Jessica Bird - Me Without You

Except he hadn’t been dreaming of her, Cass told herself. He didn’t ache for her. He didn’t even like her.

Though, at the time, she’d almost believed he’d known whose hands were touching him. She’d been convinced that she was the one he needed so badly when it had been happening.

Or maybe she’d just wanted to be that woman to him.

Now, there was a thought she wasn’t going to dwell on.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to find some equilibrium. Instead, all she saw was Alex’s muscular chest and ribbed stomach…and his bold, demanding erection as it strained against soft flannel. He’d been hot and hard and thick under her hand, and his response to her touch had been explosive. Beyond erotic. She’d gripped him and then he’d moved his hips in a sinuous thrust. His breath had broken. And she’d felt the flesh under her hand jerk and…

“Oh, do yourself a favor and stop going there,” she muttered.

Then he’d spoken those words.

I love you.

Who did he love? she wondered with a strange ache in her chest. What kind of woman had gotten under that hard surface to the man beneath?

Well, whoever she was, she must be extraordinary. She’d have to be. Because someone like him, someone with such high standards, would only love a woman who was flat-out amazing.

And he really loved that lady, with feelings as strong and powerful as the body he lived in. His heartfelt yearning had cracked his voice. All that desire had ripped through him at the mere touch of a hand.

He burned for his woman.

Cass walked into the bathroom and thought of Reese.

She’d respected her husband like no one else. Had valued him as a friend and a business advisor. And she’d owed him a debt she could never have repaid.

But she couldn’t say that she’d ever loved him. At least not the way Alex loved his Miracle woman.

Picking up her toothbrush, she popped the flip top on a tube of Crest and tried to keep the ribbon of chalky blue on the white bristles.

As she brushed, she focused on the past instead of the present. She’d married Reese because he’d asked her and because she’d wanted to, even though he’d been twenty years older than she was and she was to be his third wife. She’d always yearned for a family and a home and a place to feel safe after a childhood of fear and instability. She’d been sure that Reese would always protect her. Would always support her.

Even when he strayed.

She’d suspected he might, eventually. Reese had been a great admirer of beautiful things, and his aggressive nature had driven him to acquire whatever caught his eye. Companies. Art. Jewels. Boats. Houses.

Women.

She’d known what she was getting into when she’d walked down the aisle with him, so what had happened later hadn’t been a big surprise. He’d been discreet about the affairs and it had taken her a while to learn the truth. And when she’d known for sure? She hadn’t confronted him, she’d just kept on going like nothing was wrong.

The reasons she’d had then for staying quiet were ones she didn’t understand now.

Maybe it had just been because…she hadn’t cared as much as she should have.

She missed Reese. She mourned him. She wished she’d conceived the child they had tried for.

But she had never loved him down to her soul.

She thought of Alex again.

What would it be like to have a man who cared that much? she wondered. Who wanted you and only you. Who could see no other woman in a room, who could not imagine holding another female in his arms.

That must be something, she thought, rinsing her mouth out. That must really be something.

Alex woke up late in the morning with an uneasy feeling.

That dream. That sensual, shattering dream.

He looked down. His shirt was open and pushed off his chest. The book was buried in the comforter at his side. And he needed a quick shower.

His heart started pounding. Had it been real? Had she come to him?

What the hell had come out of his mouth?

Dread pooled in his gut, but then he looked over and saw the plate. Maybe she hadn’t been in his room after all.

Calm down, he told himself. She wasn’t here except in your mind. You’ve wanted that woman for a long time, and she’s in the bedroom down the hall. Of course your subconscious is going to kick something to the surface.

Levering himself up and off the bed, he went carefully to the bathroom where he showered with a plastic bag tied around his leg and then shaved. He was surprised that it felt good to be up and moving around for once, so he decided to head to the kitchen for some breakfast. Fortunately, it sounded as if the coast was clear. The house was quiet and he figured he’d somehow managed to sleep through all the early-morning departures of the guests.

Which meant Cassandra would be gone, as well.

This was good, he told himself.

He pulled on a different set of split pajama bottoms, a worn T-shirt from a Boston Marathon he’d run in years ago and a black fleece. As he went out into the hall, he looked both ways as if it were a busy street. The last thing he needed was to step into someone’s path. He was about as stable as a two-legged table.

Come to think of it, where was the dog? He loved Ernest, but that golden retriever could knock him on his ass in a heartbeat, and muzzle-to-mouth resuscitation was not a treatment option he was looking to explore.

Alex started for the back stairs but changed his mind. The front ones were slightly deeper and could accommodate his feet better. It took him a good ten minutes to actually make it to the first floor, but he felt stupidly pleased with the effort.

Then he thought about his T-shirt. Running 26.2 miles in two and a half hours used to be something he took pride in. Now getting to the kitchen was a big, fat, hairy deal.

Damn, he was pathetic.

He went into the dining room and braced the swinging door in place so it couldn’t open.

“Libby? You in there?” he called out.

“Alex! Are you okay?” The housekeeper sounded worried.

“Grab hold of your boy, will you? I’m coming in.”

“Done.”

Alex pushed open the door and was greeted by whines of affection and a mad, impotent scampering of dog feet. While Libby held Ernest in place, Alex came over and stroked the dog into a relative calm.

“Would you like some breakfast?” the older woman asked. “I can make you some of the dry toast you like.”

He looked up. Her lovely, worn face was so hopeful, he was tempted to put in a special request.

“Actually, I—” He cleared his throat. He didn’t like being waited on, but he had a feeling this flash of energy he was sporting wasn’t going to last long. “I’d like some pancakes. With butter and syrup. And bacon. I want bacon. Coffee, too.”

God, he was hungry. For the first time in so long, he was dying for some food.

Libby’s eyes flared. “Go sit down at the table. I’ll make it right away.”

As he settled into a chair, Ernest snuggled up close, leaning against his good leg.

“Do you take sugar?” Libby asked.

The question made him realize he hadn’t asked for any coffee since he’d come to the mansion.

Hell, how long had it been since he’d had a normal breakfast? Sitting up at a table. Like a real person.

“I like it black, thanks.”

“It’ll be ready in a second. This pot’s almost finished brewing.”

While he watched the woman bustle around, he wished he could help and felt badly that all the activity was just about him.

“Hey, Libby, maybe I’ll scratch that big order,” he said. “A little cereal would be great. I don’t want you going to—”

“Alex Moorehouse, you shut your mouth. And I don’t want it open again until you’re putting a fork in it.”