Rosie Dixon - Confessions from an Escort Agency

The Confessions series of novels were written in the 1970s and some of the content may not be as politically correct as we might expect of material written today. We have, however, published these ebook editions without any changes to preserve the integrity of the original books. These are word for word how they first appeared.

CONTENTS

Title Page CONFESSIONS FROM AN ESCORT AGENCY ROSIE DIXON

Publisher’s Note Publisher’s Note The Confessions series of novels were written in the 1970s and some of the content may not be as politically correct as we might expect of material written today. We have, however, published these ebook editions without any changes to preserve the integrity of the original books. These are word for word how they first appeared.

How did it all start?

Chapter 1

In which Rosie finds sister Natalie entertaining in disquieting circumstances and shares a nightmare drive with faithful boyfriend, Geoffrey Wilkes, and a funeral procession.

Chapter 2

In which Rosie visits an Oxford college and endures some disgusting experiences at the hands – and other things – of the Hon. Ward-Virgins and his friends.

Chapter 3

In which Rosie suffers an agonisingly embarrassing meal with Sammy Fish, lecherous owner of The Nicetime Escort Agency.

Chapter 4

In which Rosie undertakes her first assignment – a harrowing evening at the opera with a strange German gentleman.

Chapter 5

In which a case of mistaken identity leads to Rosie being molested in a mini-van.

Chapter 6

In which a harmless attempt to make a bit on the side lands Rosie and Penny in a situation fraught with emotional tension and violence.

Chapter 7

In which Rosie has some photographs – and several liberties – taken by Tristram Bingley, the famous fashion photographer.

Chapter 8

In which Rosie and Penny undertake an assignment at the Ugawi Embassy and end up becoming the blushing brides of sensual Field Marshal Nbootin.

Chapter 9

In which Rosie and Penny escort two Dutchmen to an International Sporting Cup soccer match which deteriorates into violence and terrible sexual goings-on.

Chapter 10

In which Rosie retires to Chedworth Place, a country seat where, regrettably, sex is rampant.

Chapter 11

In which Rosie behaves in a most uncharacteristic fashion and comes up against a masked stranger.

About the Author

Also by Rosie Dixon

Copyright

About the Publisher

When I was young and in want of cash (all the time), I used to trudge round to the local labour exchange during school and university breaks and sign on for any job that was going – mason’s mate, loader for Speedy Prompt Delivery, part time postman etc, etc.

During our tea and fag breaks (‘have a go and have a blow’ was the motto) my fellow workers would regale me with stories of the Second World War: (‘very clean people, the Germans’), or throwing Irishmen through pub windows (the latter apparently crossed the Irish sea in hard times and were prepared to work for less than the locals). This was interesting, but what really stuck in my mind were the recurring stories of the mate or brother-in-law – it rarely seemed to be the speaker – who had been seduced, to put it genteelly, whilst on the job by (it always seemed to be) ‘a posh bird’: “Ew. Would you care for a cup of tea?” ‘And he was up her like a rat up a drainpipe’. Even one of the – to my eyes – singularly uncharismatic SPD drivers had apparently been invited to indulge in carnal capers after a glass of lemonade one hot summer afternoon in the Guildford area.

Of course, this could all have been make believe or urban myth but, but I couldn’t help thinking – with all this repetition – surely there must be something there?

It seemed unrealistic and undemocratic that Timmy’s naïve charms should only appeal to upper class women, so I quickly widened his demographic and put him in situations where any attractive member of the fair sex might come across him or, of course, vice versa.

The books were always fun to write and never more so than when involving Timmy’s family: Mum, Dad – prone to nicking weird objects from the lost property office where he worked – sister Rosie and, perhaps most important of all, conniving, would-be entrepreneur, brother in law Sidney Noggett, Timmy’s eminence greasy, a disciple of Thatcherism before it had been invented.

One day I woke up and had a brilliant idea. Why not a female Timothy Lea? And so was born Rosie Dixon, perhaps a gentler, more romantic flower than Timmy; always bending over backwards to do the right thing and preserve herself – mentally of course, that was very important – for Mr Right, but finding that things kept getting on top of her. In retrospect I regret that I did not end the series with Rosie and Timmy clashing in a sensual Gotterdammerung, possibly culminating in wedlock. Curled up before the glowing embers they would have had much to tell each other – or perhaps not tell each other.

Anyway, regardless of Timmy’s antecedents and Rosie’s moral scruples it is clear that an awful lot of people – or, perhaps, a lot of awful people – have shared my interest in the couple’s exploits and I would like to say a sincere ‘thank you’ to each and every one of them.

Christopher Wood, a.k.a. Timothy Lea/Rosie Dixon

When I get back from St Rodence I am thrilled because Penny has asked me down to stay at her country seat – or rather, her father’s country seat. It is just what I need to buck me up because I am very upset about the school closing down – especially with all the related unpleasantness. (For unspeakable details read Confessions of a Gym Mistress , published by Futura.) Chedworth Place sounds awfully grand and I know that the Cotswolds are very sought after. Mum and Dad went on a coach trip to a place called Bourton-on-the-Water and said that it was very nice except for the coaches parked everywhere.

Where we live in Chingford – or West Woodford as Mum calls it because it sounds posher – is not very grand. Still, it is home and I am glad to be back there, even if it is my younger sister Natalie who answers the door. One has to excuse Natalie her flighty ways because she is going through an awkward age but I do feel that Mum and Dad should take a stronger line with her. This feeling is soon reinforced.

‘Oh,’ she says. ‘It’s you.’

‘Who were you expecting?’ I say.

‘Nobody.’

I notice that two of her blouse buttons are undone and that there is a red patch on the side of her neck. I may be wrong but those look like tooth marks in the middle of it.

‘Why aren’t you at school?’ I ask.

‘We were going to have games but the pitch was too muddy.’ She looks over her shoulder nervously.

It has not rained for three weeks but I make no comment on the fact.

‘Do you mind if I come in?’ I say, allowing a trace of sarcasm to creep into my voice. ‘After all, I do live here.’

Natalie shoots another nervous glance over her shoulder. ‘Oh yes. Of course.’

This is so unlike the normal Natalie. She has not said anything rude yet.

‘You’ve got somebody in there, haven’t you?’ I say, nodding towards the front room.