Alice Ross - Forty Things To Do Before You're Forty

‘Exactly. Which is why this is not a good time to make any decisions, never mind one so drastic.’

‘It’s what I want to do.’

And so, despite the media furore and industry speculation, Jake organised a management buyout, offloading the business to his employees. He sold his Chelsea apartment and bought a small cottage in Scotland on the banks of Loch Tay - a modest, peaceful house in a secluded spot, nestled amongst the heather. After a few months the invitations to London parties and requests to visit dwindled. Jake had been relieved. London – and his old life - seemed a million miles away, as if it had all belonged to someone else.

Becoming accustomed to his own company, Jake spent weeks exploring the Scottish countryside, days walking from dawn ‘til dusk. Then, as winter drew nearer and the days grew shorter, he looked for something to occupy his time indoors. He decided to write a book.

From a germ of an idea, a dark mystery set in Victorian London sprouted. With only a vague idea of the plot, once Jake began to type, the words flowed and flowed - at an astonishing rate. It took only ten weeks for him to complete the book. Ten weeks in which he completely absorbed himself. He didn’t listen to the radio, he didn’t watch TV, he didn’t read a newspaper, he scarcely set foot outside the house. Then he looked at the four hundred pages filled with neatly typed words and wondered what to do with them. In the absence of any better ideas he emailed them to a literary agent in London using the pen name Martin Sinclair. To his amazement, he received a reply eight weeks later, saying they were very interested and would like to meet him.

It had been strange flying down to London for the meeting. There was a whole world out there he’d completely forgotten about: a bustling, busy world he no longer belonged to. He made his way to the agent’s office in Mayfair where he was introduced to Tanya. He had intended to say little about his past but, to his dismay, Tanya recognised him immediately.

‘Oh my god,’ her glossy red lips gasped. ‘This is fantastic. Marketing will have so many angles to go at. Jake O’Donnell – billionaire financial genius – now a successful author.’

‘No,’ Jake protested. ‘I want the book published under my pen name.’

As if addressing someone of below-average intelligence, Tanya’s voice adopted a quelling edge. ‘Now that would be silly. Using your real name we could triple sales, quadruple them even. You could make a fortune – well, another fortune,’ she added, with a knowing titter and a flutter of heavily-mascaraed lashes.

Nausea engulfed Jake at the mere thought of all the media hype. ‘I don’t care,’ he maintained. ‘Either the book goes out under my pen name, or it doesn’t go out at all.’

And so, despite Tanya’s pouting and whingeing and unsubtle attempts to use her feminine wiles to persuade him otherwise, Jake won. His first novel had been published under his pen name, as had his subsequent two books. And in each one the author biography merely stated Martin Sinclair lives in rural Scotland. Unlike other authors Martin Sinclair had no website, no blog, and, most significantly of all, no media photograph. The agency remained unimpressed but, with the books contributing significantly to their profit margin, on the whole they kept quiet. It was a situation Jake was more than content with. And now, at Buttersley Manor, he itched to start work on his next offering, to lose himself in a new book. To erect yet another temporary shield to protect himself from his feelings. Feelings he had had never admitted to another living soul.

CHAPTER TWO

‘Mum, can we go to Disneyland for our summer holiday?’

Icing a cake, with her back to her daughter, Annie’s heart sank. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and closed her eyes for a moment. As much as she loved being a single mother – the privilege of having her daughter all to herself; the luxury of no one interfering with her child-rearing decisions – occasionally it was just, well … hard. Especially at moments like this. She took a deep breath in and plastered a smile on her face before turning around to face the child.

‘We can’t go this year, sweetheart. But remember we are saving up to go when you’re a little bit older.’

Sophie didn’t look up from her colouring-in at the kitchen table. ‘Bethany Stevens is going in the summer holidays.’

Well, she would be, Annie resisted saying. The Stevens’s hot-tub business was doing so well they were struggling to keep up with demand. ‘We’re going to that lovely little cottage at the seaside like we did last year,’ she said, cramming as much enthusiasm as she could into her voice. ‘Remember the great time we had on the beach every day - looking for crabs, and building sandcastles, and throwing the ball for Pip?’

Sophie nodded but Annie could see the disappointment written all over her pretty little face. She blinked back tears. Honestly, she could kill Lance at times. If he hadn’t run off to Japan, then, between the two of them, they could have given their daughter everything she wanted. Not that she wanted to spoil the child. Far from it. She did her best to ensure Sophie appreciated the value of money. But, as much as she could merrily strangle Lance with one of his designer ties, it would have been good for Sophie to have her father in her life: a father she saw for more than a few hours a year, and one who contributed more to her upbringing than a monthly cheque. Not that, according to Lance, being a part-time father had been his original intention. Oh no. Much to Annie’s amazement, he appeared overjoyed when she eventually plucked up the courage to tell him she was pregnant. It was, after all, a mistake; a slip up after a boozy night out. It was she who had been most shocked at the discovery. At twenty-nine she hadn’t been ready for babies, she had a successful career as a museum conservator and she loved her job. But having a baby didn’t have to interfere with her career, Lance assured her. Between the two of them they could have it all. And Annie believed him. She sailed through her pregnancy with Lance super-glued to her side. He attended every scan, every hospital appointment, every ante-natal class. And at the birth he held her hand and mopped her brow – just like in the films. He continued in this perfect supportive partner role for eight weeks after the birth. Then, arriving home from work one evening, he made an announcement that turned Annie’s perfect world on its head. He was taking a new job – in Japan. Alone. Naturally he came up with a raft of excuses and reasons – not one of which Annie understood. She had been too dazed to argue with him. Too stunned to plead or question. Motherhood alone was enough of a shock. Combined with the desertion of what she’d thought was her perfect partner, Annie felt as though she had been run over by a tank.

Weeks later, when she could think more logically, she recalled seeing the advert for Lance’s new job. She’d accidentally knocked his industry magazine off the coffee table on her way out to her six monthly ante-natal check. It fell open at the Vacancies page and the ad had been circled in red. Floating around in a pregnancy-induced bubble of happiness, her baby kicking in her belly, Annie hadn’t given it a second thought. Lance, on the other hand, while acting out the role of The Perfect Father To Be, had seemingly given the matter a great deal of thought; planning and plotting behind her back, attending interviews and negotiating start dates and salary, without allowing her the slightest indication of his intentions. ‘Betrayed’ didn’t come close to how she felt, but that emotion had been overridden by another: foolishness. How could she have been so stupid, so gullible, not to have realised what he was up to? How could she have placed so much trust in one man? Trusted him with both her future and her child’s?