Rosie Dixon - Confessions of a Babysitter

‘Not in my version,’ I say. ‘There’s this nasty old wolf – – ’

‘He’s not a wolf, he’s an FBI man,’ says Courtenay contemptuously. ‘He figures that Riding Hood is a subversive misappropriating funds earmarked for underdeveloped countries so he liquidates her.’

‘Where did you get all that from?’ I ask him.

‘From the book that Daddy reads us.’ Benedict hands me a thick volume entitled Nursery Stories with a Modern Message .

‘All right,’ I say, thumbing through it. ‘What about How Cinderella hit the Big Time ?’

In the end we settle for Ali Baba and the Forty Investment Analysts and by the time that Ali Baba has been boiled in North Sea oil and the investment analysts have drawn up a tentative, outline, provisional, non-binding contract with a pilchard packaging plant, the children’s heads are beginning to droop. I pause in the narrative, wait a few moments until I hear the sound of regular breathing and then tiptoe out. Phew! Thank goodness for that. Those stories were so gruesome I was beginning to frighten myself. I am quite glad that I have got the remains of the strong gin that Mr Wilkinson gave me, to buck me up. I have just glugged it down and am reaching for the Radio Times when the telephone rings. It takes me some time to find it because it lives under the flared skirt of a knitted woollen doll and I am slightly flustered as I raise the receiver to my ear. ‘Hello,’ I say. ‘Er – Chingford four three two one.’

‘Rosie, is that you?’

The breathless catch to the voice is immediately known to me.

‘Geoffrey!’ I gasp. ‘How did you know I was here?’

‘I rang up your mother,’ says Geoffrey. ‘Or rather – I rang up you and your mother answered the phone. Home on leave, are you?’

‘Er – no,’ I say. ‘I’ve finished with the army.’

‘I am glad,’ says my old beau. ‘I never thought the WRACs was really you.’

‘No,’ I say. ‘Well, Geoffrey, it’s nice to hear your voice. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?’ I cannot help feeling a slight tremor of excitement as I await the answer to my question. My bitter-sweet romance with Geoffrey has waxed and waned over the years and I have never been able to truly analyse my feelings for the man. When he is attentive, I don’t want him. When he is not about, I do. I suppose all women are a bit like that.

‘I’d love to see you,’ says Geoffrey eagerly.

‘Not tonight, surely,’ I say. ‘You know I’m babysitting.’

‘I could pop round for a bit – I mean, for a little while,’ says Geoffrey. ‘Nobody would mind. There’s no need why they should know.’

‘Well – – ’ I pause, waiting to be persuaded. Geoffrey does not say anything. Oh dear, I do wish he would display a little more gumption sometimes. Not enough to do anything untoward, of course, but just enough to be told not to. Sometimes I wonder if anything really did take place behind the heavy roller at the Eastwood Tennis Club after somebody put something in the punch.

‘If you don’t think it’s a good idea I quite understand.’

‘It’s terribly impulsive of you, Geoffrey,’ I say trying not to sound sarcastic. ‘Just for a little while then. You know the address, do you? Fifty-seven, Glastonbury Gardens.’

‘Got it,’ sings out Geoffrey. ‘Super! I’ll be round as soon as I’ve finished marking my balls.’

I put the telephone down and stare thoughtfully into the artificial flame effect of the plastic-bronze cowled simulated teak surround Magi-Glo Gas Fire. One of the buttons on the lilac plastic padding has dropped off but it still throws out a cheerful, heart-lifting glow. It will be interesting to receive Geoffrey in the Wilkinsons’ home. I will be able to imagine that it is our own and gauge a reaction to my long-time boyfriend in a setting which is not dominated by my own or his parents. I immediately start puffing up the cushions and arranging the magazines in a tidy pile. There is no sound from Benedict and Courtenay and when I peep my head round the door they are both lying on their backs with their mouths open and snoring – yes, snoring. I never knew that children snored. Still, I never knew that there were children like Benedict and Courtenay Wilkinson – and that is saying something when you have a sister like Natalie.

I feel quite light-hearted after the gin and take another look in the Wilkinsons’ bedroom. It is fun nosing round other people’s houses, isn’t it? Mrs Wilkinson has a very sexy negligée-type robe and for a moment I flirt with the idea of putting it on to receive Geoffrey. I wonder what he would say – and do? Still, you can’t really behave like that, can you? I wander over to the dressing table and examine the bottles. Mrs Wilkinson certainly has enough perfume. What is this one? ‘Forbidden Love’. Umm. Sounds pretty potent. I remove the stopper and take a sniff. Wow! I wonder what Geoffrey would make of this? No harm in finding out. A little dab won’t be noticed. It will have worn off by the time the Wilkinsons get back. I pop some on my wrists and between my breasts and behind my ears – Geoffrey does not smell very well – I mean, he does not have a very powerful sense of smell – and put the bottle back. I have undone the top two buttons of my blouse in order to apply the perfume and I decide to leave it like that. There can be no harm in subjecting Geoffrey to a little feminine allure. It will be interesting to see if he notices.

I go downstairs and see that Mr Wilkinson has left his gin on the mantelpiece next to the clock set in the side of a carved elephant – I suppose you never forget the time. Ho! Ho! It seems a pity to waste it – the gin, I mean. I take some more ice from the plastic pumpkin and turn on another bar of the gas fire. Live dangerously, Dixon, this could be one of the most important nights of your life. A new career under way and – who knows? – perhaps a proposal of marriage to consider. I may be reading between the lines but I thought that Geoffrey seemed a little pent up and breathless on the phone tonight. As if he had been turning something over in his mind for a long time and come to a decision. What shall I say if he asks me? Now that Captain Rollo D’Arcy of the Royal Horse Guards seems to have gone out of my life for ever, I am not exactly overburdened with suitors. Mum did say wistfully that she wondered when I would be needing a babysitter of my own. Not that I am worried, of course. I have no intention of rushing into marriage with Geoffrey Wilkes unless I am certain that is what I want. Oh dear. It is difficult. If only Geoffrey was a little more exciting and some of the exciting men were a lot more dependable.

Ping pong! Ping pong! The tasteful warble of the doorbell announces that the man of destiny has arrived. Perhaps everything will be revealed when I face him. It is at moments like this that one can really tell. I glance into the frosted gilt mirror with the musical notes in one corner of it and see that my neck and shoulders are flushed. Is it the gin or am I more on edge than I care to admit to myself? I wonder whether to do up the buttons of my blouse and end up by undoing another one. Let it all hang out as I believe they say in America. Just because I have scruples, it does not mean that I have to be ashamed of my body.

I pat my hair into place and go out into the hall just as there is a long blast on the chimes. Impetuous Geoffrey! The signs bode well. I throw open the door and am taken aback to find myself face to face with Mr Wilkinson. His eyes travel from mine down to my breasts and then back again.

‘Hi!’ he says. ‘I was beginning to wonder what had happened to you.’ His eyes go back to my breasts again and I raise a nervous hand to my throat.