Tanya Wright: If Only...

“No. We were just friends, Micah. I prefer women.”

He would just go with it for now. What else could he do at this point?

“Yeah, he preferred women, too...maybe too much. One time I caught him kissing another girl.”

That was news to Josh. He had always suspected something, but never thought Drew would be stupid enough to cheat on Micah. Josh mentally cursed his dead friend.

“I always thought we would kiss. You know...you and me. Why haven’t you ever kissed me?”

Josh’s head jerked in Micah’s direction, accidentally turning the wheel with him. They both whipped back and forth as he tried to get his truck under control.

“Whoa! I think I’m gonna be sick. Can you not drive so crazy?” She let her head fall back on the headrest and closed her eyes.

What the—? Did she just say what he thought she just said? His eyes kept going back and forth from the road to her.

She sat up again, her eyes big and round and full of sadness. “I just miss him so much, and no one else does. I just can’t stand it anymore.” Micah burst into tears. The mopey drunk had turned into a weepy drunk right in front of his eyes.

This was getting ridiculous. Okay, maybe it was far past that point already. Either way, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could put up with this depressed version of his best friend. And where was this talk about kissing coming from? It all had caught him off guard.

Twelve years ago, when he first met Micah, she was this vibrant ball of fireworks, red hair blazing with the personality to match. After the accident, after they graduated high school, she had disappeared, too caught up in her grief to socialize much. It was understandable. They’d all felt the same way. When college came around, they were thrown together in some of the same courses, and the rest was history. He helped pull her from her despair even though she had never quite returned to her former self.

He turned to peek at her again. Okay, so maybe he was wrong. He hadn’t cured her completely. His eyes briefly took in the tearstained cheeks before he turned his attention back to the road.

He needed to see her restored again. Not just to the way she had been these past ten years, but to the vibrant and feisty person she was before Drew.

It probably didn’t help that she never dated. For a long time he’d thought maybe she was crushing on him, and now after her little confession... That was beside the point. She’s drunk. It’s all nonsense.

He parked the car, thankful that there was a spot close to the building. Micah was a weepy mess, forcing him to help her up the three flights of stairs. She owed him big!

He couldn’t get to his keys, and every time he let go of her she started to fall over. Her body leaned heavily against his, her soft fragrance overwhelming his senses. Ever since she’d made that remark in the truck, he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing her. By this point he was just flat-out frustrated. On all levels.

Putting his firefighter training to use, he flung her limp body over his shoulder, reached for his keys and opened the door. Yeah, he deserved a steak dinner after this...at the very least.

Finally getting into his bedroom, he wanted to throw her onto the bed. She was too far gone for it to bother her. She deserved the couch after the way she had been acting lately, driving everyone insane with her late-onset depression, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that to her. She would have a killer hangover in the morning. That was punishment enough for being such a pain in his butt lately.

His phone vibrated in his back pocket. Pulling it out, he saw Sabina’s name on the top of the screen.

“Hey. Did you find her stuff?”

“Yeah. I’ve got it.”

“She’s already passed out at my place, so don’t worry about getting it to her now.”

“Is she going to be okay, Josh?” Sabina’s voice was marked with concern, the same concern he had felt recently.

“I don’t know. I hope so. It might be time for a harsh reality check if she doesn’t get her act together soon.”

“As tough as that sounds, I agree.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Josh had a lot to think about tonight. How did he tell his best friend to quit being depressed? He knew he couldn’t, but there had to be a way to help. Maybe after tonight she would be fine and he would never have to bring it up. At least that was what he was hoping for.

He looked back at her sleeping form as she lay on his bed. He sat down next to her and pulled her feet into his lap. She was wearing these ridiculous strappy heels that looked a little on the freaky side. He was sure they belonged to Sabina. Micah would never purchase something as complicated as these. It took him a moment, but he figured out how to unfasten each buckle and tugged them off her feet. He struggled with her in such a passed-out state, but he finally got her out of her jacket, too. He pulled the covers back and over her, tucking them close to her. He brushed the curls back from her face and took a moment to study her in such a rare, peaceful state.

“Why have you become so intent on holding on to a ghost, Micah? Tell me that. When will you finally be free of him?”

Josh leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Tomorrow would be difficult, forcing her to face some hard truths. He hoped he would not lose his friend because of it. Oh, he prayed it would never come to that.

“Josh?” She sounded so small and fragile when she spoke.

“Yes?”

“Hold me.”

He had always been putty in her hands, would do anything for her. Over the years, he had learned to control his feelings for her, to tamp down the desire he felt. It almost became easy after a while; dating other women helped refocus all of that pent-up energy, leaving him free to be what Micah needed him to be. But he was a man, after all, a red-blooded man, and his control could only withstand so much. Those two little words threatened to unravel years of hard work.

But how could he deny her? He leaned over her while his mind and body battled it out.

Her eyes slowly opened, the full force of her warm brown gaze hitting him hard. Her pink lips parted ever so slightly. She had no idea the seductive power she had over him.

“Why didn’t you ever kiss me, Josh?”

Her words came out like a whisper, caressing his skin as he hovered over her.

“I always wanted you to.” Desire coursed through him at the sound of her admission.

“I haven’t been kissed since Drew. I haven’t even been on a date, really. I don’t count that guy I lost the bet to.” Her voice held a sensual quality, washing over him, weakening his resolve. “I don’t need a man when I have you...but I do need to be kissed.”

There was too much at stake. He couldn’t risk losing her. He couldn’t risk hurting her.

Her small hand reached up, cupped the side of his face. He found himself leaning into it even as her hand moved up and around his neck. He closed his eyes as her fingers combed through his hair, not realizing until it was too late that she was pulling him closer.

Her soft, tentative lips moved against his, leaving him powerless. He responded to her kiss; the tiny thread on which his control was hanging snapped in an instant. Years of restrained passion ignited as he deepened the kiss.

The ferocious intensity of the need he felt building within caused him to rein it in. And as he did, sanity returned. He ended the kiss abruptly, realization dawning on him. Micah’s eyes were wide in shock, her breathing ragged as she lay pinned beneath him. He looked down to find his hand on her breast.

He muttered a curse as he jumped up from the bed and left the room in a hurry. With the offending hand clenched in a fist, he prayed she was too drunk to ever remember what had just happened. It would ruin everything!