful tone.

‘Don’t be mad,’ said Vetis. ‘We are just really good at mixing business with pleasure. This is going to be fun, you’ll see.’

‘I don’t care if it’s fun or not,’ Kaarl told the sisters, ‘as long as we get the job done properly.’

Despite his words, Kaarl did intend to have as much fun as possible on Earth. The key to it, however, would be performance and that in turn required the twins to follow orders from time to time. If he allowed them to do as they pleased, or himself to be led astray, the fun would be short-lived for all of them and brought to a swift and brutal conclusion. Kaarl had heard at the meeting how Lucifer dealt with failure. Making sure the girls knew he was in charge and the task was important would be crucial to the long life he wanted to live in the Mortal realm.

‘Will you look at that?’ said Vetis, noticing the stern look. ‘Barely an hour into a management position and he is already heart-attack material.’

‘Isn’t his serious executive face the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?’ asked her sister.

The twins both started giggling and Kaarl couldn’t help but smile, despite his attempt at a solemn, heavy-is-the-crown expression. Their humour was as infectious as it was inappropriate.

‘That’s what we wanted to see,’ said Vetis.

‘You should be happy,’ Vetis told him. ‘This is a great opportunity, for all of us. When it’s time to be serious we will, but for now at least you should celebrate.’

The girls summoned a waiter over and within moments all three had glasses of whisky raised.

‘To us,’ said the twins and all three downed their drinks.

‘All right,’ said Kaarl as his glass hit the table, ‘I feel celebratory enough. Where is Mark?’

‘One drink…’ said Vetis.

‘Somebody call the Zoo!’ shouted Verin. ‘See if they’re missing a party animal.’

‘From what you’ve both told me, we will have plenty of opportunities to get drunk on Earth. Let’s get the ball rolling, shall we, and leave the partying until we’ve actually accomplished something.’

‘Yes sir,’ the twins chimed, standing and saluting.

‘This way, Lord Kaarl,’ said Verin with a mock bow. ‘We gave Mark a copy of your proposal when we got here and we’ve been keeping him and his companions on ice for you.’

Kaarl followed the twins across the VIP lounge to Mark White’s table. One of the Damned, he had died in the early 1960s but during his heyday had played a large part in convincing the world that smoking was not only flavourful and satisfying, but also fashionable. Had a malignant, undiagnosed tumour not claimed his life, modern tobacco companies would have been selling a range of smaller, fun-coloured cigarettes for children.

Mark looked much as he had when he died, wearing the same dark blue pinstripe suit he was buried in. Square-jawed with hard, pale blue eyes and small specks of grey just starting to show in his otherwise black crew-cut. His entourage was comprised of men all in a similar vein. Although their products and roles varied, they were all scoundrels, salesmen, fly-by-nighters or marketing geniuses. Between them they had sold everything from highly flammable children’s wear and bottled water to untested baby formula and carcinogenic meat additives. They were the masters of the hard sell. They had taken products that were mundane and in some cases downright deadly and made Joe Q Public not only accept them, but pay good, hard-earned money for them.

‘Girls!’ Mark yelled as he saw them approach his table. ‘Welcome back. Ah, and here is the man of the hour. Sit, please sit. I hear congratulations are in order.’ Kaarl took the offered seat next to Mark.

‘You’ve got a hard sell there, my boy, a hard sell indeed. Trust us, we should know.’ The assembled sleaze merchants all nodded in solemn agreement.

‘Not only are you selling a lifestyle or ideal rather than a product, almost all of humanity has been conditioned to fear the very thing you stand for.’ Mark finished his glass and signalled the waiter for a replacement.

‘From what I’ve read, you’ve already got the gist of it. Try to convince everyone, of course, but concentrate on the young ones. They are more impressionable and a seed planted now bears fruit in the future. You have got no easy task, as I’m sure you are aware. All those preconceived notions about Hell; if they even suspected you were trying to lead them down here you’d be finished overnight.’

Kaarl was fully aware of the challenges but hearing it so bluntly from someone else made him a little more anxious. Mark finished another glass and threw up his hand again.

‘I must admit, the way you are going about it, the scale of it all, is not something I am entirely familiar with. Some of my companions are, though, and what they tell me is this. Because of the wide range of people you are after, you are going to need to compartmentalize your operation. Some people will require a lot of convincing, others just a hint. If you push too hard in one area and draw too much attention, you need to be able to get rid of it without endangering the whole thing. Your first priority acquisition, apart from my old friend whom I’m sure you’ll find very useful, should be talented and unscrupulous corporate lawyers. With them as a safety net you should have, in essence, your very own Hydra. If they cut one head off, you can grow another three in its place.’ Mark raised his fourth drink in as many minutes drinking a toast.

‘And here is to the absence of a Hercules to spoil your fun!’

The trio left Mark and his friends to their merriment after some polite chit-chat and headed back to their own table.

‘So are we ready?’ asked Verin.

‘Yes, after what Mark told me, I think so,’ said Kaarl.

He was grateful he had taken time to listen to last minute suggestions. He knew that lawyers would be essential; he had not, however, understood the true value of the position. He had thought that Mark’s group would have had more advice for him or would have seen other areas that needed improvement. Kaarl knew the vast quantities of liquor they were consuming would not have affected their judgement. He took the lack of critiquing to be confirmation of his plan’s completeness.

‘Just one last thing, and it’s a major one. You are sure securing money won’t be a problem once we are there?’ he asked the twins.

‘Not a problem at all,’ said Vetis.

‘There are so many wealthy people who sold their souls to get where they are. We just turn up and collect,’ her sister added.

‘That sounds too easy.’

‘Oh, sure, some of them put up a fight but you just start rattling off their deepest, most sordid secrets and they soon realise you’re the real deal and cough up.’

‘And if that doesn’t work you can just shift,’ added Vetis. ‘A glimpse of Hell on Earth usually gets them if the more subtle stuff fails.’

‘All right,’ said Kaarl, as he got up to leave, ‘your confidence is definitely reassuring, but what about when we first get there? We’re going to need…what did you call it?’

‘Walking around money,’ replied Verin. The twins shared a mischievous look.

‘Just leave that to us,’ they said.

The trio left Faithless and Asteroth met them outside on the steps. Kaarl assumed the sour look on the Treasurer’s face was due to his abrupt departure. Either that or the “fat” comment.

‘Are your preparations complete?’ asked Asteroth.

‘Yes, we’re ready,’ replied Kaarl. ‘Where to now?’