Tanya Wright: If Only...

* * *

Micah lay there, stunned. The fog suddenly cleared. Time had stopped. Her breathing halted, or maybe she was breathing faster than normal. She couldn’t tell.

She had been vaguely aware of Josh as his large frame hovered over her, his face close to her own. She had seen his tongue as it peeked out ever so slightly and wet his lips. His gaze pinned to her mouth. Micah had acted on instinct, not fully aware of her own actions.

Then, bam!

She wanted to blame it on her vivid imagination or her wasted mind-set. None of this was real, and that kiss...

Oh, that kiss! Her body was still humming from the intensity of that kiss.

No. There was no way her imagination could have come up with a kiss like that. Her rapidly beating heart spoke volumes in and of itself.

She felt so much at the moment: desire, heat and...guilt? Drew’s face plastered at the forefront of her mind. Her stomach turned.

Micah’s head decided it hurt too much to think right now. She longed for sleep and prayed good dreams would come and steal her from reality and the inevitable hangover that she was already dreading. Why did she think tequila had been a good idea in the first place?

Closing her eyes, she buried herself under the covers and let herself fall under the spell slumber provided.

* * *

The smell of fall surrounded her. Micah couldn’t quite define it, but if she could bottle it she would. It was crisp and fresh and automatically brought images of falling leaves and apple picking. And no one did fall the way New England did. The air was just cool enough to require a jacket, but still nice enough that she and her friends could spend the evening outdoors.

Her hair whipped in the wind, and in this moment of sheer contentment, she allowed it. Pulling the tie from her hair, she let it go wild and free. Drew’s beautiful blue eyes lit up as he watched.

“Oh, Micah O’Shea.” His voice had a deep, grizzled quality as he said her name.

“What?”

“You know I love when you let your hair down.” His voice was just above a whisper as he reached out and grasped a piece between his fingers. “The color is breathtaking.”

Her cheeks grew warm and she silently cursed herself for it. Her ivory skin had an awful habit of turning a splotchy shade of crimson at times. She could feel it happening now.

“Do you two always have to make googly eyes at each other like that?” Jamie’s voice broke their little moment like a baseball bat connecting with crystal. That was Jamie.

“You’re just jealous,” Sabina chimed in from the tailgate of Jamie’s pickup truck. That’s what best friends were for—always had one another’s backs.

“Thanks for the birthday dinner, guys. You didn’t have to do that.” Drew leaned back in the grass on his elbows and crossed his legs at the ankles.

“Yeah, right. You’d kick our butts if we didn’t.” Josh threw a football at Drew, forcing him to sit back up in a hurry. They all laughed at the truth of that statement. The six of them did everything together, therefore every birthday was mandatory.

Micah curled into Drew’s side as he settled back in the grass. She loved listening to his laughter rumble deep in his chest every time the guys said something funny. He smelled like fresh laundry and his cologne. She had bought a small bottle of it and put some on the teddy bear he had won for her last year at the fair. She slept with it every night, breathing in his scent. She knew it was pathetic, and would be mortified if anyone ever found out.

The two of them remained that way until the sky grew dark. She loved looking at the stars, but tonight the sky was too cloudy to see anything but a dark midnight-gray sky.

“Is that a star?” He pointed straight up.

“Where? I think you’re seeing things. I can’t see anything.”

“It probably isn’t.” His laugh rumbled beneath her. She felt him kiss the top of her head. He was always doing little things like that, small actions that made her feel precious, loved. His hand gently rubbed back and forth along her back. It was soothing. She could fall asleep here in the grass, in his arms. She could spend forever with him like this.

“I love you,” she murmured into his neck.

“I love you, too.”

They were completely lost in one another. Their friends were still there, not paying any attention to them, just as the two of them were not paying any attention to the others. He lifted her hand from his chest and placed a warm kiss to her palm, cradling it to his cheek. Yes, she could stay like this forever.

The cool night air drifted over them. Everyone had become so quiet that it was easy to hear the leaves rustling around them, the small town below them settling down for the night. It was beautiful. Magical. It was a memory that would forever be imprinted on her mind. Embraced in the arms of the one she loved, surrounded by friends who were always there—yes, a memory to last a lifetime.

She wasn’t sure how long they were there. Time just seemed to stop for the six of them. A tiny droplet hit her forehead. At first, she wondered if it was from the trees above them, but then another followed. The droplets grew in size and intensity, bringing an end to their magical night.

Drew yelled his thanks to everyone as they all dashed to their cars to escape the downpour. Micah ran to Drew’s car. She ducked down into the low seat as he scrambled to the other side.

The October air was already crisp; the added rain only compounded the chill. She shivered and pulled her jacket tighter as Drew fumbled with the heat controls.

“It should warm up quickly.” Drew maneuvered the car back to the road and headed in the direction of her house. She felt guilty that he had to take her all the way back to her house when his was right there, but he had insisted on driving her.

The rain was coming down in sheets, making it nearly impossible to see past the windshield. Suddenly she was worried about Drew. “Are you all right driving in this?”

“I’ll be fine.”

He reached out for her hand and gave her a look she knew well. “I could always stay the night, though.”

“Yeah, my parents would love that.”

“It was worth a try.”

He pulled into her driveway and turned off the car. They sat there in silence for a while, neither one wanting to end the night. He still held her hand, pulling her closer as he went in for a kiss over the center console. She loved kissing him. He knew how to kiss, how to use his lips. Of course, she had nothing else to compare to, but she was positive he was one of the best. She didn’t want to consider how he got so good, instead just reveled in the fact that she was the one he was kissing now.

His hand began to roam. She needed to get closer, needed more of him, but the console was in the way. Seriously?

He unzipped her jacket, his hand moving toward the hem of her sweater. It slipped under and his cool hands met her warm flesh. It felt good, too good. Red flags began to wave. Sirens began to sound.

No. Not yet.

“I told you already. I’m not ready. Why must you always push it?”

“I’m sorry. I just figured...”

“What? It’s your birthday, so you can get away with it?”

“No...”

“Save it. Happy birthday, Drew.” She opened the car door. Rain and cold air slapped her in the face. She ran toward the front porch, not looking back. She heard his car start again and the tires peeling out onto the road. She had made him mad, but oh well. He had made her mad, too. This conversation had become too familiar. She didn’t understand why he kept pushing it.

THREE

A continual throb at her temples pounded out a beat any drum line would be proud of. The gentle sway back and forth had her wondering how she had ended up on a boat. Did she even know anyone with a boat?