Richard Kadrey - Killing Pretty

He hands me back the flask.

“Feeling better?”

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“No.”

“You will.”

“The brew smells interesting.”

“Huh. I never thought of that. I guess it does.”

Candy gets in closer to him.

“Why did you come here?”

“I was looking for Sandman Slim.”

“Why?” says Candy.

“I need help.”

“Because you’re in a body.”

He nods.

“And someone has murdered it. Murdered me.”

I say, “Why not call one of your angel pals?”

He closes his eyes again.

“I don’t know who to trust.”

“But you trust Stark,” says Candy. “Why?”

“Because Father trusted him.”

Father. Mr. Muninn. God.

The bloody, dirt-­streaked trench coat he had on when I met him is in a pile on the floor. I pick it up and go through the pockets. He doesn’t object.

I say, “Why not go to Mr. Muninn if you need help?”

He shrugs.

“I’ve called and called to him, but all I get is silence.”

There’s a knife in one of his coat pockets. I’ve never seen one quite like it. It’s over a foot long, double-­bladed, with a black wooden grip. Sort of like an oversize athame ritual blade, but with a silver eagle on the grip. There’s what looks like a glob of tar by the pommel, maybe to hold it in place.

I hold it out to him.

“What’s this?”

“That, I believe, was what killed me.”

“How do you know?”

“Because someone pulled it out of my chest and I awoke.”

“Who pulled it out?”

He holds up a hand and gestures vaguely.

“I don’t know. I get the impression they were teenagers having some kind of party. By their startled reaction when I awoke, I don’t think they were looking for me.”

“Okay,” I say. “It’s New Year’s and some kids are out partying. They find you and pull the sword out of the stone like King Arthur. Then you came and found me. Is that pretty much it?”

“I think so,” he says.

“And you’ve never seen this knife before?”

“Not before I woke up.”

“How did you find me?”

He’s closed his eyes again. We’re losing him.

“I’m an angel. I reached out and there you were, so I walked to where I found you.”

“Where did you walk from?” says Candy.

“I don’t know. There was a concrete structure. Not quite a building, but like it once was. It was covered with painted words and images. There were trees and scrub. It was dry and warm there. And stone stairs. Yes. I had to walk up a long stairway. After that, I walked for a long time down a highway and then through the city. That’s where I found you.”

He’s looking at me and I don’t want to believe any of it, but he’s such a whipped dog I can’t throw him out yet.

“I’m tired again. You are right about the brew. It took the pain away,” he says.

“Okay. You get some more rest. But we’re going to talk again later.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re going to take a goddamn shower. Today.”

“Yes. Thank you,” he says, and lies down. “Would you turn the light off, please?”

“There’s just one more thing before we go.”

“Yes?”

“I’d appreciate it if you never mentioned anything about Candy’s face or name again.”

“As you wish.”

Candy turns off the light and we go back outside. It’s good to be out of the room and the dead man’s stink. I turn the knife over in my hands.

“You ever see anything like it?”

Candy shakes her head.

“Never.”

I take it over to Kasabian.

“How about you? You recognize it?”

“No, but I can look around online if it’ll get him out of here quicker. He gives me the creeps.”

“I’m with you there.”

“I think he’s kind of sad,” says Candy.

“Shit.”

“What?”

“I should have taken notes or something. I’m never going to remember everything he said.”

Candy holds up her phone.

“Welcome to the twenty-­first century, Huck Finn. I recorded the whole thing.”

“Nice job.”

“I know.”

“Why don’t you forward that to Julie? You’ll make her day.”

“I’m on it,” she says, punching numbers into her phone.

I heft the knife in my hand. It has good weight and balance. With enough strength you could easily ram this through someone’s ribs and pull out whatever the hell you wanted.

“I’m going to put this away upstairs. You still want that drink?”

“Hell yes, Agent Scully.”

“Wait. I thought Scully was the woman.”

“Stop being so heteronormative. You’d look good in a dress.”

“I don’t know what one of those words means, but okay.”

“I really do have to drag you into this century.”

“Drag away. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Not without me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Will you two please go the fuck away?” says Kasabian. “You’re giving me diabetes over here.”

We go upstairs and don’t come down for a long time. My phone rings. It’s Julie. I let her go to voice mail. Who’s Huck Finn now?

I CALL JULIE back an hour later. We set up a time for the next day when she’ll come by and see Sleeping Beauty. She says she might already have a line on another case and will call me when she’s sure. I guess this is how things are from now on. Business calls and meetings with clients. Jobs we get and jobs we lose. Time to shine my shoes and carry my lunch in a brown paper bag. Soon it will be heart-­healthy egg salad on vitamin-­enriched organic free-­range whole-­wheat bread.

I’m so doomed.

Here’s the thing: once upon a time I ran Hell. I didn’t break the place, but I didn’t exactly spruce it up. I don’t have a good track record with nine-­to-­five responsibilities.

I wonder how long it will take for me to fuck up so badly that Julie gives my job to a guy selling oranges by the side of the freeway? Maybe I can swap gigs with him. He can do the surveillance and the paperwork and I’ll stand by the off-­ramp sucking fumes and selling oranges all day. It doesn’t sound like such a bad life. A little repetitive, but so was fighting in the arena. The freeway job would have less stabbing and more vitamin C, and that’s a step up in the world by anyone’s standards.

I’m on my way to the big leagues one Satsuma at a time.

KASABIAN HAS REOPENED the place when I come downstairs and a few customers are browsing our very specialized movies. Before Maria and Dash, Max Overdrive was doomed. Kasabian made a deal with them to find us copies of lost movies. The uncut Metropolis. Orson Welles’s cut of The Magnificent Ambersons. London After Midnight. Things like that. The problem was that a lot of the best of the bunch were silent movies, and in L.A. we like our gab, so those movies had a limited audience. They brought in enough money to keep the lights burning, but not enough to live on. The new, never-­made movie scheme makes a lot more sense. Maybe we’ll be able to sleep at night without worrying that the next day we’ll be running the store out of the trunk of a stolen car. It’s this possibility that makes me even more pissed about the angel tagging the front windows.

Fuck waiting for paint remover tomorrow. I get the black blade, go outside, and start scraping.

I’m at it for maybe ten minutes when I see someone’s reflection in the glass. A tall guy in a brown leather blazer.

Someone is watching me from the street. I managed to get GOD off the glass, but now it reads KILLER, which really isn’t much of an improvement.

I turn around and give the guy a “move along, pilgrim” look. He gives me an irritatingly polished smile and comes over to where I’m working.