Richard Kadrey - Killing Pretty

“This doesn’t sound like something for us.”

Moore looks a little uncomfortable confronted by actual ­people who see the scam for what it is.

“Smart,” I say. “Don’t let anyone talk you into one.”

“We won’t,” says Courtney. Then to Moore, “What did I tell you? A big sack of grump.”

She and Jeremy take their movie and head off, leaving me alone with Moore.

“You’re not really a reporter, are you?”

He looks away and back and does the grin again. I wonder what he’d look like with no lips?

“That’s not entirely true. I have friends at the Times. Sometimes I bring them stories and they slip me a little something.”

“But that’s not what you’re really about.”

“I work with a talent group. One of the biggest postlife artist agencies in the world.”

“And you want to offer me a contract.”

“Why not? A lot of Sub Rosas have them. And you’re right about A-­listers versus everybody else. But I can guarantee you that you’d be on the A-­list of A-­lists. I mean, everyone wants to meet Lucifer . . . even an ex-­Lucifer.”

I move faster than he can react, dragging him around the side of the building and shoving him up against the Dumpster. I tap the black blade against the crotch of his jeans, right under his balls.

“Listen up. If you really knew anything about me, you’d know that I wouldn’t sign a blue yonder if you promised me chicken and waffles with Veronica Lake. I don’t know how you know all that Trivial Pursuit stuff about me, but forget it. It’s ancient history and nothing you should be talking about. Understand?”

“I understand.”

“Do you? I know threatening to kill you won’t matter because you have a blue yonder and you think you’re safe. But think about this: I know how to cut off your head so you won’t die. Who knows how long I can keep you alive? You can be my lab rat. How’s that sound?”

“I’d rather not,” says Moore.

“Then don’t ever bother me, my friends, or my customers again. If you do, I’m going to use your head for kindling.”

“I understand.”

“Now shoo.”

I take the knife away and he sidles past, not turning his back on me until he’s on the sidewalk, running down the street and across Hollywood Boulevard. I listen for the sound of squealing brakes in case he does the polite thing and scampers in front of a semi. But the sound is all just normal traffic. It’s disappointing.

When I come around to the front of the store, Candy is standing there. She’s looking off in the direction of Moore’s sudden exit.

“What was that all about?” she says.

“A man tried to sell me some magic beans.”

“Was there a giant with treasure at the top of a beanstalk?”

“No. Just old movie stars and dead gangsters.”

“You know the most interesting ­people.”

“You’re more interesting than any of those bums.”

“Aw. I’m better than a bum. You say the sweetest things.”

She leans over and kisses me on the cheek, uses her thumb to wipe off the lipstick.

“Listen,” I say. “I have to go see Vidocq and Allegra. Do me a favor and babysit our guest until I get back?”

She nods. Sighs.

“Sure. It’s not like I have anything better to do tonight.”

“Thanks.”

She looks at me.

“You know, I know what you’re doing.”

“About what, in particular?”

“You’re trying to keep me out of sight, trying to keep me at arm’s length at Brigitte’s. This is still about what happened when I was in jail, isn’t it?”

Candy is quick when it comes to ­people. It’s one of the things I like about her. I give her a slow nod.

“Some. You said I was using you. I didn’t like that. I still don’t. Later, when you said you didn’t remember, I always wondered if that was true.”

“The poison Mason gave me made me crazy and paranoid.”

“See, Mason said the drug was like liquor. It loosened ­people up so they said things they wouldn’t normally say. Truths they were afraid of.”

“Mason was a monster and a liar.”

“Not about everything. That’s why he was so good at it.”

She crosses her arms.

“So, you believe him more than me? Why don’t you just shut up and listen when I say I’m fine. I’m here ’cause I want to be.”

I shrug.

“Okay. Maybe I’m pushing things a little harder than I should. But another woman I cared about got killed because of me. I’m not letting anything like that ever happen again.”

She pats me on the arm.

“You need to calm down, drink some tea, and hug a teddy bear.”

“I’m serious. No one else gets hurt.”

“Everyone gets hurt around you, but we stay anyway.”

“And sometimes I wonder if that’s a mistake.”

She puts up a finger and aims it at my chest.

“You know, there’s a fine line between caring and pissing ­people off. If I say I’m okay, I’m goddamn okay. Stop playing Mr. Sensitive and trust me. You want to see things get fucked up between us? Keep not listening to how I feel.”

I look away, then back at her.

“I see your point.”

“Smart boy. Stop worrying about all this relationship stuff. You’re really bad at it.”

“You’ve got to give me points for thinking about things.”

“You’ve got to give me points for kicking your ass if you don’t believe me again.”

“Done.”

She rubs her chin with her index finger.

“One thing. Your friend in the closet, he could see me through the glamour. What do you see when you look at me? Candy or Chihiro?”

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of yourself.”

“Put a sock in it, Jack Benny. Can you see me?”

“I see both of you. Sort of a ghost hovering over another ghost. Chihiro is in the foreground, but I can see you just fine.”

That seems to satisfy her, but she’s still frowning.

“You know what I’m really afraid of? Meeting new ­people. You and Brigitte and our friends know who I am under all this magic, but when I meet someone new I’ll just be Chihiro. That means the first thing that person knows about me, the first thing I tell them, will be a lie.”

“I thought about that. But consider the alternative.”

She taps her round sunglasses against her knuckles.

“Yeah. I wonder if there’s a statute of limitations or anything on assault. Maybe I don’t have to hide forever.”

“I don’t know. I’ll ask Julie. But, you know, the law might not be the same for Lurkers. The government was already throwing you in internment camps. I don’t think forgiveness is high on their agenda.”

She slips on the glasses. Does an unhappy half smile.

“Then, I’m Chihiro forever.”

“We don’t know that. I’ll see what I can find out.”

“Okay.”

“I should get going. I don’t want to leave you alone with that guy any longer than I have to.”

“Don’t rush. The way he looks, if I speak harshly he’ll faint.”

“I won’t be long. I’ve just got to find a car.”

“Don’t steal anything boring,” she says as I start away.

“I just need to find something with an engine that didn’t die in the flood.”

She points to Hollywood Boulevard.

“There’s a Range Rover around the corner. It might work.”

“Thanks. I’ll look for it.”

“I’m going to get drunk with Kasabian.”

“I’ll join you when I get back.”

I head down the street, but she yells after me.

“Where can I get brass knuckles?”

“Why?”

“I want a set.”

“Why? You don’t need them.”

She runs a hand through her short hair.

“Candy doesn’t need them. I think Chihiro would look fetching with a pair.”